On the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules, we got a tale of two vacations that also introduced us to the castmembers from Bravo’s newest show, Summer House. As Stassi Schroeder celebrated her birthday in Montauk, she took along Katie Maloney, Kristen Doute, and Scheana Shay. While there, they were wined and dined by the Summer House crew.
But first, the girls had to Google “clam bake” because they were clueless about the definition—even though it’s right there in the title. Clam. Bake. Kristen thought perhaps it was similar to a luau, with clams being buried instead of a pig. Then Scheana declared she wouldn’t eat fish, bitches, because it was gross.
At the catered beach dinner, Stassi was presented with a magnum of rosé wine, and she flirted with the Carl, until he teased her about being on a dating app. Katie encouraged Stassi to hook up with Kyle, the blonde drunk, and stop crying over her ex-boyfriend.
After dinner, the roommates asked Kyle what he thought of the girls from LA. Kyle thought Saucy was very attractive. When corrected on Stassi‘s name, he still couldn’t manage to slur it properly.
Once the SUR girls arrived at the house they were so in awe of its grandeur, for one sane moment they wondered if they should have gone to grad school and gotten better jobs. But when they thought about getting up early and heading to the city, they put that silly thought right out of their heads and partied the night away.
For a moment, it looked as though Kyle might be getting somewhere with Stassi. But then he forgot her name and said her turtleneck swimsuit made her look like Steve Jobs. That was the ultimate turnoff.
Meanwhile, the two Toms (Sandoval and Schwartz), Ariana Madix, Jax Taylor, and Brittany Cartwright took a cramped RV to Sonoma to watch a NASCAR race. Everyone got completely drunk, used the RV as their trashcan, and clogged up the toilet. The poor man who had to come and clean it for them wasn’t getting paid enough, especially when they sang him songs about poo.
Just because Jax was with his girlfriend didn’t mean he was on his best behavior. He berated Brittany for her poor packing skills, turned off the water while she was trying to take a shower, and offered to show her breasts (the ones he paid for) if it got them favors at the race. But she wasn’t he only one with a boob job. The show followed Jax and his breast reduction surgery recently. Brittany waited on him like a servant girl. His complaints ring hollow to me. Is he trying to push this girl away?
While the two Toms and Ariana were speechless over Jax’s attitude toward Brittany, he defended himself, saying he only wanted a turkey sandwich every day and clean laundry. He is paying the bills after all. But Brittany reminded the love of her life that she often handed over money. Jax condescendingly told her that wasn’t adding to their finances.
Back in LA, Lala Kent went to SUR, intent on quitting her job. She had planned on going to the Sonoma trip with Ariana, but at the last minute backed out. Lala was tired of everyone talking about her, saying she’s dating a married man. She wound up in tears, but Lisa Vanderpump wasn’t having any of it. In her stern, but kind, British way, she gave Lala a dose of tough love and told her to grow up. Not everyone will like her, and that’s life. LVP thought Lala’s mother should have delivered that life lesson years ago.
After the pep talk, Lala decided to stay on at SUR. Whew! I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief, no?
The show then morphed into the first episode of Summer House.
So, who had the better vacation? And was Lala really ready to quit the show or was it all an act?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.