Last week on The New Celebrity Apprentice the women, Team Prima, were two-time losers. Sent packing were internet D-lister, Carrie Keagan and singer and reality star, Carnie Wilson. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s performance as the new host was a little on the stiff side and his hair color is – what exactly is his hair color? Orangish-green? Because of Lisa Leslie’s continual tactic of playing Monday morning basketball player, she now has a target on her back. As for the ratings, according to the ex-hair-challenged-host, Trump, he tweeted that Schwarzenegger got “swamped” and nobody compares to him. Let’s get started with the next two episodes.
Welches Grape Juice is the client. The teams must create an 8 to 10 minute live health segment that showcases how Welches Grape Juice supports a healthy heart and lifestyle. They will be judged on best brand showcase, creativity of presentation and audience integration. Rocco DiSpirito and Patrick Schwarzenegger will serve as the boardroom advisors. Up for grabs is $50K for the winning project manager’s chosen charity.
The Project Manager and Strategy
Team Arête – Chael Sonnen was pretty quiet last week, but comes out swinging as this tasks project manager. He says that eventually he will send home every man and woman and will be the last man standing. Somebody really likes themselves! Eric Dickerson wasn’t here last week (and I didn’t even notice) but is looking forward to helping out more. Ideas are tossed out and the concept of a talk show is reached. Carson Kressley will be the host. Matt Iseman will be the doctor. Ricky Williams will be the busy millennial dad. Eric will be doing fitness and Jon Lovitz will be doing comedy. Chael wants a song, and that means Boy George and Vince Neil will have to work together again. Ricky thinks the song idea sucks, but Chael is King – so bow down to him – and do the song. Chael’s not worried because they’re only competing against girls. If Rocco or Patrick visited the men for a consult, it wasn’t shown.
Team Prima – Laila Ali takes this one for the team and should be a good fit because she’s currently in nutrition school. She’s hoping to lead the ladies to their first win. Get this, they have the same talk show idea, but with a tabloid twist and wine with the grape juice. This is Lisa Leslie’s idea that she got from Welches own website. Laila is not a silly person and the pitch is getting kind of silly so she shuts it down. Laila will do a live cooking segment. Porsha Williams will be a correspondent and Nicole “Snooki” Palazzi, Kyle Richards, and Lisa will be the hosts. Rocco visits the women and recommends they concentrate more on the entertainment aspect and making the audience laugh. Laila didn’t hear it that way and decides to keep it serious.
Team Prima goes first. It’s national grape day! The hosts are doing their thing, then Porsha is doing her thing, which is talking a lot, and interviewing Brooke, but then is interrupted by Lisa for time constraints – because Porsha talks too damn much. However, this didn’t go unnoticed by the execs. Next, Laila makes a smoothie and covers important information about the healthy aspects of Welches Grape Juice. The women nailed the first two tasks, but didn’t get the third one which was audience integration.
Team Arête is up next and they lead with the song by the house band, The Polyphenols, and it’s good. As the host, Carson has energy through the roof. The first guest is Matt “the doctor.” There were so many funny parts mixed in with information. And the guys involved the audience by having them stand and clap to the song at the end of the segment. Carson is concerned that they may not have used the product enough, and he’s right.
The Boardroom Feedback
The Governor welcomes the teams and asks the project managers how they did. Laila says she’s happy with the end result. Porsha says that Laila was a great leader, good with order, and everyone gave 100%. Kyle agreed Laila was a great boss who got the job done. Arnold asks Lisa if she thinks they got it right this time. Lisa says she hopes they were creative enough because they weren’t funny enough, but she thinks they may have won their first task.
The results – The execs thought their segments were seamless and polished. They captured a cohesive thread and brand and nailed the millennial mom. The live cooking demo was the icing on the cake. But there was one very big miss – the audience participation was phoned in.
The Gov then asks Chael what he thought of his team and of course he thought they were great. He says the strongest players were Matt and Carson and they will not be coming back in the boardroom with him should they lose. Vince thought Chael was a good PM and Jon agreed. Arnold asks if Jon’s comedy would have been better with a laugh track and he asks Arnold if his acting would be a better with lessons. Ba-dum-tsk.
The results – The execs thought the audience participation was through the roof and the workout routine, the song, and the doctor segment were all fantastic. The negatives were there was no cohesive theme, the message was disjointed and they didn’t focus on lifestyle.
The Winners and the Losers
Team Prima finally takes one! Laila will receive $50K for the Women’s Sports Foundation which is Billy Jean King’s organization that empowers girls and women through sports. The women leave while Chael chokes on his many sexist and inappropriate comments.
Here’s the thing about Chael, he doesn’t mince words. He tells Arnold flat-out that Ricky will be coming back with him to face off for the firing. Ricky was Chael’s right-hand man and didn’t push his initiative, plus Ricky was against the song. Ricky says at first he didn’t like the idea of a song, but then got on board. Ricky says Chael should be fired because he’s the PM. Carson says everyone contributed, but maybe Jon and Eric didn’t go above and beyond like everyone else. Jon says he thought Chael did a great job, but the buck stops with him. Eric doesn’t have a problem if he’s fired, but he did what was asked of him. Vince thinks Chael, Carson and Matt were the strongest players and it should be one of them who is fired. Chael decides to bring back Eric and Ricky with him.
Chael says he shouldn’t be fired because he did his job well and didn’t realize he had dissention in the ranks – that dissension being Ricky. Eric sticks up for Ricky. We get a history lesson from The Gov about Abraham Lincoln surrounding himself with “no” men instead of “yes” men. Chael says that Eric has missed 50% of the show due to prior engagements and doesn’t think Eric really wants to be here. Eric says he fully expected to be thrown under the bus for missing last week. Chael says he would never say, fire him, but because Chael is fighting harder to stay and hungry for a win, he gets to stay. Eric you are terminated – now get to the chopper!
Chael and Ricky pose a fake verbal argument in the hallway before coming into the room. Ricky has no hard feelings, Chael is just playing the game.
Kings Hawaiian is the client and they were on last season, too. They are back to promote their 4 new barbecue sauces. The teams will produce and edit two 15-second viral videos. The judging criteria is viral potential, brand integration, and product appeal. The special boardroom adviser is Justine Ezarik, an expert on social media and star of “iJustine.” Up for grabs again is $50K for the winning project manager’s charity.
The Project Manager and Plans
Team Prima – Snooki for some reason volunteers to handle this one to prove she’s not Snooki from Jersey Shore, but rather Nicole the mom, but she’s terrified. The women begin to volunteer for various jobs. Kyle will write, Porsha will edit, Lisa will direct. The ideas come in – and in and in. They go with two ideas: Saucy Housewives and Double Dipping. Laila calls Lisa out on her “allegedly” being a director comment and thinks Lisa is someone who plans to coast through the competition. Snooki isn’t handling the pressure very well and Lisa is not feeling this group because of their negativity. Justine looks on and loves the shock value of the double-dipping video. The second video isn’t going as well. Lisa is so bossy she should have been the PM, not Snooki. In the segment, Kyle and Porsha fight over the barbeque sauce with some guy eating wings in the background, then Kyle spins on the ground. Maybe the editing can save them?
Team Arête – Matt is ready for the challenge and volunteers as project manager. Ricky recommends playing a football game with a bottle of barbeque sauce. Carson thinks it will be funny putting the flamboyant gay guy against the straight macho guy. Jon recommends a hot chick at the beach pouring sauce on herself asking, “What some of this?” Jon is in charge of this one – and if it fails – guess who is going home. Boy George worries this idea is cliché. Jon takes offense to this and walks out. Jon’s idea is tweaked a bit. Thankfully the girl doesn’t pour the sauce on herself. Ricky isn’t doing much better with his segment. Boy George is melting in the heat, pulls a diva moment and wants everyone fired. Carson tackles Ricky again and again and gets hurt and needs to go to have his elbow checked out. Matt is doing the best he can herding these cats, but it’s difficult. Again, can the editing save them?
Team Arête goes first with their two videos. The first one is with the “hot” woman and the second is with the football game. The execs laugh at the right times.
Team Prima goes next with their two videos. They show the double-dipping with the woman spilling the sauce all over her and it’s a hit. The second one with the housewives totally missed the mark. The over-editing didn’t help at all.
The Boardroom Feedback
Arnold asks Snooki how the task went and she said it was difficult because the women are so strong and she’s so weak, but thinks they killed it. Brooke says she enjoyed this week’s task and Snooki is Snooki. Lisa explains she liked the double-dipping video better. Porsha tells The Gov that due to Lisa’s bad directing the housewives video went awry. They tried to save it in the editing process but couldn’t.
The results – The execs loved the double-dipping video. It had product appeal and great viral potential. The negatives are all about the Saucy Housewives video because the execs didn’t know what they were selling or the message.
Arnold then asks Matt how the men handled this week’s tasks and Matt explains he let the best ideas win. Boy George says he was eventually happy with the final products. Matt says that Jon is stubborn but he delivers. Boy George claims he wasn’t whining, he just didn’t like how slow things were going, and standing around in the heat, and the lack of action. Sounds like whining to me!
The results – The execs felt the men had better use of their celebrity. They loved the production value of Ricky’s video and loved Jon’s dog in the video. The negatives were the product appeal could have been better on Ricky’s video.
The Winners and Losers
Team Arête is the winner! Matt gets $50K for the Arthritis Foundation. He has rheumatoid arthritis so this is very personal to him. The men leave the boardroom to go drink champagne.
Arnold tells the women that he thought the double-dipping video was hilarious. He asks Snooki who is at fault. She says due to time, the messages got mixed up in Saucy Housewives. Kyle says she shouldn’t be fired because her idea wasn’t what was eventually produced. Porsha explains that due to Lisa’s poor camera shots, they missed the important scenes. Lisa says these women lie like dirty rugs. Laila says there was a chemistry problem and too many cooks in the kitchen. Snooki chooses Porsha and Lisa to come back in with her. Once again Kyle Richards is spared. WTF? Snooki says she was terrified of being PM. Lisa says she’s a team player and Snooki should be fired. Porsha slams Lisa for not taking a risk, but being bossy. Snooki just sits there, but then cries and says to fire her. She can’t do this and wants to go home because she doesn’t want to be with these mean women anymore. Arnold give Snooki a few compliments, then says, You’re terminated – now get to the chopper!
Tune in next week to see Warren Buffet choose next week’s winner and loser and to see if Lisa Leslie will finally put her money where her mouth is and volunteer for project manager.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.