The New Celebrity Apprentice
He’s baaaack. And by he I mean, Aaaahnold Schwarzenegger, aka, The Governor, not the other guy who was fired from the show then hired to run our nation. Besides having a new host, we have a new city. Goodbye NY. Hello LA. And what about the new catch phrase? Spoiler alert: it changes. Okay, so you know the run down, the celebrities break into two teams, men against women, and pick a Team Name.
The men are Team Arête (pronounced air-e-tay and means “striving for excellence) – suggested by ex NFL player Ricky Williams. Also on the team is Grammy winning singer, Boy George; Football Hall of Famer, Eric Dickerson; host of American Ninja Warrior, Matt Iseman; host of Queer Eye, Carson Kressley; comedian, Jon Lovitz; singer of Mötley Crüe, Vince Neil; and UFC and MMA fighter (I don’t think this guy spoke once) Chael Sonnen.
The women are Team Prima (sounds pretty like ballerina) suggested by Olympian and WNBA champion and Lisa Leslie. (Team Vagina was suggested by Jersey Shore star, Nicole “Snooki” Palizzi, but wisely shut down. The other teammates are boxer, Laila Ali; singer and reality star, Carnie Wilson; host and Sketchers rep, Brooke Burke-Charvet; internet sensation; Carrie Keagan; Real Housewives of Atlanta star, Porsha Williams; and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, Kyle Richards.
Tyra Banks, one of The Governor’s boardroom buddies (plus his nephew Patrick) has a new makeup line called Tyra Beauty. The teams must create the Tyra Beauty experience in a 10 minute live presentation that includes the overall knowledge of the Tyra brand and represent the two looks, fresh face and fierce face.
The Project Manager and Plans
Team Prima – No one wants to go first, but because Porsha has a hair line, they choose her, whether she wants it or not. The women’s concept is to let professional models put the make up on themselves because it’s that easy to use. And that’s about it.
Team Arête – The obvious choice is Boy George since he’s the only man in the room who wears makeup. The concept is “Man on the Street” makeovers because it’s so easy to use, a man could put it on. Ricky is concerned about messing it up and making the women look like clowns. The men spend the entire day learning how to apply makeup on women.
Team Prima goes first. Brooke is the host who talks about the product while the models put on the makeup themselves. When the models achieve the fresh/fierce looks everyone starts dirty dancing. The message: Transform what you got to get what you want…or something like that. Everyone flubbed the last part, so Carnie decides to belt out Tyra’s name to cover this up. It doesn’t really work. Tyra’s fierce eyes look like they’re going to pop from her fierce head, but Team Prima is certain they’ve won.
Team Arête is next, and right away they are funny. One at a time, each of the men come out and apply the makeup. Matt is contour man. Neil is highlighter man. Eric was a little vulgar with his long, hard lash, but all in all they did a great job applying the makeup and talking about the technology in the product. They are certain they’ve won.
The Boardroom Feedback
The Governor reveals that one team was the clear winner and asks each project manager to share their experience. Of course both Boy George and Porsha have nothing but nice things to say about their team. The women sang and danced and the men surprisingly enjoyed learning about makeup. But here’s what Tyra had to say:
Team Prima – Had great buzz and energy, but didn’t talk about the technology or use any of their 8 famous faces in the presentation.
Team Arête – Stellar knowledge of product and the presentation was a wow. No negatives were mentioned so I guess you know what that means!
The Winners and the Losers
Team Arête wins! Boy George’s charity Safe Kids Worldwide is the recipient of $50K. The men leave and the women stay for the smack down. Arnold asks Porsha who he should fire, but she won’t can’t say. In fact, nobody will say who should go. The Gov says the women are ducking more questions than Congress. Porsha keeps flapping her lips and is told to stop talking and name two people to bring back into the boardroom. Finally, Porsha names Carrie (who helped as much as she could) and Snookie (who hid as much as she could).
Porsha tries her best to save herself and throws Snookie under the bus, but in the end, The Governor fires Carrie Keagan: You’re terminated – Get to the chopper.
I wish they would only do one-hour episodes, but NBC must have had a giant hole in their winter schedule on Sunday nights. Here we go:
The teams must create a song and video for Trident gum to capture life’s every day smiles with “Cherish Your Teeth” campaign. The teams will be judged on campaign integration, creativity, and overall entertainment value.
The Project Manager and Plans
Team Prima – Basically Carnie only said she would write the song and knows nothing about video, however, the rest of the ladies take this as her sign to volunteer for the PM spot and Carnie reluctantly accepts the challenge. Kyle comes up with the concept of having a “knockout smile” in the boxing ring with Laila Ali and Snookie, and everyone loves it except Lisa Leslie. She thinks it misses the mark, but Carnie loves it, and now she can concentrate on writing the song. A few problems with videography pop up and need to be corrected, but Team Prima overcomes that and reshoots.
Team Arête – Jon Lovitz somehow gets nominated and he accepts because he’s done a large campaign for American Express. His first idea is horrible, to make fun of the British and their bad teeth. Boy George doesn’t think that’s funny at all. The new idea is “Life’s Little Smiles.” Vince Neil and Boy George will write the song, though they have difficulty working together because Vince drinks while in the studio and BG is sober. The rest of the men will be in the video. Break!
Team Prima goes first and the video looks professional with Snookie drinking the gum then knocking out Laila with her “knockout smile.” The song is upbeat and catchy. However, the execs have poker faces and I can’t tell if they like it.
Team Arête goes next and right away their video is funnier. It features some of the men doing what they love and smiling. Matt eating a plate of hot wings wasn’t a wise choice, but the rest is good and so is the song. However, they quality of the video isn’t as professional as the women’s. Again, the executives do not give away if they like it or hate it.
The Boardroom Feedback
Once again, the women are certain they’ve won. Carnie sings Kyle’s praises as the concept creator. Everyone nods in agreement except Lisa Leslie who tells Arnold she didn’t like the concept but was a team player. Jon Lovitz says he loved the task and felt supported by him team. BG confesses to being bossy due to Vince’s drinking in the studio. Vince gets defensive and says two glasses of wine help with his creativity. Here’s what the execs said:
Team Prima – Likes: Loved production value and videography especially the black and white that turned to color. Dislikes: Plot overtook branding message.
Team Arête – Likes: Core message was achieved, it was smart that they leveraged their celebrity-ness and kept things authentic. Dislikes: Sloppy production and guy eating hot wings was a bad choice.
The Winners and Losers
Team Arête wins again! Jon Lovitz gets $50K for his charity St. Jude Children’s Hospital. The women are stunned they are two-time losers. Kyle stands by her concept even though the clients (and Lisa Leslie) say it missed the mark of involving everyday people. When asked, Lisa suggests Carnie take Kyle into the boardroom with her. Porsha says Carnie and whoever came up with the concept, like she thinks that’s a subtle way to not say Kyle’s name. Nicole is pressed to say who should be fired and won’t answer no matter how much Arnold tells her she must be strong like him. Carnie says she knows who she wants to bring into the board room with her: Lisa Leslie and Snookie. WTF? I can’t believe Kyle is spared.
Lisa does a champion job of explaining why she shouldn’t be fired. Snookie can only say she’s terrified and needs to find her voice. The Governor agrees that Carnie should have brought Kyle into the boardroom to be fired, but since she didn’t, it’s Hasta la vista, baby – get to the chopper.
So, what do you think of the New Celebrity Apprentice and the new celebrity host, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Who do you think will go the distance? Were the right people fired? Sound of below!
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.