Sister Wives begins with Meri summoning Kody and Robyn for a meeting. Mare is taking a trip, and the mystery is making Robyn nervous. Mare offers a brief catfish rundown, as she tells Kody and Robyn that she is traveling to Georgia to meet a sister-victim. Scratch that…because being an UN-victim is Meri’s new shtick — spinning a dizzying 180 degrees from her social media posts over the last year. Robyn thinks that it’s great for Meri to hook up with another lovelorn sucker, and Kody gives a thumbs up — after he makes sure that a new online honey isn’t in the mix. Meri hopes that the trip will be the nail in the fish-coffin, and the wives giggle over the prospect of this dumb story actually being over. Robyn and Kody high-five over their bloated bellies, and keep their fingers crossed that this loser will be a healthy influence.
Meri flies to Atlanta, and the two scorned lovers are thrilled to meet face-to-face. Meri gives us a rundown of how Sam captured her heart, babbling fresh lies when she claims that she intended Sam to be pals with Kody. Georgia Cheryl slips, asking Mare if she actually told her family that she was running off to meet another online weirdo. The women continue to swap fish nuggets, and we learn that Sam was pushing for the broke
Porn Sister Wives Closet’s financial info. Mare had Sam sign a non-disclosure agreement, even though they had never met. Mare talks about the California trip with “Lindsay,” evidently her dying make-a-wish, because she was battling cancer. Meri notes that she cracked the case when Sam’s texts aligned with Lindsay’s suspicious thumbs. TLC reenacts the sequence of events like a hardcore crime story, while Meri describes Lindsay and Sam’s diabolical game of relay messaging. Meri forgets that kicking Kody’s keister out her house doesn’t exactly align with her alleged petrified state. It’s challenging to beg for love, with a spiritual husband underfoot!
Meri and Cheryl continue to bond over calories and fishy victimhood, and it becomes increasingly clear that Samuel Cooper has a type. The duo decides to take it to the next level, and deepen their bond over a therapy sesh. Cheryl and Meri meet the therapist, blather out their favorite Sam anecdotes, and label the fish a brilliant manipulator. Meri and Cheryl are clearly obsessed, and Jackie Fish is undoubtedly blushing, somewhere in Oklahoma. The women blather on and on, making the therapist earn her TLC cash.
The women finally break for some plus-size retail therapy. The soul sisters hit the road, as Meri marvels at the idea of “progressing” away from her catfish fixation. She spills that Sam tried to lure her away from the clan, inadvertently switching up her story when she admits that she HAD considered leaving Kody. Mare points to a TV actor providing a hot Sam visual, and explains that Fish turned on the social media pressure when she realized that she was busted. The ladies check out a winery, and Meri loves it so much, she wants to leave Kody and live there. Meri reminds us that boozing is a-ok with the cult, because faux ignorance covers all sins. The ladies toast to fish-less existences, but it’s clear that the obsession is real. The ladies snicker, proclaim themselves bad bitches, and friends for life.
Back in Vegas, Meri and Kody meet with therapist Nance to debrief the trip, and determine how it relates to their mutual hatred. Meri laughs at the delightful Georgia memories, but Kody thinks that the whole story is weird. Kody is happy that Cheryl filled Mare’s love tank, because he is now officially off the hook. Kody decides that he’s thankful for the odd jaunt, because Mare may have finally pinned down what “IGNORE” means. Jackie Fish won’t give up — and Meri will probably never stop feeding the beast. Kody proclaims himself a caveman protector — at least until you kick him out of your house. Mare is thrilled, and evidently aroused that Kody still gives enough of a crap to defend her, but Kody’s brow is furrowed over his unforgiving evil thoughts. Nance begs Mare to tune out the fish, and gives her kudos for learning scads about “humanity.”
Mare and Kody agree that their relationship is in the bait bucket, and might need some attention. Meri admits that she didn’t rent Robyn’s uterus, because she sort of hated Kody, along with Robyn’s grubby used womb. Kody denies that the legal wife switcheroo had anything to do with this mess. We were all wrong…because their marriage sludge runs deeper than any online bottom feeder. Their issues were buried by pooped-out offspring, a dynamic Nance labels “complicated.” Kody attributes their perseverance to their commitment to polygamous clutter. Nance wants them to commit to compassion — but no worries, because it’s just for a designated time period. Nancy gives them a B- for decency and and F for plural love. Kody spills that Mare has been the absolute worst for 12 years, and Meri nervously smiles, admitting that she is sorta worried.
We take a blessed break from the catfish yammer, in time to hear that nature is lame. Mykelti plans to craft her own mock wedding flowers, evidently dissatisfied with the real thing. Truely is disappointed that her sis isn’t already knocked up, and Christine just prays God stops the constant weddings. Mykelti offers a flowery DIY lesson, and her sisters look blankly horrified at the idea of trying to out-craft Mother Nature. Christine and Mykelti struggle over the mathematical challenges of trailer-park chic bouquets. Christine explains the horrifying development to Janelle and Robyn, acting out the drama via wild hand gestures. Janelle just doesn’t understand why she has to engage. The ginormous love-bash is four months away, and Christine surmises that there will be plenty of time for lots of pre-sex interaction. Christine crosses her fingers, hoping that the experience will eliminate all doubt, preferably before the 400 guests arrive. Christine notes that Tony is beyond awkward, and feels badly that Mykelti might get stuck with such a big clod.
Later, we join the lovebirds for a photo-session, and another shot at convincing the viewers that they actually enjoy the outdoors. The couple poses for goofy photos, as Christine tries to convince us all that they are comedic soulmates. Mykelti’s siblings gag a little at the “touchy feely” spectacle, which Christine prays is intellectually romantic. Tony almost passionately drops Mykelti in the dirt, as her siblings reveal that the lovebirds gave them a free french-kissing seminar behind their mother’s back.
The episode closes with the commercially hyped announcement from Mariah. The harem powwows, and the family is relieved when Mariah spills that she is gay, not engaged. Shocker — not so much. Are lesbian weddings cheaper? Meri and Kody offer a couple of blank stares, and TLC cuts — leaving us all hanging.
Sister Wives steers into uncharted waters next week — don’t miss the fun!