It’s the first day of a bright new year, but things turned messy during Sunday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. With friends like these, who needs enemies? We begin with Cynthia, who is rejuvenating her boobs for a second time and for some reason thought she should invite all of the girls to her consultation. Kandi is not looking forward to seeing Phaedra after their non-dinner confrontation which just happened 24-hours ago. Kandi spills the tea on Phaedra for “dating” someone before Apollo entered the clink.
Then Phaedra shows up (last) and is sweet as apple pie, doing that thing where she cackles while sticking her tongue. The girls go back into the consult room and start playing with the implants like they’re taffy, and before the examination begins, Cynthia puts the doc on the spot to identify who has implants among the group. In a talking head Kandi tells us four of the girls have implants, not including her. The doc calls out Porsha, then calls out Kenya who denies it. Does she? Doesn’t she? I can’t tell because Phaedra is distracting me in her man-voice saying, “show me dem titties.” In the end, Cynthia decides to put off the boob job since she’s getting two other important lifts: a divorce and a new house.
Next Sheree is meeting with her interior designer at Chateau Sheree — which is naturally way behind schedule — no surprise here. The designer wants masculinity with a touch of femininity. Sheree doesn’t care as long as the furniture’s not from IKEA. So far Sheree is $100,000 over budget on furniture — no telling how much the actual house is over budget for. But mark this down in pencil, the housewarming party is in two months. In the meantime, Sheree hopes to “take a crap” in her house in five weeks.
Across town, Kandi is diamond earring shopping for Riley’s 14th birthday present. Mama Joyce is with her and also picking out things she wants Kandi to buy her. Kandi updates her mom on the Phaedra situation, and says she shaded Phaedra for shading her family. Mama Joyce warns that Phaedra had better be nice or she will feel her wrath. Anytime Mama Joyce is in a scene we feel her wrath. Meanwhile, Kandi isn’t being exactly honest with Riley about the “birth giver’s” reaching out story, but tells her from now on, Riley should contact Block directly and leave her out of it.
Noelle and Peter meet for a 90-minute hot yoga class because Cynthia says the two can have a relationship. Peter is having gastrointestinal troubles and thinks Noelle is trying to kill him. Afterwards, Peter tells Noelle how great she looks as the face of Cargo. Noelle expresses how hurt she was that Peter, as her second dad, hasn’t reached out to her. Peter explains that he was trying to respect Cynthia’s space. Noelle cries because she is caught in the middle and feels like nobody cares. They hug it out and Peter says he’ll visit her whenever he’s in Atlanta – which is more than he visited Cynthia.
Okay, brace yourselves for this next scene, y’all. Porsha and Shamea are doing the yoni egg. This is cray-cray, but it’s a semiprecious stone carved into the shape of an egg that you place in your vajayjay. According to Google, this isn’t new. It dates back 5,000 years to concubines, but Porsha thought this would be fun — almost as much fun as that colonics she had. Anyway, the yoni egg is supposed to help with fertility and increase your sex life. But get this, to remove the egg, you must squat like a chicken and lay the egg. Sheree is late and walks in on the ladies with their asses in the air. She’s like, say what? And passes on the egg because Aunt Flo is in town. Porsha is certain that Phaedra would love this egg shoved up her hoo-haw, and speaking of Phaedra, Sheree spills the tea that Kandi admitted Phaedra “dated” before Apollo went to prison, she even wanted to marry the guy. Shamea says that when she was married, Phaedra hit on her man. Porsha doesn’t like Phaedra‘s business being spread around town, like a hoe on holiday.
It’s birthday celebration time for Riley! They eat the cake straight out of the box and do some dabs. The first gift is the diamond earrings. The second gift is a blingy necklace. The gifts total $5K – for a 14 year-old. Riley announces that her dad, Block, called to say happy birthday and mentioned hanging out sometime. Riley wants her mom to go with her, but Kandi shuts that down. Todd asks his daughter Kaela what she thinks because she knows all about meeting an absentee dad later in life. Kaela recommends for that first time, Kandi go to help Riley be more comfortable #OutOfTheMouthsofBabes. Kandi tells Riley she’ll go. Mama Joyce says she’ll go but let’s wait on that — we may need her for the second meeting.
Now for the bombshell. Phaedra, Sheree, and Porsha meet for drinks. Porsha tells Phaedra how much fun she missed by not thrusting an egg into her hot pocket. Then they tell her what all Kandi said about her “dating” while married. Phaedra doesn’t understand why Kandi is so angry and has it out for her along with her “thugs she calls employees.” But here’s the real hot tea — Phaedra says Kandi is sleeping with, NOT only Todd, but with someone else — Lordt! Phaedra even demonstrates with her fingers what they are doing, but guess who the other person is – Shamea!!! The same girl who claimed Phaedra hit on her husband. Porsha, who is also a close friend of Shamea — seemingly cosigns Phaedra‘s bombshell tea about Shamea.
It’s Zen time over at Cynthia new digs. She brings her mom and sister Malory to see her new lakefront home along with Noelle. Today is Cynthia’s six-year wedding anniversary so, pop the champagne cork! Cynthia tells her mom and sis that Peter and Noelle are forging their own way. Cheers to Cynthia’s rebirth.
Porsha decides to put her nose where it don’t belong and hold a meeting to stand up to Kandi, aka the ‘bully,’ for spreading lies. Her partner in crime is, Sheree. In walks an unsuspecting Kandi, but it doesn’t take long for her to figure out something’s up. Porsha and Sheree mention the gossip that Kandi has spread about Porsha sleeping with Block — back in the day. Then they mention Kandi’s trash talking about Phaedra “dating” another man before Apollo went to the pokey. Kandi is like — who cares — baby Ace got a third tooth. There’s some back and forth about who knew what about Phaedra, but Porsha won’t admit she knew about Mr. Chocolate. Sheree is just sitting there. Is anybody going to mention the ménage au trois Kandi is supposedly involved in? No. Kandi says goodbye walks out.
Porsha thinks Kandi is too defensive and doesn’t believe that Phaedra cheated on Apollo. Sheree wonders if Porsha is playing dumb about Phaedra “dating” another man or if she really is that dumb. Sources say: it’s a tie! Porsha drops a bombshell that Kandi is still in her closet. Things are about to get real messy, y’all. See you next week when Kandi‘s threesome drama explodes!