The ladies of the 90210 are rocking it out, as The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills takes off. Erika is headed to the land of make believe, nervous about her big shot at fame on The Young and the Restless. Erika rewinds her pro-actress past, insisting that she could hit it big with her clothes on at any minute.
We jump to the always classic Kyle and Lisa meeting, where Lisa introduces her next plan to stop the dog meat trade in China. The serious talk turns naughty, when the duo begins to rehash Erika’s commando performance. We flash back to Dorit and Kyle engaging in portal prattle, as Kyle informs us that Dorit is pretty crotchety about whole deal. Lisa quips that Ken was jealous of PK, clearly unaware that viewers watched him cringe in horror at the mere mention of Erika’s naughty bits.
Kyle and Lisa debate the importance of knickers, while we get Restless with Erika, who is arriving at the CBS studios. It’s a mutual fan-girl moment, as Erika and Eileen greet each other for the big Y&R producer sit-down. Erika is nervous, because this gig is as famously soapy as it gets. Erika “acted” years ago, before cocktail waitressing opened up the bright new world of gold digging. Erika’s dream role is simple, trashy, and achievable — kinda like her current shtick.
It’s an exciting day for Dorit and PK, because their baby daughter, Phoenix, is about to be rid of her skull headband. The doc gives the green light, and Phoenix’s head is free and scrumptiously adorable.
We hop over to the land of poly-ponchos, aka the QVC Pennsylvania war room, in time to hear of Rinna’s determination to hawk dowdy fashion until she collapses. Rinna and the team strategize pushing stock, and hit the stage. Her current gig is strenuous, but the payoff is big. Rinna wants to be able to support her hubby, and knows it’s worth strutting in mini-tents non-stop to make their financial dreams come true. During a break, Rinna phones Harry, who stumbles through a personal endorsement, likely read from a crumpled notecard. The couple’s daughters are hanging in NYC by themselves, and both Harry and Lisa are tracking their every move. Back at the Umansky’s, Kyle jabbers at her assistant, before calling Mauricio to chat about her new series. Women are actually auditioning to play parts — and Kyle finds the experience a strange one. Portia didn’t make the cut, probably because watching her daughter being treated like a trained seal on film would trigger horrible flashbacks. Mauricio offers support, throws out a few “amaaaazings,” and calls it a day. Back under the home shopping spotlight, Eileen calls in to support Rinna — who is deliriously slinging plaid squares with head-holes to her cat-hoarding fanbase. Eileen nails it when she describes her pal as “simple.”
We join Lisa and Ken, who are checking in with a local dog rescue center, and lots of cute puppies. Lisa tries to adopt them all, but Ken shuts down her hyper dog passion. Ken is filmed lovingly helping groom the animals, as Lisa shares some puppy-love tales from their past. Lisa plans to go political with her cause, and is ready to slog through the raining bureaucratic poop to accomplish her mission.
Rinna and Eileen meet up with Dorit for drinks, and after Rinna gives her crack assessment of Dorit’s style, they settle in for a gab-sesh. The couch is rocking some QVC plaid — as Dorit shares the happy news about her daughter’s perfect noggin. They all agree that parenting is a bitch, and we learn that an escape room outing is on the Bravo schedule. Dorit relays the gory puss report to Rinna and Eileen, who gasp, giggle, and twitch through the gruesome tale. Rinna assures Dorit that Erika isn’t interesting enough to be ditzy, and surmises that living with daily movement means an occasionally unavoidable snatch-flash. Rinna schools the viewers on the pitfalls of judging a puss-patter by her cover, wanting us all to learn from her shameful prudishness. The women chatter and cackle over Erika’s off-stage uncrossing habits, and Dorit vows to never leave the house without a spare pair of panties again.
Later, Kyle and Dorit meet up to shop, and Dorit gives her a Pantygate update. They snicker over PK’s crotch gawking, and Dorit decides to give Erika a tease and say it with new panties. We jump to Eileen and Erika, and hear the hilarious news that Erika is giving Rihanna a run for her money. Eileen knows that Erika will rock the soap world, revealing that Erika has been invited to read, evidently a “really special” development.
The girls all gather for the safe room exercise, and Dorit presents Erika with the new undies. Dorit squeals out PK’s cooch-cosign, and Erika is not amused — but accepts the gift. Dorit pushes it, and continues the Basic Instinct replay until Erika finally has had enough. Erika tells her to knock it off, or she will give up underwear permanently. Dorit is scared out of her own undies, and vows to not let Erika’s bare snatch fester her into the danger zone. Lisa arrives and joins in the banter, until an escape pro mercifully breaks it up to start the festivities. The ladies are released into a Carlton flashback dungeon, and get to work. Lisa gets teamed with Eileen, inspiring her make it snappy.
The women jabber over each other, wave mirrors around, and finally make it out. Eileen expresses pride that she made it through an exercise with Lisa without demanding an apology. The group basks in their success over a meal, as Kyle shares that Kim is a proud grandma-to-be. Kim is happy, sober, and probably fooling no one. Kyle stirs it up, and snarks about Lisa and Eileen’s miraculous breakout teamwork, and throws in a mention about the controversial panty gift. Kyle’s shady comments work, and another round of crotch commentary begins. Erika turns it on Dorit, and points to PK being a potential pubic perv. Rinna bleats out a series of ewws, as Dorit admits that most men tend to stare at lady-bit peek-a-boos. Kyle gleefully quips that Erika wants Dorit taken down, crowing her shady comments an on-point success. The ladies agree to shut down the labia debate — but we know that such a notion is an impossible dream this early in the season.
Dorit continues to make waves next week — don’t miss the fun!