Here Comes the Bride!
Tomorrow is the big day, as Sister Wives—Wedding Edition launches. Maddie and Caleb are about to get hitched, and everyone is excited. Maddie shares that she tends to be intense, like her dad, but hopes to not act like as giant a donkey. She hopes to hit a happy medium, as she bosses her way through her eclectic, free-spirited, sporadically lacy vision. The lovebirds push through several random fabric banners, before barking out their next set of orders. Maddie’s stomach is stressed, and she would likely be puking up breakfast, if she knew that TLC is rewinding her and Caleb’s love story for the millionth time. Kody is pooped, but ready to pull off an epic last-minute ceremony. Caleb’s dad, Mike, appears, and we hear that although he is a pastor, he passed on performing the ceremony. He recently lost his wife, and is struggling to regain his balance.
Kody gets busy writing the vows, separating the crap from the nuggets of genius. Kody runs down his Maddie miracles, hashing out his ideas with Mike. The wives cackle about Kody’s gift of spontaneity, but worry that the ceremony might go on all day. They also obnoxiously imply, more than once, that polygamous marriage ceremonies are more “sacred” than traditional ones. Kody rambles and babbles about knighting Caleb up a peg, to elevate him worthy of his precious treehouse princess. He giggles over his love poetry for his daughter—his comments ricocheting all over the place. Caleb and Maddie work out the ceremony details with their dads, but Kody is worried that his love poetry is stupid. Kody is confidently nervous, and likely correct about his poetry. He plans to wing it.
It’s rehearsal time, a shockingly unfamiliar ritual to the harem. The scandalous tradition of “walking” just isn’t done, and the ladies hope that they have absorbed enough movie knowhow to pull off the harrowing task. Maddie, evidently mad with princess power, sharply directs the family to get the rehearsal underway. Maddie speaks truth for many, when she barks that no one cares about her annoying family’s input. We are reminded that Mare is in charge—her big chance for a spotlight comeback. Random white fabric sways in the wind, blocking the beauty of the pesky landscape. The group gives it a go, but without Meri there to give ‘em a-1-2-3-4, it’s a disaster. Meri shushes the wedding party into submission—and after about a dozen tries, they manage to shuffle to the beat.
Truely and Sol rock the runway, two mini-Brownies makin’ it work. Kody feels a buzz in the air, and Mariah is bawling her eyes out, at the spectacle of her half-sister’s successful quest for singular love. Mare reminds us that we are all to focus on Maddie—giving us a week off from their wreck of a relationship. The wives tear up over a woman finding her very own mono-sweetheart. Kody agrees, weirdly labeling Caleb “my boy.” Maddie briefs Meri on her duties, evidently promoting the pro-organizer to full-time wedding planner. Kody tags Mare as a “Zilla” —and Mare is flattered by the tossed treat of shady attention.
The sun is shining, and the big day has arrived. Caleb kicks off the day with a hilariously lame prank about disappearing hillbilly-wear. Meanwhile, Mare-zilla is hard at work, making the place gypsy-chic. Maddie is writing love letters to her parents, an arduous task, since there are five of them. Caleb’s brothers trim and tidy him up, while Maddie’s empty dress poses for photos, like a monogamous ghost. Maddie’s siblings weigh in on the weirdness of the day, and Caleb is ready to get his future started.
Maddie gets into her dress, and the “rustic” gown is a bit large. She amps the boho gypsy vibe, with hair flowers and cheap jewelry—a couple of dirty feet adding the finishing touch. Dezi becomes emotional—but while Maddie loves her bestie, she has no plans to share Caleb’s heart with another. Janelle, swathed in lavender, lumbers onto the scene, and Maddie gifts her mom with a Hallmark moment. Janelle is a tough ol’ broad—but admits that her kids stir her barely semi-conscious exterior. Truely is excited, and the gals exit for family photos. Maddie is glowing—as TLC walks us down Maddie’s memory lane. Christine sighs, missing the simpler days of strawberry dresses, and plural unicorns. Robyn astutely notices that Maddie is now a woman, as Eri-May bellows through the photo session. Meanwhile, Caleb and his team bow their heads, and pray that Kody doesn’t blow it.
Kody’s vows are coming along, but he is stressed about corralling his chaotic inspiration. Kody blows the groom cake surprise, as the two groups pose for pics. Logan’s girlfriend gets her moment, delivering Maddie’s letters to the men. The gesture is sweet, until Kody reads that Maddie is kinda marrying another him. Caleb notes that polygamy is gross, but Kody’s ween-sharing ways make him the icky guy that he is. Kody continues to unscramble his love cliches, throwing out barfy lines like “a flood of wonderful.” Maddie believes that Kody is overthinking the wonder, as the wives flood into the venue. Maddie looks pretty, whenever the bouquet-shrub doesn’t block her entire body. Kody chokes up at his daughter’s beauty, and tosses Janelle a kind compliment.
Maddie gives her dress a yank, and the wedding begins. It’s a grassy mix of heehaw and flower child, topped by a shaggy-haired dad, proudly escorting his daughter down the aisle. The decor looks like Target’s summer clearance aisle blew up all over laundry day—bringing Maddie’s vision to life. Caleb’s father offers a dramatic opener, before Kody takes over. Caleb is blown away by his father’s “knighting,” until Kody kills the mood with a stupid joke. Kody begins hollering out a string of random thoughts—all jumpy, weepy, or creepy. He meanders through marriage advice, encouraging the couple to keep their shady sarcasm inside the immediate family. He finally gets to the vows, and does fine, until they all realize that he has forgotten the rings. The couple covers the slip, quickly exchanging rings, after an awkward exit.
Janelle later admits that Kody was a hot mess, but pulled it off. She gets weepy during her reception speech, spilling that her life has largely been spent in polygamous hell with horrible people. TLC editors flash to Meri, to illustrate her tale. The groom’s cake is revealed, and it’s a podunk beauty. They hack into the cake, fling the garter, and toss the bouquet. Mariah catches it—in a poetic dig at her lovelorn mother. The dance party starts, and Kody flings Maddie around one last time, before Caleb takes over the flinging, full-time.
Next week, we return to the ongoing fallout after Meri’s wrestle with an online catfish—jumping from true love, to a love story gone fishing.