We begin this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta with a scary scene – Porsha is killing two birds with one stone, and the two birds are Phaedra’s kids!
Porsha is babysitting Ayden and Dylan so she can see what it’s like to have kids and Phaedra is going out so she can see how to get her freak on. Five minutes in and Porsha can’t handle the boys because they are smarter. Finally its bedtime and Porsha tells a story about a princess who will grant three wishes. How about these: 1) Don’t have children alone. 2) Don’t approach a man like a sperm donor. And 3) Don’t think babysitting is like having kids.
Next, we are with stage momager Sheree and her son Kairo. Kairo has decided to cash in on his good looks and Sheree is managing baby’s first photoshoot by objectifying her son with no shirt and a greasy chest. Bob walks in and halts everything so he can show how it’s done. Thankfully Sheree shuts this down, but Bob warns Kairo not to pose in Speedos. Good advice! Make sure it’s tighty whities.
Over at Kenya’s house we get another look at her broken garage window and learn the old adage still applies — people shouldn’t live in glass garages – but what’s a girl to do? Why… call her daddy! Kenya gives dad, Ronald, the 411 on the Matt situation. Ronald thinks Matt needs professional help so he tells Kenya to book him on the next flight. Kenya is worried that something’s gotta give and hopefully that give is — Ronald knocking some sense into Matt’s head.
Meanwhile, Cynthia is the owner of a gorgeous new house and is completely stunned by this news. Was she hoping to get turned down? Cynthia says she’s been praying for this house and her prayers were answered! Hallelujah! Hopefully her prayers will be answered on how to pay for this big ass new mortgage. Moving on up!
Kandi is having a business meeting when Phaedra’s assistant calls to set up dinner for her and Kandi – never mind how much more it would mean if the call actually came from Phaedra. Kandi agrees to the meeting though doesn’t ask what the agenda is – and we all know there is one. DonJuan suggests that maybe Phaedra wants to discuss the bomb threat. Spoiler alert: he’s right. Kandi recaps how Phaedra claimed that Drama was only there to drop off his music which was “da bomb.” Everyone in the room busts a gut over this twisted version of the truth. Kandi also shares how Mama Joyce told the ladies at the luncheon that Drama was tired of being messed with and wanted to blow Phaedra the “f*ck up.” Kandi wants to know why, if Phaedra ain’t worried about her safety, does she have a bodyguard? Or is her bodyguard actually her boyfriend the infamous Mr. Chocolate?
Across town at Phaedra’s office, Drama’s mama stops by to tell Phaedra she has nothing to worry about, her son isn’t going to kill her. Phaedra says she’s tired of people trying to turn this bomb threat into something it isn’t. And this is why Phaedra has called to set up dinner with Kandi so she can tell her to shut Mama Joyce up and down. Drama’s mama and Phaedra lament over how cruel the world is that we live in.
Over at Porsha’s mom’s house, sperm donor Todd is invited over for family dinner. Little does Todd know, he’s on the menu: Toddster mac & cheese. He scores points by scooting Porsha’s mom’s chair closer to the table – even though she is already sufficiently pushed up to the table. And when asked to say grace, Todd declines and defers to the lady of the house. It takes a while for Todd to find his tongue, but he shares that he has two sons, 16 and 14. Lauren asks Todd if he wants to start over at this stage, and it takes a long ass moment for him to answer, but Todd eventually says “under the right circumstances” which is code for “not if he has a say so.” Todd tells everyone his feelings are genuine, then tells Porsha he loves her and kisses her at the table in front of everyone. Awkward!
Kenya’s dad arrives and checks out the broken windows of the garage. Kenya cooks some fish for her father, he listens to what went wrong with Matt. Ronald recites Corinthians verse that says; love is patient, love is kind, love don’t go around breaking windows. Kenya is convinced that Matt loves her and he’s a solid person, however, Matt’s path is filled with debris right now. Ronald wants a meeting set up with Matt so he can see what in the hell is going on with this dude.
Cynthia, Sheree and Kairo meet up to discuss the modeling industry. After Cynthia glances through Kairo’s look-book, she asks to see the real goods and tells Kairo to lift his shirt. Sheree says she wants Kairo to be in New York’s fashion week which is like the Super Bowl of modeling. Cynthia says he needs to learn how to walk before he can run, so just sit back down, Sheree. Based on Sheree’s handling of Chateau Sheree, Kairo’s modeling career should take off in five years.
Kenya and her dad are at a cigar shop to meet up with Matt for the man-to-man talk and they wait and wait. Kenya checks her phone to find 17 messages from Matt saying he’s not coming. Ronald has Kenya call Matt and hand him the phone. Matt tells Ronald he is tired of being manipulated by Kenya. Ronald asks about the garage windows to which Matt says he doesn’t want to discuss this over the phone. Then get your ass over to the cigar shop! Matt wants an apology from Kenya, but his tone is all wrong, so he ain’t getting one.
Lo and behold, guess who finally shows up? Ronald schools Matt on the proper way to treat women, and that according to Kenya, Matt’s THE ONE, except for the anger, so he needs to start acting like it. Matt says that Kenya crosses lines and boundaries. Kenya says she has zero patience for bullshit. Matt says it’s hard to deal with someone who doesn’t think they have any flaws. Kenya says she wants to be safe and not with someone who tears up her house. Nothing is accomplished. Outside, Ronald gives Matt advice to walk off and don’t look back if he’s not in it to win it. After a final glance at Kenya, Matt walks off and doesn’t look back.
Now for showdown number two! Phaedra and Kandi. After ordering water, Phaedra brings up what Mama Joyce said at the luncheon about Drama. Kandi says she has no control over what comes out of Mama Joyce’s mouth and was only repeating what was on the news. Phaedra gets on her soapbox and says her crusade is to help black men and make black people better. Not including Apollo. Kandi asks about Phaedra’s bodyguard. Turns out, Mr. Chocolate the bodyguard was a gift from her parents.
Phaedra says they both are taking jabs at each other and Kandi says she’s only speaking the truth. Phaedra says if anyone should be angry it’s her – she’s a single mom. Kandi too was once a single mom and tells Phaedra to get real, she was ready to get rid of Apollo anyway. Phaedra says the reason for her pity-party and crying to NeNe over their friendship and not Apollo was because she loved Kandi more than she loved Apollo. Hand me a handkerchief, would you! After they each give each other fake best-wishes, Kandi walks out. It’s official, Kandi and Phaedra’s friendship is over!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! The Real Housewives of Atlanta will be on break next week and will return Jan 1. See ya next year!
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.