We join the Ladies of London with Marissa, her husband, the new baby, and their very bossy nanny. But are they moving to California? Could be. Marissa’s husband Matt has been feeling down trodden after some brawls in the nightclub business. Apparently it’s his dream to cut and run off to California – a dream Marissa was unaware of. She prefers to stay in London and is looking forward to letting her hair down at high tea with the ladies.
Next we visit Caroline F and her therapist named Caroline who makes house calls. Caroline must be the number one name in England. Caroline F explains to therapist Caroline the unfortunate incident of blabbing to the press in Denmark that her father has cancer. Caroline wrote a very long message to her father’s third wife, but she didn’t reply, and when Caroline rang her, the step-mummy hung up on her after telling Caroline she wasn’t very clever. Caroline says whatever she does it’s never enough and never right. Her family is still mad as a cow about her 2007 divorce and sided with her ex (who is an heir to the James Bond author Ian Fleming). The therapist tells Caroline to claim the courage of her birthright. They will need another session to explain what the bollocks that means.
It’s time for high tea with the ladies, but Marissa calls Sophie with scary news. Baby Sadie is sick and in the hospital. The tea is cancelled. Sophie calls Caroline S and Caroline F to tell them the news, but when she calls Jules, the two decide to meet up. They call Marissa and learn baby Sadie is doing better, but Marissa won’t be able to go to Mapperton. Jules is worried because she gets attacked when her wing-woman Marissa isn’t by her side. Sophie apologizes for putting Jules in that position and says she won’t ever do that again because her loyalties to Caroline S have faded along with her marriage.
Marissa and Matt take a walk around the block of the hospital to get some air. Marissa is at her breaking point over how difficult the last nine months have been for them. Matt tells her to keep a stiff upper lip and everything will turn out cheerio.
At Mapperton, Julie is preparing for everyone’s arrival, but is fretting over the weekend and becoming a trifle paranoid that the staff, and British people in general, are still being upset over losing the revolutionary war – and that an American is running Mapperton. Oh the horror! Thank goodness for Andrew the super butler who will be handling everything. Jules takes comfort in knowing that Caroline S never had a butler as wonderful as Andrew.
Back in London, Caroline S and her make-up artist/bff Luke pick up Caroline F, Juliet and friend Kim. They are running three hours late. Juliet begins rapping in the backseat, making the four-hour trip seem like six. Sophie and Adela arrive first and on time for the cake and champagne that Andrew set up. While they wait for the others we are entertained with how the sandwich came to be. You see, the Earl of Sandwich was a gambler who liked to eat roast beef while he played cards, however, it got his dreaded cards greasy. So he asked his butler – who wasn’t Andrew – to put his roast beef between two pieces of bread. The other players laughed at him and thus, the sandwich was born.
After driving past Stonehenge, the tardy ladies finally arrive. Caroline S tells Jules that having a place like Mapperton would be like having a noose around her neck. How about a tour? Everyone is excited except Caroline S. She’s yawning. Wake her up with the noose is removed from her neck, but not just yet. First we must listen to Jules’ house rules. She says they pertain to everyone except Caroline F because she’s always respectful. That is rude, but here are the rules: 1) No complaining about the food or passing plates around the table. 2) No saying you’re going to the loo and instead going to the front lawn to smoke a cigarette. 3) Be back for dinner at 8:00pm.
The ladies don’t like having rules and wonder if they spending the weekend with Lady Julie or Lady Bitchy? This is not sitting well with Caroline S who is not here for Jules’ entertainment, Jules is here for hers. Off they go to a hotel because even though Mapperton is like this huge estate, only Sophie and Adela are staying there..
Everyone is dressed to the nines, ready to go back to Mapperton for dinner, except Caroline S who’s late because she’s still smarting off to Luke about Jules’ house rules. Juliet, Caroline F and Kim are not happy waiting around for Caroline S who thinks she’s Lady Madonna. They finally arrive for dinner two hours late, breaking house rule number 3. At the table, Jules points to where everyone will sit and places Caroline S on one side of her and Juliet on the other. Jules must be following the “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” house rules.
So dinner begins with Jules explaining the reason she sat Juliet and Caroline S beside her, despite the last time she saw them and they were shouting at her, is to show she’s not one to hold a grudge, which is code for, she’s better than them. Cheers! Caroline F must have taken her happy pills because she declares there’s lots of love in the room. She apparently doesn’t see the daggers flying from Caroline S’ eyes at Jules – especially after Jules announces tomorrow’s outing will be fishing. Poor Lady Julie, she didn’t know Caroline S doesn’t like boating unless it’s in St. Tropez.
Jules explains to Caroline S that when you are invited to someone’s home for the weekend you need to show respect, and then looks to Caroline F to back her up. Caroline F says, and I quote, “when you’re given a choice, you’re given a choice, and when you’re not given a choice, you’re not given a choice.” Does that clear everything up? Adela can’t believe her friend (who got her on the show) is being so rude and spoiled. Caroline S tells Adela she doesn’t care and explains the so-called house rules are choking her and she won’t be told how to behave especially since this isn’t the best thing to happen to her all year. That must have been either her business shutting down or moving to Dubai. Adela tells everyone to let Caroline S leave because she’s exhausted from being driven out to Mapperton and having her makeup done. After some bickering at the table, Caroline S gets up and walks out. Hopefully not before complaining about the food and smoking a cigarette in the front yard!
Tune in next week when the Ladies of London go fishing without Caroline S and have a bang up time.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.