Love mixes with shady manipulation, as two Brownies bask in this week’s Sister Wives spotlight.
Mad prep is underway for Maddie’s bridal shower, as Sister Wives kicks off. The family gives us a polygamous shower tutorial — tittering about uptight pantry traditions. On deck player, Mindy Jessop, scores an unusual chunk of camera time, dishing on the naughty fun to come. Christine hopes that Mykelti will covet the party — and delay her wedding date in order to score the same bounty. The ladies are excited for the shower, even though there’s a hot wind blowing — for once not shooting from Kody’s yammering mouth. The gals might have to move the party indoors, so the lingerie doesn’t blow over a fence. Janelle shares that she threw in the towel early on the planning front, noting that being engaged in the process is overrated. The wind is a whipping, problematic for celebrating true love. The decorations are blowing away, and facing a decision to move the party indoors is an earth-shattering dilemma.
The hour has arrived — and while the breeze hasn’t died, it doesn’t dull Maddie’s windblown glow. Janelle isn’t emotional about the wedding, because Caleb is simply camouflaged perfection. The women arrive for the party, and the wind finally dies down. Janelle is worried about the younger girls seeing dirty-girl panties, but the mood lightens, when the wives are asked to gnash their teeth like starving wolves at swinging donuts.
The bridesmaids present Maddie with lingerie pieces draped on housewares — and Caleb arranges for her to publicly unwrap some hideous camo underwear. Maddie is mortified — but the stunt does not blemish Caleb’s spotless record. The shower is a proclaimed a scandalous success.
There Goes the Bride
Maddie calls a wedding strategy meeting, and doles out tasks to all of the women. Christine, Meri and Robyn are preparing a sure-to-be cringeworthy dance — and Kody wants in, as the guest narrator. Maddie isn’t thrilled with all of the noisy opinions, and demands to know every word of Kody’s officiation. Kody shrugs, but knows that he will whip something out of nowhere — and it will be epic. Maddie is not enthused. We accompany Maddie and the girls for a dress fitting, and due to some weight loss, it needs to be taken in. Mariah is beaming, and the family all take turns gushing over Maddie’s ravishing confidence.
Later, Christine and Robyn shop for an open house party, which is planned for a week after the wedding. They decide that ugly trays on the floor scream ‘bohemian,’ but they draw the line at hippy decor. The ladies squeal with common delight over a hideous sofa — as Kody reveals that Robyn and Christine are the closest galpals ever. The girls hit up a cookie place next—a sweet commercial sprinkled with Sister-snickers. Christine announces that she had recently gone off sugar — reacting to a cookie bite like it is a hit of acid. Kody shares that an “unhinged” Christine pisses him off, but Robyn just loves her silly sugary side. Christine reveals that her anger can ricochet any which way around the cul-de-sac, but is bound to hit someone who really deserves it. Christine apologizes for being reallyreallyreallyreallyreally wrong about Robyn, explaining that her attitude was just misdirected Kody hatred.
We shift gears, and learn that the wedding is under a week away. Janelle heads to Wyoming early with Maddie’s bestie, Dezi, to get crafty with the wedding decor. Janelle needs to “quantitate” the landscape, because she is nervous about everything, except the heaven-sent groom. The duo arrives at Maddie’s, and she shows off her DIY progress. Caleb’s sister joins the fun, and Janelle grabs the opportunity to wax poetic about the creepy inbred patterns which help define polygamy. Kody’s brother’s funeral sparked a love connection — a tale of terrible tragedy mixed with hot chemistry.
Meanwhile, Janelle has been breathy and gasping over Maddie’s weight loss, and her concern proves to be valid when Maddie slips back into her dress. Janelle cheerleads her daughter to binge a few on, and Maddie agrees, vowing to oink like a Brown until she gets to the altar. Janelle shares her thoughts about her own wedding — an event which effectively horrified her entire family.
We jump back to the present, and the gals bond over weaving bohemian dreamcatchers. Maddie gets pissy over the idea of anyone fishing during her big weekend, instead of opting to stare at her every second. Janelle backs down, clearly scared of the boho bridezilla. Back in Vegas, the family packs up to travel to Bozeman, for the big day. The women giggle over how undersized their cult turned out, due to Meri’s lame infertility — snarking that Meri and Kody didn’t spawn according to plan.
After a long drive, the family arrives at the sprawling venue, as the kids chatter and cheer over the upcoming love-bash. Maddie bosses the family into submission, as Janelle worries about wedding details. Kody hasn’t started writing the vows, and TLC accompanies his sheepish admission with a doofus horn melody.
Christine and Kody catch us up with the issues swirling around their ring-happy daughter, before we jump to the happy couple’s sit-down with the multi-parents. Mykelti blurts out that she’s engaged, then drops the real bomb — that she is now a hiker. She cuts to the chase, and spills that the lovebirds still want a quickie wedding. Janelle acts worried, because “most,” aka one-third, of her kids won’t be able to attend an August, somehow dubbed a “fall” wedding. Kody is already braced to negotiate a few months out of them, but the family’s phony squeals of delight drag him off-course. Janelle gives the couple a stay-in-school pep talk, warning them of the dangers of being buried in offspring. Mykelti’s “big plans” have been sidelined by podunk-love, a scenario eerily similar to another familiar bride. Kody blusters nonsense from the side, and the family is crushed by Mykelti’s impatient request. Janelle is worried about Maddie’s dramatically emotional sensitivity being overshadowed — but uses two less mouths to feed as a legit reason to stall. Kody talks down to them, snarking that Tony can keep it in his pants for a few more months. Robyn scolds him for his lack of tact, and overall ickiness. Robyn wants to appeal to Mykelti’s feminine side — minus the hormones.
They begin purring to the couple about pretty-pretty weddings — memorable moments of honoring joy, paid for by TLC’s pretty-pretty cash. Mykelti really doesn’t want to wait, but Kody promises a snazzy shindig. Mykelti abruptly agrees to mid December, and the family is thrilled, until Mykelti demands a free honeymoon. The clan declares her bratty terms a great deal, and agrees. The gang is happy that the couple has several months to get to know each other, and Tony is glowing over a free vacation score. Mykelti tells cameras that she mock-manipulated her parents, and that December was the plan all along. Later, the kids dish about Mykelti and Tony’s love affair — and unanimously vote BLECH. Tony spills to all of the kids about his romantic boulder proposal, and then lays a slobbery wet one on their sis, to give them all a thrill. Tony is shocked that any female can actually understand his garbled lingo, and on top of that, actually give a crap. Mykelti is his dream girl, but Truely thinks that the news is truly gross.
Next week is the big day! Here comes the bride…and her mother, and another, and another, and another. Don’t miss it!