Love mixed with hatred shaded last night’s episode of Sister Wives — let’s jump right into this week’s haze of multiplied confusion.
The bridal festivities are in full swing, and a “chaste” bridal shower is being planned for Maddie. Janelle is going to do her darnedest to be “present,” boldly breaking away from her zoned-out norm. Janelle has cut the buttinski wives out of the process, to up her chances for consciousness. Mindy is a wiz at parties, so she has been brought on board, to stick Janelle with a safety pin from time to time. Janelle shares her concern about tacky lingerie gifts, and plucky music accompanies a naughty harem giggle. The family discusses wedding wardrobes, and Kody gushes over Caleb’s sense of hillbilly style. Caleb and Tony meet, and Caleb shares about some sad losses in his family. Caleb is pronounced the better son-in-law by the head bitch in charge — Robyn snarking out the obvious clan opinion.
Maddie and Caleb go over the wedding itinerary with the family — telling the cameras that the sloppy Browns are always late. Janelle is baffled by Maddie’s organization, but Meri is thrilled that Janelle’s pathetic standards skipped a generation. We hear about the dicey wedding lodging, info strangely accompanied by haunting music. Janelle gets pissy that her new with-it reality isn’t being respected, and Christine blames the doubt on being shoved out of the wedding brouhaha. Janelle’s newfound alertness will be indeed be a tough adjustment.
We sit in on Christine and Kody strategizing a plan to stall Mykelti and Tony’s consummation — along with the pre-sex ceremony. Kody is ready to fight for sanity, hoping to stall until TLC offers to pick up another wedding tab. The ladies titter over their own weddings, and Meri can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. Kody travels to St. George to pitch ‘Operation Cold Shower’ to Tony. The men meet up, and Kody over-enunciates for both of them when he asks Tony to please back off. Kody speaks to Tony like he is four, and pushes for a December wedding. Back on the TLC couch, Mykelti snarks that she doesn’t care what anyone wants. Tony then drops a shocker, when he reveals that he is actually the mature one in the relationship. Mykelti just wants a small ceremony with a Yay Sex dance party, but Tony would like a larger affair. Tony promises Kody that he will speak to his petulant girlfriend, and agrees to keep it in his pants. Kody promises that the “gift” will be worth it — because he has collected his own, all over Utah. Kody impresses himself with his negotiating skills, and plans to write a book about his genius insight. Tony spills the deets about his planned proposal, and Kody crosses his fingers that Tony will parrot his wisdom.
We shift to Mykelti, who reveals a bashed noggin, evidence of her fierce hiking skills. She prepares for the engagement outing — happy that the cameras didn’t capture her last wrestle with nature. Mykelti suspects that Tony might pop the question today, especially because she already force-fed him the ring. The duo huffs and puffs up a slope, while they dream about a carb-filled lunch —which Tony forgot. Meanwhile, Christine and Kody complain that they don’t know Tony — while noting that Mykelti’s new hiking hobby is just plain bizarre. We rejoin the trekkers, as Mykelti continues to whine about an August wedding. The pair scales a fallen tree, as the the family takes turns gushing over the couple’s true love. The spot is lovely, and the lovebirds share a few granola smooches. Mykelti was hoping for more food, but is happy when Tony recites a poem and proposes. The effort is clunky, but cute. The ring looks nice on Mykelti’s sausage finger, and she’s so happy that she just wishes they could hit a wedding drive-thru on the way home.
Kody is headed to Salt Lake to pick up Mariah from school, and a couple of the boys are going along to help with the move. Mariah is still peeved about Catfish Sam, and Kody is hoping to talk her off the ledge. Mariah has shut out her mother, and Mare is glad that Kody is going to try to break down the wall that Sam built. The guys pack up Mariah’s apartment, and Kody pulls his daughter aside to hash out her side. Mariah labels Mare a banana obsessed bitch, who made her summer hell. Mariah tries to spill the whole truth, and lists lie after lie that her mother dished out. Kody scowls, and says that Mare was “targeted.” Meri had no agenda, aside from trolling for love. Kody seems curious for details — but a TLC placed talking head assures us that Kody really only desires healing. Kody labels Mare’s Sam-love as infatuation, and claims that Mare would never leave him — only kick him out of her house.
Mariah blasts her mom for not admitting her true feelings — adding that she would have dumped his ass in a heartbeat for a real man. Kody begins to feel swayed, but instead shoves the scandalous details under a rug. He tries to convince Mariah that he is partially to blame, but Mariah disagrees, lamenting the difficulty of having a lying sack for a mother. Kody goes on a mini-rant about the high cost of fame, and tabloid humiliation. Kody wants to pretend that it’s all a bad dream, but Mariah just wants the real truth to be acknowledged. Kody is in over his head, and hopes that Nancy is a miracle worker. Kody prays that Mariah has inherited his truth-dodging skills, and will cut her mom a break.
Meri and Janelle have an appointment with Nancy, another session in their never-ending quest to manage their mutual hatred. The duo relive the great eyebrow caper, hoping to earn a gold star and a thumbs-up from Nancy. Nancy is unimpressed, but Mare and Janelle believe that smiling at the same time means that their relationship is kinda-sorta improving. Janelle and Meri now wave at each other on garbage day — and that’s real progress. Nancy wants the wives to camp, drive, or just stare at each other in a confined space. Janelle labels the idea emotionally terrifying, and Mare reacts to the proposed nightmare with a panicked snicker. Nancy thinks that they need to work on vulnerability, and believes that a motivational ride in a car would do the trick. Janelle rolls her eyes, and has a breakthrough bonding moment with Meri over their twin “no way in hell” retorts. Nancy ups the awkwardness, and forces Janelle to cram next to Mare onto a squished love seat. The duo laughs through veiled horror, but manages to pull off the task without a fistfight.
Nancy coaches them to brace themselves for the upcoming auto torture, and through cringes, the women agree to give “themes” of individual interest the old cult try. Janelle isn’t sure if she is brave enough to give a single crap about Meri — but is determined to face what she describes as the hardest challenge of her entire life, with sluggish gusto.
Don’t miss the scandalous hillbilly underwear, as Maddie’s wedding shower goes down next week.