They’re BACK! That plural gang from Sister Wives — Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn Brown are ready to serve up an eighth season of plural hijinks. When we left the Browns, the family was reeling from Meri’s online canoodling, Robyn had quietly spit out Kody’s 18th child, and Mykelti had dropped a heart-shaped bomb about her future.
The new season begins with a lone donkey braying out a welcome — a poetic nod to the ass-like reality patriarch of the hour.
Maddie’s wedding plans are in full swing, and that includes recruiting an excited Truely to stand as a flower girl. Christine interrupts the excitement to inform us that polygamous weddings are somber, religious, and drab. The gang shares a giggle about hosting a monogamous wedding, because not a whisper of such a spectacle has existed since Mare and Kody started this whole ginormous mess. Later, we join Kody, Janelle, Mare and Christine, as they head to Montana to hire vendors for the event. They begin by choosing a menu, along with discussing how they all feel about a boozy wedding. Kody shares that while much of their family are tea teetotalers, some guests are drunks who can’t say no — especially when someone else is footing the bill. Go figure.
Kody shades his family, labeling them as finger wagging prigs — classy move, especially because the gifts have long been raked in. Maddie shares her plan to find a bartender who can babysit the greedy lush segment of the guest list. The family snuffles through the tasting — marveling at the wide array of vegetables the world has to offer. The dessert tasting is last on the agenda, and Janelle is so excited, she almost explodes. The scene turns out to be a snooze, but was obviously Janelle’s favorite. The family knocks off a Steel Magnolias groom’s cake idea, and the day wraps.
TLC rewinds Mykelti and Tony’s love story, and Christine’s hair looks all in a panic. She doesn’t know Tony, and feels badly about her stunned reaction when Mykelti dropped the bomb in Hawaii. Christine summons Kody to spill the beans, and Kody is shocked to hear the news. Kody points out that Mykelti is a bit flighty, and bored with life in the cult. Kody is worried that Mykelti might steal Maddie’s bridal thunder, and is concerned about going broke. We learn that Tony is an LDS convert, and that Mykelti can’t get in on it, because her parents are revolting reality polygamists. Christine is freaking out, as Kody gee-goshes his desire to know Tony better. They decide to have a dinner with the couple, to scope out the romance.
The big night arrives, and Tony introduces himself, gargling out his nervousness. Tony asks Kody to talk alone, and Kody strangely pulls him into a bedroom. The oversized pair plunks down on a tiny love seat, and Kody’s belly-busting sweater only heightens the awkwardness. Tony nervously asks Kody to bless his plan to propose. Kody prompts him to spill about their religious issues with the Mormon church, and the impossible dream of a Temple marriage. The mainstream church doesn’t take kindly to backwoods polygamists, so Mykelti’s wish to be baptized is a no-go. Tony assures us that whenever is fine, even if it happens when hell freezes over. Tony is disappointed that he didn’t get the Caleb treatment, and is taken aback when Kody doesn’t tackle him in a joyful embrace. Kody wants to give his blessing, but pushes Tony to agree to not nudge their kids against plural marriage — basically requiring him to pollute his devotion to his own church. Tony says sure, but draws the line at a long, sexless engagement. Tony wants to get married in August, but Kody pushes for a longer waiting period. Kody also wants his daughter unsoiled until marriage — to keep the “negotiation” process clear. Tony agrees, but appears appropriately confused.
Mykelti and Christine are summoned into the library, and Tony is relieved to be sprung from the love seat. The couple insists that their love is true — but admits that they have only been dating 5 months. Kody and Christine think that they are insane, and try to stall for a winter wedding. Mykelti and Tony comment that Donkey Kody is being overdramatic about wedding stress, rambling out more garbled nonsense until they accomplish the unthinkable — presenting themselves more ridiculous than Kody. Kody caves and gives his blessing, but Christine is not sold. Tony shades his future in-laws to the cameras, but agrees to wait until Christine feels better about their immature romance. Kody and Christine agree that they need a second opinion, and consult the couple who hired Mykelti and her fierce pawn shark skills.
The older couple dishes that Mykelti’s carbon copy of Maddie’s LDS story was “devastating,” ignoring the completely understandable, predictable, and DUH aspects of the church diss. The romantic duo believes that true love rules, but Christine is still freaked about ditzy Mykelti charging her way into Maddie’s bridal spotlight. A harem powwow is called, and Janelle wonders why the meeting is not at needy Meri’s house. Christine drops the bomb, and Janelle is speechless. A Maddie vs Mykelti debate kicks off, and Mykelti is nailed as an impulsive, eccentric, copycat.
Leftover Catfish Biz
Kody and Mare meet for a filmed sit-down, and break the ice by talking about Mariah’s bite-my-ass silent treatment. Mariah is still peeved at her mom for the summer of the Sam-fish, but Meri is tired of the stubborn disrespect. Meri pushes Kody to confront their own issues, and is horrified that this torturous hell is Kody’s idea of normal. Meri thinks that Mariah is angry, because she has a skewed idea about what went on with the Fish. Kody wants Meri to go into couple’s therapy to work through their internet-battered reality, and Meri agrees. Kody pegs Mariah’s anger, linking it to Meri tossing his butt out of her house — which invites a leathery blank stare from Mare. Kody reveals to production that her catcher’s mitt gaze is killing his hope for a resolution. Meri whines at Kody about being “in limbo,” but Kody wants to save the cringeworthy deets for Nancy’s couch.
Mare leans on Sam again, blaming his fishy wiles for poisoning her brain against Kody. Meri admits to anger, cluelessness, and pushing Kody away. There is a dramatic contrast between Meri’s weepy interview and her impatient stance with Kody—likely due to TLC’s famously wonky editing. The couple agrees that they both desire peace and safety — an earth shattering breakthrough. Meri is desperate for a handy husband — obviously another name for someone who just gives a crap. Kody points out that Mare ordered him out of her life, but Meri counters, noting that Kody won’t climb every mountain, or even get her a damn ladder once in awhile.
Camo naughties are in our future, as Maddie’s wedding grows closer. See you next week!