The Real Housewives of New Jersey is but a memory—with the final reunion episode wrapping Sunday night. Here—we—-go!
Teresa “reframes” her accusation that Jacqueline may not have exactly “set her up”—but instead talked to people who went to the Feds. Dolores and Siggy stick up for Jacqueline, and Chris chimes in, to share his insight. He admits to talking to some key players surrounding a shadowy “real estate dispute.” Chris encouraged them to work out an agreement, but Jailbird Joe shot him down. Chris asks Teresa if accountability will ever enter the picture—and we all know that answer. Joe and Melissa claim that Jacqueline was a chattering busybody in Teresa’s absence, but Jacqueline snaps back, pointing out that Melissa was the one feeding her the juicy info. Melissa blasts Jacqueline for ratting her out, but Teresa is too dumb to catch on. The duo blasts each other, but during-prison and after-prison realities cannot truthfully coexist. Chris speaks truth when he explains how Jacqueline played a losing game with one messy family. The show flashes back through the Giudice/Gorga feud, and Chris denies the rumor that Jacqueline was once a stripper. Chris calmly states that Jacqueline still cares about Teresa and Joe—believe it or not.
Teresa’s New Game
We begin the Ode to Teresa segment, by rewinding her butchery of the English language. Teresa blames her doofus lingo on temporary orthodontia, instead of permanent stupidity. Teresa’s fake homecoming, fake book success, and disgustingly staged family woe are rewound. Teresa finally chokes out the word “prison” noting that she hates that term because “felon” truly describes her more accurately. Teresa blames the mortgage broker, the bank, and the attorney, and believes that the press circus forced the judge to throw her in the clink. Teresa wishes a viewer a revenge jail stint for questioning her non-remorse, just before they all gush over Joe’s hot new prison bod. Teresa believes that Joe never cheated, because no one has forked over any pudgy sex photos. Gia is proclaimed the most mature teen of all time, before Andy TELLS Teresa how to dodge questions about Joe’s future in Italy. Teresa disses Kathy and Rosie one last time—labeling them toxic and unsupportive. Melissa gets nailed for distancing herself from Kathy because of Teresa—the pattern continues.
The trip from forced-drama hell is discussed, and Joey calls out Jacqueline’s Vermont dinner rant. Jacqueline and Melissa get into it about the raging gossip while Teresa was in prison, and Jacqueline accuses Melissa of opinion brainwashing. We all know that Melissa is a truth flipper to stay close to Teresa, but Chris amps the argument, when he busts Melissa and Joey for working to turn them away from Teresa and Joe. Melissa claims that her deepest heart’s desire was a for all three of the women to be friends—but Jacqueline’s voices in her head wouldn’t allow it.
The Nose Has It
Andy asks Melissa about her renovated nose, and Melissa denies the 4x overhaul. The Great Nasal Debate of Season 7 becomes heated, and Melissa and Jacqueline drag in Teresa, who manages to dumb down an already wildly stupid argument. Melissa comes to the harsh realization that she must come clean to her daughter about her face-reno—and explain that this is what a new mommy looks like. It’s decided that Jacqueline might have to be put down, because sheepish wolves always have rabies, or some such nonsense. Teresa continues to bleat and taunt, and Jacqueline quietly lobs a few of her own shots right back.
The Finale Showdown
Jacqueline explains her demanding finale strategy, but admits failure, after seeing Tre and her sidekick sporting defensive attitudes. Dolores backs Jacqueline, noting Teresa and Melissa’s finale swagger when they arrived at the restaurant. Jacqueline planned to welcome Teresa into the fake Bravo friendship zone—but didn’t think that Melissa was worth the bother. Melissa begins to yell “AHA!” until Chris speaks up and tells her to have several seats. Chris points out that Jacqueline ignored Teresa’s past directive to cut Melissa out, which immediately shuts Melissa up. Chris points out the Jacqueline loves and hurts hard, and Joey labels the screwy dynamic a disaster.
Lucy and Ethel
Bravo waves so-long to the friendship between Jacqueline and Teresa with a series of flashback clips. Jacqueline and Siggy tear dab, while Teresa offers a sincerely blank stare. Both women half admit wrongdoing, and Jacqueline tries to tag their frenemy-ship as a hair-pulling sisterhood. Teresa doesn’t bite, but caves and admits that she would come through if Jacqueline ever comes back for Round 8.
In the Nick of Time
The ladies share a rare memory of kindness, as we flash back to the moment the gals acted like real friends. The women offered empathetic support of Jacqueline’s day-to-day challenges with her son, Nicholas, and the memory is an emotional one. Bravo cameras zoom in on a strange closeup of Melissa and Teresa holding hands in unity during the motherly clip—to REALLY convince us that their family love is real. Siggy offers a nugget of expertise, reminding them all that she herself is a darned awesome mom as well. Siggy breaks down and begs for a group hug, to carry her over until she clamps JOSHUA into her arms again. Teresa reluctantly agrees to reality peace, and submits to a hug huddle. Jacqueline shoots the camera a parting shot of eye-snark, as the season officially wraps.
It’s off to the 90210! See you all in Beverly Hills!