Welcome back Peaches! We are in for a crazy ride this season on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. We begin the premier episode with Kandi, Todd and cutie-pie Ace waking up at 6:00am. Ace is too young to potty train, but it ain’t none of my business, so you two have fun with that, he’ll pick it up in two years give or take. Todd is sort-of hands-on dad who compares making a baby bottle to making a cocktail. Put it this way, Todd ain’t no bartender, and Kandi does most the heavy lifting.
Next, we catch up with Kenya and her puppy Twirl in Moore Manor that still is not complete, yet. Remember that hunk Matt from last year? Well he’s gone. They had a bad fight in Mexico and Kenya doesn’t have time for men with anger issues. She’s got a house to complete and a party to plan.
At last we get to see the inside of Chateau Sheree. Four years later, this place is also nearing completion. It’s a 10,000 square foot home because every single woman needs that. Sheree is over budget, but I think we all knew that. Having said that, this house is gorgeous, or going to be, one day. If you’re wondering about her ex Bob Whitfield? They remain in the friend-zone, but there is a “his” closet in the master. Wink, wink. Sheree’s decorator tells her she should be able to move in six weeks from now. And she don’t care what no one says about her time frame. It’ll be done, when it’s done, otherwise, bye, bitches.
In ten days, Kenya will be hosting her housewarming party. The house would have been completed by now, but there’s been a comedy of errors with her renovations. And you know what they say, if you can’t take a joke, don’t remodel. Time will tell if there’s a housewarming party or not.
Porsha stops by to visit her BFF Phaedra and we get to see how much Ayden and Dylan have grown. After Phaedra banishes them to another room, we learn that she is ready for “wood-hard love” now that her divorce from Apollo is about to be final. But she’s not so sure about this online dating thing that’s all the rage in the 21st century. Suddenly, a man on a horse and Cinderella carriage stops by to deliver Kenya’s housewarming invitation, with tiara and pillow. Girl, please. Porsha doesn’t think she’ll be invited, but not to worry, she’s going as Phaedra’s plus-one because she’s hot and not a thot, as per the instructions on the invitation. As you can see, some things get lost in translation.
Onto Cynthia who sadly is meeting with a divorce lawyer. Peter has been living in Charlotte for the past five months and she’s throwing in the towel. Cynthia wants to get through the divorce with as much integrity as possible. Ha-ha. It’s good to keep a sense of humor. Cynthia’s attorney will type up a separation agreement to help the divorce move faster and smoother. Oh yes, that’s all it will take, a typed agreement. Cynthia explains there’s a prenup, she’s not seeking alimony, and there has been no infidelity. Oh chile, you are kind and blind, but that’s why we love you. At least Cynthia is asking for the house. If all goes well, she’ll be a free woman in six months. Shit is getting real.
Guess what?! Porsha is seeing a professional for her anger. You go, girl! Cuz you need help! We join Porsha with what looks like her very first session. She wants to learn how not to put her hands on another person and how to walk away. The therapist asks Porsha about her past. Porsha tearfully shares how she was bullied to no end in middle and high school because of her big teeth and she contemplated suicide once. The therapist asks about owning her bad behavior (which Porsha hasn’t) and how she calms herself down (which Porsha doesn’t). The good news, for Porsha, is not all anger is bad. During her next visit, Porsha will learn some exercises to help control her anger. Won’t that be a complete waste of time fun!
Over at Chateau Sheree, her daughter Tierra stops by to assist mom. Kenya calls with an invite to the housewarming party, but according to Kenya, she couldn’t send the invite by horse and carriage because she didn’t know where Sheree is staying these days. Under the freeway in a cardboard box? Kenya is still sounding off when Sheree hangs up on her just as Kenya is about to say something nasty about Porsha.
Back with Cynthia, she is going through her paperwork at home, looking for the prenup, but can’t find it. She calls Peter to ask if he knows where it is. Peter says, “Ask yo mama for it.” The conversation is painfully lackluster and the thrill is obviously gone. Peter tells Cynthia he never wanted anything from her, but her. And he misses her face – the face Peter hasn’t bothered to visit in three months.
Now we are down to two hours before the party. Good news, there is a newer, wider, still steep driveway leading to Kenya’s house instead of the skinny, steep pathway that existed before. But it looks like the party is going down, so let the good times roll. (Just not down the driveway.)
Cynthia arrives early and she’s shocked the house is not ready for the party. After getting dressed, Cynthia spots a gift bag and balloons from Matt. Kenya tells her to read the note. It says, “I love you and I’m sorry.” Matt’s not invited tonight even though he helped Kenya renovate her home and was by her side. Kenya dabs the tears away over the fact that their love story may have an unhappy ending. Cynthia gives Kenya a pep talk and tells her to get excited about her new house. Dayum, girl! It’s awesome. Get it together because the guests are here.
Sheree has to wear flats to make it down the driveway so she doesn’t fall flat on her face. Hotlanta is living up to its name, as all the guests seem to be fanning themselves like the last party Kenya threw. Kenya makes an entrance to greet her friends, neighbors and vendors. She’s happy about the turnout and that no ogres are present – yet. Sheree tells Kenya her entire house could fit in her master bedroom – which isn’t true, but the first glass of shade has been thrown. Sheree asks if Porsha is invited and Kenya says hell to the no.
But here comes Frick & Frack! Porsha and Phaedra are on their way to Kenya’s party, tongues wagging like two well-dressed pooches. Kandi arrives and Kenya gives her, Sheree, and Cynthia a sneak peek of the master bathroom. To. Die. For. As they return to the living room, here comes Porsha and Phaedra who have difficulty navigating the driveway. Sheree gives an animated chuckle when she sees Porsha walk in. She knows, shit is fixing to go down, y’all.
Tune in next week when we see Kenya deal with not only one uninvited guest, but two!