‘RHONJ’ Recap: ‘Fuck You’ Dolores Betrays Jacqueline Laurita Over Teresa!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey begins in a less juicy world — because Joe is officially behind bars. We begin our new Jersey reality on a day dramatically entitled “First Day Without Joe.” The Gorgas arrive at the Giudices with Joe’s favorite, Chinese takeout, so the family can gather to remember the good times. Teresa looks like she had pulled herself together via a free-at-last makeover, but Milania is missing her dad and their zany adventures. The restored clan wonders aloud — dreaming of when they will speak to their caged patriarch again. Milania exits to squeal around on the quad, endangering her and her sister. Uncle Joey bravely steps forward, counseling his nieces on safety, while assuring us all that the substitute daddy/garbage guy is on duty. Teresa and Melissa chat about Dolores’ housewarming party, and the horror of seeing Jacqueline amidst Teresa’s struggle with her new prison widow identity.

We jump to Siggy and Dolores, who are meeting with a party planner, working to convince the pro that slab of granite is worth celebrating. Siggy explains that new granite equals restored  self worth — the true meaning behind the kitchen bash. Dolores agrees — as does the melodramatic Bravo backup music. Siggy and Dolores hope that everyone behaves like ladies, which would indeed be a first on this show.

Envy’s fashion show is on the horizon, and Melissa is nervous. Her manager, Derek, can’t hold his head up with a closed mouth, and her models might be so bad that they won’t be able to pull off walking in heels. Over at the Lauritas, Chris and Jacqueline are chatting about the Granite Gala, and their strategy to ignore the drama. Back at Dolores’, the party prep is in full swing, as Siggy bellows her family’s arrival.

The party kicks off, and Dolores’ family and friends gasp in unison over her spruced up house. Jacqueline and Chris arrive, and Jacqueline is rocking a snarky t-shirt. We catch up with Melissa and Joe, and learn that Teresa won’t be coming to the party. Teresa needs to man the prison hotline, until Milania can take it over, full-time. Kim D. takes a break from running with the big boys, to pop in for an appearance. Siggy continues her incessant bleating, as Melissa and Joe arrive. Melissa labels Jacqueline and Kim “the troublemaker crew,” and Kathy, Richie and Rosie score just enough spotlight time for Richie to make one crass remark. Joey greets Jacqueline kindly, but she gives him the cold shoulder, before she makes an exit.

Chris calls Joe aside to clear the air, and to arm wrestle over which wife was less unhinged in Vermont. Chris was upset and expected an apology, but Joe points out that Jacqueline was rather high-volume in her mini-rant towards his wife. Chris reminds him that Jac calls nose jobs like she sees ‘em, and was right to defend herself. After all, the freshly thick-as-thieves family is booting out outsiders, and Jacqueline is hurt. Chris defends his wife, insisting that Jacqueline got smacked instead of loved, during the dramatic dinner. Joey speaks reasonably, conceding that both women were wrong. They agree to talk their wives off their high-drama  ledges, and Chris agrees to kinda try and drag Jacqueline to the Envy show. Jacqueline begins honking for her hub, as Dolores gives an inspirational speech celebrating her slab-like renewed confidence.

We next join Siggy and her mom enjoying some much needed quality time. The pair are getting their hair done, and the mom/daughter moment is sweet. Siggy explains that sadness over her mother’s selflessness causes her to be selfish — a bizarre runaround excuse.

Over at the Giudices, Milania is honoring her dad by cleaning out the garage. The whippersnapper and Teresa bicker over the chores, and over-perform the tired rascally Milania shtick. Teresa pushes Milania to commiserate over missing her daddy — spreading sunshine in her husband’s absence. Milania tells her to cut the crap, and leave her alone. Perhaps Teresa should offer something for Milania to shave, to comfort her in her loss.

It’s Ladies Night at Dolores’ gym, and as the gals get ready for the big night, Jacqueline is coughing up a lung at home. Chris spills that he shrugged off the Envy invite, and Jacqueline agrees with the decision. Jacqueline texts Dolores to send her regret, but Dolores pushes her to wheeze and cough her way on over. Teresa arrives with Robyn, surprising the group with the thuggish memory. Teresa announces that she is DONE with Jacqueline — again. Siggy shatters the zen in Teresa’s yoga class, as Teresa bleats them through the poses, her tense direction wrecking any chance of an effective session. Siggy continues to kill the mood by force-feeding a helping of go-for-it expertise. Dolores proclaims the night a success, because her shoulders are back and her granite is legit, even in a Boo-less world. Melissa and Joey stayed at home, and Melissa is sweating fashion show details.

The next morning, we catch breakfast with the Giudice girls, where we witness Teresa questioning and nudging her daughters about their post-daddy emotions. Gia tells her to shut it, and Milania begs for mercy from the disgusting display of child exploitation. We jump to the Envy fashion pre-show, then check in with the Gorga family getting ready to go.

We switch gears, and join Dolores and Siggy chatting about the Envy event, and Dolores spills that she is at odds with Jacqueline. Jacqueline is peeved about not being featured on the promo-flyer, or about looking like a no-show in person — feeling like she was set up. Dolores is confused about what the beef is about, and explains that she just decided to let one good “fu*k you” cover her bases. Dolores claims that Jacqueline has been bad-mouthing her around town, and shares that she is upset and hurt. Dolores doesn’t get it, and Siggy believes that Jacqueline is just paranoid, and needs to cut the sh*t.

Next week the show wraps with it’s finale episode, with the Envy fashion show, and a final sit-down at Siggy’s. Don’t miss it! 

 

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