Welcome to Ireland, the land of beer and blarney! We are in for a hooley kickin good time, but not just yet. First we begin The Real Housewives of Orange County as the ladies pack for their trip. Bring your umbrellas! First up is Meghan who gets a call from Jimmy who won’t even know his wife is out of the country because he’s somewhere else. This trip is all because Meghan wants to do her Ancestry.com in real-time.
Next up we are at the Dodd house with Kelly’s ruminations about Michael and his alcohol problem at the Dubrow book launch party. Michael agrees that he had a fun time and in the future will try to limit his fun time alcohol intake. But Kelly doesn’t miss a chance to point out how well Terry treats Heather compared to how lousy Michael treats her. This trip cannot come any sooner for Kelly who feels she’s at a crossroads in her marriage. Spending time in Ireland’s pubs is sure to bring some clarity to Kelly.
Meanwhile, Vicki is packing and Briana spots men’s shoes. Oopsie. Those were her “coffee date’s” shoes that he “accidentally” left behind. Happens all the time. Starbuck’s is always having to deal with forgotten shoes. Anyway, Vicki tells Briana that her drinking partner in crime Tamra has said she will only have one bout of Irish flu due to her upcoming fitness competition. However, farting Tamra promised her trainer she wouldn’t drink at all during her trip. Spoiler alert: Tamra drinks within the first hour of being in Ireland.
The ladies gather at the airport. There are six women and 72 bags, and several Xanax’s later, they arrive in Dublin! It is rainy and gloomy and cold. However, their Irish digs – Powerscourt Hotel – is awesome. And they’ve created a special drink of champagne and Guinness beer. Everyone drinks up.
Meghan is placed in the Presidential Suite and Kelly volunteers to stay with her. Meghan reluctantly agrees. Roses are then given to Vicki from her shoeless boyfriend who signed the card, love Steve. Vicki’s timbers are shivering. Here’s a Kelly joke to the hotel management: What comes before Part B? Wait for it. Part-ay! For her next trick Kelly will destroy friendships while Meghan meets with a genie-ologist.
Top of the morning to ya! After Heather and Tamra work out, the women arrive at their first pup. They take Irish shots and Shannon is ready to part-tay in her green sequence shirt. Tamra is about as fun as her tan turtle neck when Vicki finally gets her to drink. Can I get a woo-hoo? Time to belly up to the next bar.
Back at the hotel, Meghan wants to compare notes with her genealogist. She feels a strong connection with her Irish pride and learns she’s related to practically everyone, just tap on their shoulder. And one of Meghan’s relatives was executed, how cool is that!
At pub number two, the ladies get their drink on and so far no one is fighting. But, this isn’t my first roll in the clovers. Vicki gets behind the bar and makes the bartender grope her. Kelly is having fun nose-flicking the others like she’s in second grade. Tamra, who is now wearing a green t-shirt, tells Kelly to knock it off. Kelly tells her to keep walking…to the bathroom, but Tamra comes back and says, “Are you talking to me?” like she’s De Niro. And here we go folks. The fighting Irish will now commence.
Kelly doesn’t understand why these uptight women don’t get the joke. Nobody likes her sense of humor. Tamra tells Kelly she’s crass. Kelly gives her a sorry, not sorry response to their sensitivity issues. Shannon tries to explain there is line of appropriateness that Kelly keeps crossing. But wait, it gets better. Kelly explains to Heather that Jewish people are supposed to be sarcastic, funny, get jokes and not take things personally. And since Kelly’s a Mexican, she says she’s exempt from being a racist. So no harm done.
Vicki is trying to be neutral, but needs to pick a lane. After Kelly calls Tamra out for being a $hit-stirrer, Tamra shows her how right she is by spilling the green beer on Kelly doing some dirt digging on how much Heather owed on her lot. Kelly calls Tamra a g*d damn f*cking liar, repeatedly. These poor people in the pub just trying to enjoy their warm pints of beer, please excuse our American rudeness. Onto the next place for pillaging, ladies!
Heather wants retail therapy. So outside, Kelly is walking with of all people, Shannon, when she complains yet again that Tamra is an effing liar and it’s no wonder her daughter doesn’t talk to her. Shannon tells Kelly not to say that, but doesn’t use the phrase “don’t you dare.” The cameras don’t go into the next store, but the ladies have hot mics. (Word of the week!) We hear Shannon tell Tamra what Kelly said and then we hear, but don’t see, all calamity break loose. Tamra says to Kelly, “You f*cking bitch. You talk about my f*cking daughter and I’ll f*cking kill you.” Kelly responds, “What are you talking about?”
Tamra goes back onto the bus and hyperventilates into Shannon’s chest. Tamra can’t stop breathing hard. Shannon is forced to tell Tamra she’s an amazing parent and Kelly is a f*cking moron. She says that Kelly is hurting so badly she is hurting others, just like Tamra originally said. Kelly blames Shannon for this whole mess.
Heather comes out of the store with this horrified look on her
frozen face. First time ever fancy pants has been kicked out of a store. Well Heather, you can thank Kelly for scratching that off your Irish bucket list. Heather doesn’t care that Kelly was pushed by Tamra. When Kelly tries to explain, Heather calls for a moment of silence.
Back at the hotel, Heather, Tamra, and Shannon have a cup of tea while “crazy town” Kelly goes to her room to tell Meghan about all the lies that lying Tamra is lying about. As an afterthought, Kelly admits to saying, “It’s no wonder Tamra’s daughter doesn’t talk to her.” Meghan makes a face like she’s about to give birth, and tells Kelly what she said wasn’t right. Meghan asks about her BFF Vicki who didn’t say a word to help her out. Kelly refuses to go to dinner with the mean girls.
Kelly calls Michael, who she misses deeply now that this fight has occurred and wants to come home because Kelly realizes Michael is the only person who ever has her back. Michael reminds Kelly that by not being at dinner, she’s ensured the others are talking about her. But they aren’t. They’re eating and dancing and having a hooley kickin good time during the bottom of the evening. Especially Vicki who right about now is apologizing to her boyfriend for flirting with every Irish guy in every Irish bar. Then Vicki and Shannon get on stage and dance. For two women who would never be friends again, they sure are acting like friends again.
Tune in next week for more of the fighting Irish and Meghan gets ignored by her “relatives.”
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.