We join the The Real Housewives of Orange County just in time for the candle store grand opening. Jimmy’s dream of selling candles is coming true. The other ladies begin to arrive. Shannon is tired from moving boxes all day so she hits the vodka. Vicki and Kelly show up together because they are joined at the hips. And Tamra arrives, but is slow to understand Meghan is only having one baby. Meghan and Jimmy thank everyone for coming and Jimmy takes credit for doing all the work, anything to get away from the wife.
Vicki and Tamra gossip about Shannon while Shannon is standing right next to them, flapping her yaps about her fat feet. Vicki decides the party is not the appropriate place to have a smack down with Shannon acting all Judy-attitudey. Heather leaves the party because she is choking from the abundance of candle scents. Wait, Heather, stay a little longer.
Shannon asks to speak to Meghan and tells her about leaving a heartfelt phone message for Vicki after the accident, but the rude bitch didn’t call her back. I mean, how was she supposed to know it was a serious accident. Yes, Vicki was taken by a helicopter from the scene, but really serious accidents involve police escorts, so of course Shannon was unclear of the severity of the accident.
Tamra hears her name from across the room and joins Shannon and Meghan to say she tried to tell Vicki to return the call, but oh well. Then Vicki comes over so Shannon mentions her heartfelt, 10 second phone message. Vicki says now is not the time and their friendship is as messed up as her neck. Shannon says their issues are about Vicki calling her beloved cheating, David, a pig, which Vicki still stands by. And get this, Vicki not only calls David a liar, but Shannon one too. Apparently, Vicki knows something about Shannon that she’s put in a box with a bow on it. Guess what? Christmas may come early!
Jimmy comes over to the girls and tells them to shut it down or take it outside. Tamra says Shannon needs to move on, and nearly gets her face bitten off by Shannon. The arguing escalates and Shannon and Vicki announce they are no longer friends. Again. Surely there’s a candle that can save this friendship. Perhaps witch hazel?
Next up is shopping. Vicki nearly falls down when she gets her shoe stuck in a crack, and then her nip-slip falls out. Tamra arrives in time to see the hilarity. They are shopping for a fancy dress to wear to Fancy-pants book launch party. Vicki has just come from a lunch date with a cop, and she brags she has several great men in her life. Tamra volunteers to be in charge of the background checks. While trying on dresses, Tamra spots a hickey on Vicki’s breast. That must have been some lunch.
Elsewhere, Shannon is forcing her daughter Adeline to get an organic mattress so her body can repair at night. Adeline thinks she has the choice, but Shannon has already selected the bed and Adeline only thinks she has a say in her life. Then Shannon tells David about Vicki calling her a liar. Perfectly normal conversation to have a mattress store.
Back with double trouble, Tamra asks about Vicki calling out Shannon for lying and recommends she not do that is someone hasn’t lied. Tamra says she doesn’t want to know what Shannon’s secret is, but I don’t believe her. Kelly already knows what it is. According to Kelly, “It’s horrible.” We don’t learn what the lie is, supposedly it’s in reference to her marriage.
Kelly and Michael are hanging out at the beach. Michael is dehydrated from last night’s cocktails, when he told Kelly she’s exactly like his mother. This was a complement apparently. They acknowledge that lately they’ve been arguing a lot and Kelly doesn’t want their daughter to think it’s okay for a man to yell at a woman. (Or the other way around.) Kelly is grateful she grew up in a family, even though it wasn’t happy family. Michael says he will try to be more romantic and initiate special times. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.
Over at Meghan and Jimmy’s, they are trying to cook. Meghan is sad and Jimmy don’t care. And Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Did you know that Meghan has been seeing a psychiatrist since she was diagnosed with depression at the age of 20? It’s hard, y’all, being wealthy, educated, young and beautiful. But Jimmy only wants to focus on cooking and not Meghan’s struggle with not feeling that new pregnancy joy.
Speaking of depressing, Vicki is shooting a commercial for Kill All Cancer. The scene opens – Vicki walks into her kitchen and misses her cue and flubs her lines, again and again. Not a day goes by that Vicki doesn’t think about cancer, she says. And half of us will be diagnosed with cancer in our lifetime. So buy Vicki’s insurance policy. And scene.
Shannon is at her new home rental when Heather stops by with her new, sporty haircut. So far Shannon only has a few mattresses and a few chairs. Heather asks about the candle party though she already heard what went down. Shannon tells her that Vicki called her a liar. Again, we learn that Kelly knows what this lie. Heather explains to Shannon that obviously the she and Vicki have unresolved issues otherwise she wouldn’t give a damn. Shannon says she doesn’t give a damn and vows to prove it at the party.
It’s time for the book launch party. Yay, another self-serving RHOC party. In case you’re interested, the book is called Dr. and Mrs. Guinea Pig – The Only Guide You’ll Ever Need to the Best Anti-Aging Treatments. Gripping title. Meghan is there without Jimmy – he was busy – but then he surprises her by showing up. Vicki has brought her cop friend and Tamra is thrilled because Vicki has gone from a crook to a cop.
Suddenly, Shannon is trying to be buddies with Vicki. It’s weird. By trying to prove she doesn’t give a damn, Shannon acts like she gives a damn. Shannon wants to meet Vickie’s date. What kind of meds has Dr. Moon got her on? Keep it up. Tamra announces that Vicki has a new Maserati and a new boyfriend. It’s been a good week. Heather is confused that Vicki and Shannon are being pleasant and not making a scene, but happy non-the-less. Can’t say the same for Tamra who is really loud.
Meghan explains to Heather that she wants to go to Ireland to research her heritage, but Jimmy too busy. Heather decides it will be their annual Bravo-cation. But will the ladies agree when they can barely stand each other? Yes they do! Can I get a woo-hoo! It’s going to be a whale of a good time.
Kelly and Michael are also at the party, but we don’t see them until now. Apparently, they had a fight earlier at Costco where she ditched him and Michael had to Uber home. So he’s drinking. And dropping his glass. And hugging on women. Kelly apologizes and tells anyone who will listen she can’t take her drunk husband anywhere. This is called irony.
Tune in next week for the trip to beautiful Dublin, Ireland, where Tamra has a near panic attack over something Kelly said.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.