‘RHONJ’ Recap: Teresa Giudice Calls Rosie & Kathy ‘Cancer’ Amid Bitter Family Feud

The Real Housewives of New Jersey begins with Jacqueline and Siggy, breaking bread, and listening to Rosie pine for a relationship with her cousin Teresa. Siggy offers a breathy explanation, sharing that the only way to bring love to the dicey family situation, is to pop the criminal pimple into submission. Jacqueline speaks truth when she comments that Siggy doesn’t really know the family history. All of the past backbiting proves that this family zit is quite a whopper. Bravo flashes us back to the Season four reunion, when the whole family was screaming at and about each other. Rosie is hopeful, because Teresa’s face didn’t reveal sheer hatred the last time they met — probably because at the time, Teresa was hawking her book. Siggy says that she is committed to helping Rosie, because she is so effing special — a solid, though classless promise.

We check in with Melissa and Joe, who are hitting up the Botox-doc — sharing in some self-absorbed couple’s time, in order to put gas into their fake relationship struggle. Mama Pierri — the truth heroine of Season 6 — is transformed into the family scapegoat, and her brilliant one-liner is credited for smashing the family into smithereens. Joe and Melissa are Team Tre 100% — but Melissa gives the enemy Kathy a shout-out, while showing concern for Victoria. Joe gets shot up with Botox, but his talking heads reveal that he should maybe try a little sunscreen.

Over at Jacqueline’s, Ashlee is preparing for an apartment hunting date — with cameras just supposedly along for the ride. Pete walks Ashlee to the waterfront, pops the question, and it’s a sweet moment. A giddy Ashlee giggles happily, and sounds exactly like her mom. Ashlee loves her beautiful ring, and the couple’s future is lookin’ bright. The pair rushes home to share the news with Jacqueline, who is overjoyed and emotional, but hardly surprised. Chris and CJ hear the news next, and Chris toasts to their future. Chris cracks a good one and wishes Pete good luck — because he will surely need it. Ashlee calls Albie to share the joy, then wastes no time posting the news on Instagram. Jacqueline calls Siggy and spills the engagement tea, and Siggy offers to relationship counsel the lovebirds into unconsciousness.

We take a walk with Teresa and Melissa, as they chat about the upcoming celebration, along with Joe’s descent into pre-prison madness. Teresa shares that she blocked her pre-slammer phase out, choosing instead to sink into delusional denial. They are both happy that Joe can dry up in the clink, and have high hopes that Joe can uphold the family legacy, and immigrate to prison without losing it. Teresa hopes that Joe will come out ripped and spicy — YUCK.

A few minutes have passed, so it’s time to discuss another flailing relationship. This time, Siggy is primed and ready to breathe advice all over Melissa. The Vermont trip idea is dropped — a perfect weekend for those restricted by probationary boundaries. Teresa shows up, and is reluctant to go on the trip, because her flabby lush of a husband will soon be behind bars. She finally agrees to attend the sure to be hyper-dramatic getaway.

We check in with Dolores, who is actually shockingly at work at her gym. Jacqueline arrives to support, and Dolores gives her a tour. Jacqueline pep talks her pal, and congratulates her for making it out of her house. Jacqueline dishes to Dolores about the upcoming wedding, as the cameras flash to the bone empty gym parking lot.

Meanwhile, Teresa is joining Siggy and Jacqueline for a glass of wine. We watch Siggy walk the razor’s edge, and plead Rosie’s case. Teresa orders Siggy to back off, and tells Jacqueline the same. Siggy is surprised — shocked by a flash of the real Teresa. Teresa is spitting nails at Mama Pierri for her astute one-liner, and just wants Jacqueline and the cast airhorn to shut up. Siggy can’t manage such a thing, so Teresa rolls her eyes, and makes her exit.

The Wakiles are having the gang over to analyze their family pimple, and  Siggy is struggling to find answers in the face of real family problems. Kathy retells the reunion spectacle, when family barbs were thrown back and forth like grenades. Victoria joins, and it’s nice to see her looking healthy. Siggy is crushed, because she realizes that she is an idiot to suggest that a lunch would actually help these stubborn freaks. Rich exposes Melissa as being a career reality TV gossip, and Melissa shoots him a look that says “remember the storyline.” Rich defends his marriage, and the Gorgas twist his words into a diss against Teresa.

Rosie screeches like a banshee, in a high volume defense of her sister. Rich agrees to back off, and Joe offers to drag Teresa to the Flicker-prescribed lunch. Teresa later meets up with her brother to pump iron, and whine about their annoying family. Joe stirs the pot and gossips like a woman, bashing Richie for throwing in his two cents, during the pimple conference. Joey agrees to tag along, to face the family music, and co-sign his stubborn sister. 

Joey and Teresa drive to the meeting, as Kathy and Rosie wait for the showdown, hoping to cut the dwelling in the past. They want to honor their parents, and Rosie appears profoundly sad about any part she played in feeding the feud. Teresa and Joe arrive, and Kathy shares her pipe dream for family unity.   

Teresa assures her cousins that they will always be family, but she really would appreciate it if they both bug off. Teresa points to Kathy’s hubby, Rich, as a sarcastic buffoon, and Kathy admits that he can indeed cut a felon with his snark. Teresa notes that Kathy and Rosie’s support was MIA while she was behind bars, and that the Bravo spotlight is attracting them like nosy moths. Kathy reminds her that she shut them out before she checked into the big house, and Rosie comments that anyone who knows her knows that she just wants to drink, laugh, and give a bear hug.

Teresa says that she is sick of the family hysteria, and wants to cut two annoying tumors out of her biz. Kathy is offended, and Rosie can’t believe that their family fireworks might be over. Teresa explains that her heart grew dark and hard in prison, so Rosie backs off. Kathy senses a need to lift up the convo, and decides to spin the meeting positively. They all acknowledge that they are still technically related, but that’s about it. They all generously agree that their  doors are always open to each other — as long as no one  ever comes a  knockin’. Teresa tells us that she is done with her family, but  gets emotional every time she thinks about her cold, rock-hard heart. 

The much talked-about Vermont trip is finally upon us — hang onto your ski hats, because the fake drama is about to explode.

 

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