The Real Housewives of New York’s reunion wrapped last night — and the lead storyline of the season was hashed out. Murky yellow love polluted by scandal stood in the spotlight, as the ladies waved goodbye to Season 8.
Sonja’s drinking and brand-stealing habits are first up, as the final reunion episode kicks off. The beatdown from Bethenny and Dorinda’s Berkshire shut-out is reviewed, followed by Sonja’s crowd-pleasing decision to jump on the sobriety wagon. Sonja gives us the rundown of her seasonal boozers, explaining that she always schedules her drinking binges around her vacation time. Sonja’s no alkie, so quitting for reality-cred was no biggie. Andy and the gals gush over her recovery from a booze-fueled financial tailspin, noting how beautifully she wears sobriety. Bethenny admits that she was too harsh on Sonja over the Tipsy Girl debacle, but clarifies that her reaction was actually meek compared to her inner rage. Sonja understood that the boss-lady was peeved, but Dorinda jumps in and blasts Bethenny for being a Skinnybeast — clearly bugged that all of her own ass-kissing didn’t pay off.
Dorinda is annoyed that Sonja blames her for snubbing her into humiliation, but Bethenny is let off the hook for verbally pummeling her into a sobbing pile of pulp. Sonja points out that Ramona almost signed on to steal Bethenny’s precious brand, and Bethenny perks up, like she is smelling blood. Ramona twitches at the disclosure, but dramatically blames her lapse of judgement on being in the “throes of a divorce.” Dorinda and Ramona high-five for elbowing Sonja out of her drunken stupor, but Sonja disagrees, because she had no need to “sort her sh*t out.” Sonja emotionally blames Dorinda rather than the roaring lion of the Berkshires, as Bethenny cracks a badly timed joke, inviting an insensitive giggle from Ramona. Sonja gets teary, and stands for a classic reunion storm-off. Sonja shivers in the shadows with a wad of kleenex, and stutters out demands for her return. They all harmonize about how fabulous Sonja is, until she reluctantly shuffles back.
Florida Or Bust
Bravo flashes back to the fateful trip to Miami — the sun, the luxury yacht, and the engagement party. Luann reveals that her ex-hubby Alex, and her old boyfriend, Jacques are both coming to her upcoming wedding. Sonja admits embarrassment over her snide comments about the inferior yacht and Luann’s murky yellow rock, apologizing to her friend. The term ‘village idiot’ is analyzed, and Bethenny stands by her nasty characterization of dum-dum Dorinda. Bethenny believes that Dorinda plays the hopeful doofus card, and adds that Carole’s unacceptable tardiness proves that her training techniques need some fine-tuning. Luann shares that Carole reacted to Bethenny’s scolding like a whipped dog, proving Bethenny’s point. Jules comments that Carole is a kinder soul minus her master, and that her personality is actually perceivable. Dorinda points to Bethenny’s brow-beating habits, and Andy nervously remarks that both Bethenny and Dorinda seem a bit crabby.
The big kahuna is discussed next, and the events leading to Bethenny dropping the info-grenade are reviewed. The aftermath is replayed, priming the girls for the discussion. Bethenny describes the informant — someone by the name of “this person,” who seems curiously invested in proving Tom a “sham.” Luann clarifies that her ex-husband wanted out of a monogamous marriage, which marked when she considered the marriage over. Carole and Bethenny point bony fingers and crow “legally married” a half dozen times, while Luann rolls her eyes. Andy asks why Bethenny blabbed the gossip to Carole and Ramona first, and Luann nails her for being a sketchy player with an agenda to humiliate her on camera. Luann hammers Bethenny for her manipulative motives, and she gets rattled and serves up the second threat of a walk-off of the episode.
Bethenny frenetically chatters and stammers out her “time-stamped” logic, and claims that she felt badly that she destroyed Luann’s “fairy tale.” Luann points out that Bethenny had been negative all season, and that her CSI shtick was shady. Bethenny denies that she mishandled the situation, despite being a chronic bitch in every other scenario. Luann admits that Tom is a drunk screw-up, and that the experience was heartbreaking and devastating. Luann gives a nod to a necessary disclosure polluted by a bitchy delivery, and Bethenny blasts her back, clearly recovered from her thirty second flash of sensitivity. Dorinda brings up being dragged into the mess., revealing that Tom was caught trying to cover his tracks, before the slobber-fest got blasted all over Bravo. Luann speaks about having to break the news to two sets of parents and Luann’s children, noting that her son, Noel, was furious. Bethenny determines that being tactful is a sucker’s game, and announces her plans to go back to telling them all to eff off. Shocker — not. Luann gets emotional, and says that she wants to know, if Tom is ever drunk and raunchy with a cheap floozy again. Ramona’s eyes dart around like she has a secret, but she is bluffing. Luann loves Tom — especially his sexy wandering lips.
It’s a WRAP!
Bethenny is gifted with a repeat of Luann’s accusation about her being a home-wrecker, and Luann apologizes if her sources were incorrect. Bethenny admits to being a nasty buttinski, but is happy about scoring a forced apology. Final thoughts are shared, and Carole wishes that she neighed to someone other than Bethenny. Ramona feels badly about her big dirty yapper, and Bethenny regrets her entire personality. Dorinda feels badly for hurting Sonja, and wants to rebuild their friendship. Sonja loves that she can communicate with Bethenny without words, just tears, and Ramona considerately admits that she would love to land a set of lips like Tom’s. The girls end with a group hug — Bethenny abstains, supposedly because of her strep throat, or perhaps because she cringes at the idea of wrapping the season with a Skinny-smidge of kindness.
Thanks to all of our fab posters for a GREAT season — see you in Beverly Hills!!