If this episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County were a Shakespearian play it would be called, Much Ado About Nothing. We begin with the newly remarried couple, The Beador’s, as they pack for Cabo. Their kids whine about not being allowed to come along and drink pina coladas. Life is so unfair! Insert frowny face.
We join Meghan as she tells Jim how “sappy” he was at the vow renewal. In theatrical terms this is called “bad acting” because we all know Jim doesn’t can’t emit emotions or act sappy. They both agree Shannon displayed elements of someone who seemed surprised.
Now it’s Vicki’s birthday and she is bound and determined to outdo the Beador’s who didn’t invite her to their party. Vicki has rented out the Merv Griffin Estate. Winner, winner, lobster dinner. This Palm Desert estate is a-maze-ing. Tamra, Kelly, and Briana have no clue who Merv Griffin is, just that he has a bad-ass house.
Heather is not going to Vicki’s party because she’s “busy with the kids” when really she doesn’t want to “be near Kelly.” Tamra asks if Vicki’s new boyfriend will be stopping by. This is called “foreshadowing” and the new guy will enter stage left in an upcoming episode. Tamra thinks the perfect guy for Vicky should already have great teeth and not lie about having cancer. The real surprise is Vicki’s flying in Briana’s husband because it’s her birthday too.
While they cook, Tamra shares the details of Shannon’s birthday/vowel renewal with David. Vicki is happy for them, but feels sorry for David because he’s going to pay for that affair for a long time. What a tragedy, said no one.
Back in the O.C. Terry and Heather are dining out. She updates Terry on the status of his children since he’s never around. Terry confesses the kids are now sending him pictures of empty chairs. He promises that maybe after two or three months he can come home for dinner and/or show up at a sporting event.
Back at the estate, Kelly admits she doesn’t like Heather because Heather thinks she’s better than everyone. And btw, it wasn’t Heather’s place to kick Kelly out, Meghan should have done that. It was rude and classless on Heather’s part. And afterwards, Kelly texted an apology to Heather, ergo, she is the bigger person. Tamra wants the three of them to go to lunch and resolve this so she can insert herself in the drama of others since she doesn’t have a storyline this season. Curses!
Cut back to Heather who needs to talk smack about Kelly. “Oh Terry, listen to thy woes,” she says. Terry doesn’t want to listen, but since he doesn’t wear the pants in the family, just the scrubs, he sits quietly. Heather shares the apology text from Kelly, but get this, finds the emoji with one-eye closed and tongue hanging out insulting. Insert another frowny face! Heather didn’t reply to the apology because she was told by Tamra that Kelly did a spot-on fancy-pants impression of her.
Back in Palm Desert, as they eat, Vicki asks Briana when she’ll get see her husband again. (Wink, wink) Briana explains that Ryan must first get written permission to leave the state of Oklahoma. In an attempt to make Tamra look like an ass, Kelly gives a birthday gift to each of the birthday girls. Tamra says she didn’t know it was Briana’s birthday. Wench, please! You always claim you’re friends with Briana.
Vicki’s son, Michael, arrives and is shocked by the size of the estate his mother has rented for her birthday. Hello, Ryan? Have met your mother? And now for the big surprise – Briana’s husband Ryan walks in and scoops his boys into his arms. It takes Briana a few seconds, but she cries tears of joy, shock and relief. She says that although her mom is a huge pain in the butt, she made this happen. Kelly gets caught up in the tears, too, because family is what matters most, tis the moral of the story.
We catch up with Shannon and David’s home-video in Cabo having a good time. Then we’re shown a flashback of the couple’s last trip to Mexico that was a total disaster. Shannon shares she feels like a newlywed and flashes her deflated breasts.
Back in the desert, Tamra confides to Vicki that Heather is concerned about Kelly and her foul mouth being at Eddie’s Glamis party because kids will also be there. Oh the horror. Vicki shares this with Kelly and tells her not to talk or drink like a sailor. Kelly nearly shoots the messenger and tells Vicky that her daughter will be the most behaved of all. Hark, are these famous last words?
Tamra is in her room on the phone with Heather. She explains that Kelly says her beef was with Shannon, not with Heather so why is Heather angry. Heather clarifies she wasn’t angry at Kelly, just horrified by her horrific behavior that was so horrible. She’s concerned this type of behavior will occur again, so Heather agrees to the luncheon.
Outside with Vicky and her family, Kelly asks Ryan how he’d like it if he was told to leave some place. Ryan says he doesn’t like being told what to do by random people who aren’t Marines. Kelly informs everyone it’s the quiet ones that are the whacked ones, which I’m sure is Kelly’s special way of saying, the meek shall inherit the earth.
Fun is had by all as the ladies have an old-fashioned wet, tag game in the pool with their clothes on. Meghan arrives by herself, even though Jimmy is five minutes away, and even though she doesn’t care for Vicki. Meghan announces she thinks she’s pregnant and shows her baby-bump which is really a flat stomach she’s sticking out. Would a rose by any other name smell as vapid?
More video of the Beador’s are shown in Cabo. Yawn. I’m sure they enjoyed a couples’ colonics or spiritual cleansing of some sort.
Flash forward to the lunch, which is really a dinner because the sun is setting. Heather and Tamra arrive first, then Kelly. Heather explains they were all getting along until the vulgarity commenced at the sushi dinner. Kelly doesn’t understand because she didn’t call Heather a C-U Next Tuesday, she called Shannon one, but for the record, Kelly is ashamed of her behavior. Heather is glad, and resists the urge to say, off with her head, but wants a guarantee this won’t happen again. This makes Kelly upset that Heather is questioning her integrity. Tamra snaps there will be no cursing at Glamis in front of the kids, this is for Eddie and he’s hardly ever around, so get along. They all agree to go and have a good time.
Tune in next week when we learn about Meghan’s pregnancy and see the wreck heard round the O.C.