We begin this week’s episode of Little Women: LA in the midst of Briana video chatting with Elena and Preston from her hospital bed. Briana begins to give them the okay to visit her, then Matt barks, “NO,” from the background. He doesn’t like the “girls” or how they have Briana’s “number.” This is called “control” but Matt is trying to disguise himself as a “caring” guy when he’s really just a “psycho.”
Jasmine and Tonya are working out at a dance studio. Afterwards, Tonya tells her Kerwin is about to move in and so is their daughter, Angelique, who is 18. Tonya assures Jasmine that her man Kerwin is nothing like Briana’s man Matt. Way to set the bar super low. The two women don’t understand why Briana puts up with Matt’s loser ass. Here’s the thing, Jasmine is up in arms about this now, but this is where the girls were last year. They’ve moved on. Tonya warns Jasmine against listening to Christy – then throws shade at Christy and Todd by saying they should be the ones working their asses out.
Elena has called a dinner meeting to discuss the phone call with Briana so she only has to tell the story once. Everyone is there. Elena tells them Briana has a blockage in her intestines, but not to worry, Matt is by her side. Immediately everyone is worried. Christy announces that Briana’s family keeps calling and texting her for information, like she’s not totally encouraging it. And she only “briefly” told Briana’s family about the transgender model Matt’s been sexting. Jasmine gets on her soapbox and tries to rally the troops to protect Briana, but the girls are like, meh.
Later, Christy and her mom are at the pet store checking out dog beds — and Christy lies down in one. She then proclaims her innocence to her mother about contacting Briana’s family, even though Briana asked her not to contact her family. Christy’s mother suggests the reason Briana isn’t responding to Christy’s texts and emails is because she CAN’T. Dun, dun, duunnn. Matt won’t let her. Christy and her mom think it’s disgusting that a man would take pictures of his “weenie” and send it to everyone. Christy bends a plastic carrot to demonstrate what they’d do to their men if they were caught sexting.
Over at Jasmine and Chris’ house, I have to say how much I love their backyard view. Sure it’s of a freeway, and the hills are brown, but it’s still really cool. As they garden, Chris explains it’s his dream to work on the railroad someday (I can’t believe someone has said this past the year 1900.) but he doesn’t want his wife to be the work horse of the family. Jasmine says she doesn’t mind waiting for his dream to choo-choo its way in, so why not be a stay-at-home dad in the meantime. Jasmine drops a hint that she wants a baby and isn’t feeling well. Uh-oh. Another little pregnancy?
Briana is coming home with the aid of a walker and little help from Matt. She’s still pregnant and her baby is kicking so much it could lead to organ failure. In order to remove the mass, the baby and uterus would need to be removed first. Matt tells Briana that if it’s between her and the baby he’s going to save…Briana. Briana tearfully claims death is not an option. Matt piles on the stress and informs Briana that Christy contacted her family and they are talking about having him “whacked.” Briana is done with Christy, she says, yet again.
Over at Terra and Joe’s, they have stupidly decided to wash the cat. All I got to say is, poor kitty. At one point I thought it’s eyes were going to pop out. What are these two doing raising kids?
Kerwin is in the house! Hallelujah. But hold on, Kerwin says for now they are just gonna be roomies. Tonya is like, say what? Oh HELL no! You are her man and you will be in her bed. Tonya tells Kerwin she needs to get some stuff from her ex-boyfriend/business partner, Jaa. Kerwin is like, say what? She knew he was coming for two weeks now. Why didn’t she get this taken care of earlier? “It slipper her mind.” Kerwin tells her to pick up her stuff, then good things will happen. I think we all know what that means.
A very nervous Jasmine shows up at Briana’s house with flowers. Briana has finally reached out to her, but Jasmine knows they won’t be able to really talk with Matt nearby. Briana tells her that Matt has been by her side, wiping her ass and nose, finally being the good husband he was supposed to be all along. It only takes a near-death experience to get Matt to man-up. Briana asks what everyone else is up to and Jasmine tells her the girls are supportive, even Christy. Briana tells Jasmine that Christy has caused major problems and she’s done with her, again.
In the morning, Jasmine brings Chris a plate of frosted donuts with sprinkles. The note says, “Eat up. My mommy doesn’t want to be the only one with a big belly. Love our new baby.” Yep! We have ourselves another pregnant little woman. Everyone is pregnant but Tonya and Christy. Uh-oh. This news is going to devastate Christy. They discuss the potential for bed rest with her high-risk pregnancy and Chris says he will put his railroad dreams off the rails for now.
Kerwin and Tonya are drinking wine in the backyard when Angelique joins them with a pretend microphone made out of paper. It’s time for their first family meeting. Item #1 No having sex in the house while she’s at home. Tonya says, hello no, go get yourself some earplugs, chile. Item #2 Will they get married? Kerwin says if Tonya be good, they will. And Item #3 What is the reason for this sudden move-in? Tonya says Kerwin is the love of her life and this is forever. They proceed to make out and Angelique leaves.
Summer is here, so it’s time for Jasmine and Terra get a spray tan, but not the Donald Trump color, that’s too orange for little people. However, this is just a ploy for Jasmine to announce that she’s pregnant. Jasmine confesses she hopes the railroad calls soon. Terra tells her it’s okay for the woman to be the breadwinner, like she is.
It’s time for the meeting in the park with Briana and Christy. Briana has brought Meathead Matt along. Sigh. Christy waddles up with a gift that’s as big as she is. She hugs a stiff Briana and Matt moves the gift aside like it’s a bag of dirty diapers. Christy asks about the baby and is told, rather coldly that the baby is fine. Then Briana gives her pre-rehearsed speech about not trusting Christy. Christy asks Matt to leave, but before he does, he tells Christy that Briana’s family wants to cut off his body parts (1 guess as to which one) because of the information he gave her and she gave them. Matt is disgusted with her – almost as much as Christy is disgusted with him. He stomps off.
Finally Christy has Briana all to herself, but Briana is not having it. Christy has betrayed her. Christy sees it as Briana’s loving, caring parents needed to know if their daughter was being held captive. Briana is also pissed off that her ex-publicist Julie is now working for Christy. Christy says she had no idea Briana fired her. (Jury is still out on that one.) And by the way, Christy says, if Briana and Matt want to have a “weird ass” open marriage, then it’s not her business. (Yeah, right.) Briana says Matt’s “weirdness” is not the point. It’s Christy’s betrayal that’s the point. Christy is dead now to Briana…again.