OMG! It’s been like forever since we’ve hung out with The Real Housewives of Orange County ladies. We begin the fun with Vicki who is in Oklahoma praising God she never has to return now that Briana is moving back home. Coincidentally, the people of Oklahoma are also praising that Vicki never has to return either. Briana’s struggling with health issues and wants to be closer to her doctors. She has an infection in her leg and they can’t figure out what’s wrong with her lymph nodes. Mother and daughter and the two darling little boys are driving back to the OC. Ryan will follow once the house is sold and his work is completed. But good news! The relationship between Vicki and Ryan has improved – she no longer hates his guts for eloping with her daughter.
Next up is Meghan who is making a video diary for Jimmy who is once again MIA. Meghan is conquering her biggest fear in life: Needles! She’s recording the special moment for Jimmy – like he’s ever going to watch it – and when Meghan lifts her shirt to give herself the shot in the stomach, girl is as skinny as an 8 year old child. And while I believe Meghan’s healthy, while she chants, “Baby, baby, baby, baby,” I’m thinking, “Burger, burger, burger, burger.” Meanwhile, eleven minutes pass and Meghan still cannot give herself the shot. But wait, then she does, and it’s anti-climactic. Moving on.
Over at Shannon’s house, they are in escrow to sell their mansion for the umpteenth time. Will the money from “overseas” find its way into their account? The suspense is not killing me. Shannon hasn’t even picked out a new rent house, if that tells you anything. She asks her daughters what the “parameters” of the new house should be. Quick question, was the one daughter with the heavy make staring in a ballet recital later that day? Just wondering. But, Shannon thinks this move will be a symbolic fresh start for their family, so that’s denial at its best good for them.
On the endless road, things get stinky with Vicki and Briana, and not because of Brooks, for once. Time to go potty by the side of the highway. No worries. Little Troy is a very practical lad and announces he’ll just poop in his pants. But Vicki and Briana tell him to hold it. After the road-side pit stop, Vicki gets snappy because she’s tired of not being able to find out what’s wrong with Briana. Next, it’s Briana’s turn to get grumpy because she too wants to know what’s wrong. She has a swollen leg, a crazy mom, two tired kids, and no end in sight. Virtual hugs for Briana!
Over at Kelly’s place, she is getting ready to go to dinner with the girls when Meghan calls to tell her the shots are making her sick and she can’t go. Kelly feels insecure about not having her security wet-blanket Meghan along, but Kelly’s husband, Michael, points out that Kelly’s not a shy girl and will do just fine.
At the restaurant it’s Kelly, Tamra, Shannon, and Heather. Kelly has a cough so of course Patron will cure that. Heather bores Kelly with talk of her new book written with Terry called, Dr. and Mrs. Guinea Pig covering their adventures in quack-ology like leach therapy and vaginal steaming. As Heather is explaining about the book launch party at her home that’s not ready, Kelly interrupts and announces she too wants to have a party at her house that’s not ready.
Then Tamra drops the bomb to Heather that Kelly and Vicki went to lunch. Shock. Horror. Who cares? Kelly tells Heather that sometimes people get duped and they fall in love with the wrong person. Kelly knows a thing or two about this, so she says. What Kelly doesn’t understand, according to Heather, is that Vicki admitted she lied about Brooks, then retracted her statement, and then compared herself to Jesus. How rude!
Briana and Vicki finally arrive home, but unfortunately Briana has gotten really sick and had to be taken to the hospital. Nana Vicki is taking care of the boys, barely. Her hands are full as she dresses them to visit Mommy in the hospital, telling little Troy to stop drumming.
Over at Cut Fitness, Tamra is with her trainer Mia who was delivered by God. In addition to health and fitness, Mia also gives Tamra bible verses to help her stay out of Ryan’s life. Tamra hates not being in control and this fitness competition is a way for Tamra to control something. Not exactly healthy, but it sure beats the angry-Tamra phase she was in two years ago.
Heather is still designing her house, for the love of Moses! And though she doesn’t eat pizza, Heather wants to spend $7,300 on a pizza oven. Why not? And though Terry can’t grill a steak, Heather wants the $7,000 54” grill because their chef will use it. Why not? And don’t forget the hexagonal ice, it’s jewelry for your glass, for those in the know. Why? Just why?
Briana is home from the hospital, but not feeling well. She is bloated and light-headed and needs the help of her mom – whom she moved back for so Vicki wouldn’t be alone now that Brooks is out of the picture – but Vicki has to work and leaves. Briana doesn’t even bother to ask her mom to stay because she knows she won’t. More virtual hugs for Briana!
It’s time for Kelly and Michael’s bitch beach party. Kelly’s mom arrives in high heels. Meghan arrives with her needle and without her husband. Heather also arrives without her husband. Shannon brings her husband, but David is kept on a very short leash these days. And Tamra brings Eddie along as well. Vicki is the last to arrive and is solo because Briana still isn’t feeling well.
After some volleyball, Tamra sits down next to Vicki for some private girl-talk. Vicki tells Tamra she should have been there for her last year, but wasn’t. Tamra is shocked and explains that she couldn’t keep track of Vicki’s ever-changing story with Brooks and his cancer. When Tamra asks why Vicki just didn’t apologize and admit she screwed up, Vicki says, “Stop, stop, stop,” on a loop, over and over.
Vicki claims she never lied about Brooks having cancer – she truly believed him. Tamra searches for the proper Christian reaction when it comes to dealing with Vicki, but just saying, “I’ll pray for you,” doesn’t occur to her. And when Vicki tells Tamra there was a conspiracy from all of the women to bring Brooks down, goodbye Christian forgiveness, hello OC smack down. Tamra lets Vicki have it and calls her a narcissist.
Meanwhile, the other ladies keep stealing glances over at Vicki and Tamra, wondering what’s going on even though they can hear most of it. Tamra recommends Vicki use this opportunity to talk with the rest of the women. Vicki is ready to talk to them…however it won’t happen until next week. Grr, Bravo!