The second part of the Southern Charm reunion begins with Kathryn Dennis storming off the set when her failed drug test is mentioned. While the rest of the cast is left to sit and wait, Kathryn locks herself in her dressing room and refuses to come out. Her arch nemesis, Landon Clements, says this type of thing happens all the time. Even Andy Cohen is fed up with Kathryn’s antics as he glances at his watch with irritation. And that’s exactly what I wound up doing after an hour of listening to these people debate whether or not Thomas Ravenel and Landon boinked behind Kathryn’s back.
Once Kathryn finally returns, she refuses to answer questions about the failed test, but in the next breath alleges that Thomas wasn’t subjected to the same type as she was— a hair follicle test that will show if the person has been using for the past six months. She says T-Rav got out of it by shaving his body hair. But her story doesn’t add up, considering he’s got neatly trimmed Just For Men Dark Brown covering his big, goofy head. Due to Kathryn’s objections, he took yet another test. And passed again.
The whole court custody battle centers on the fact that while Thomas provides a nanny for his children and gives her $3,100 a month, she doesn’t think it’s enough. Kathryn’s done the math, and she needs more money! Sure, she could go out and get a real job, but she’d rather sell her handmade jewelry online. That shiteous choker she sported was one of her own creations.
At that announcement, Landon hid her face behind her hands and laughed like a snotty fourteen-year-old girl drunk on haterade and secure in her spot at the popular kids’ lunch table. For a woman who was derided for her lack of preparation when she pitched her lifestyle/travel magazine idea, Landon needs to stop with the smirking. It’s not cute. Though she apologizes for her comments accusing Kathryn of using her pregnancy to manipulate people — Thomas in particular — she stands by her comments. So…how is that an apology, exactly?
And the ball is back in Kathryn’s court. Confronted with her lie about not being pregnant at the season one reunion, she says that her relationship with Thomas was in a shaky place. She didn’t know how things would turn out — hinting that she thought about having an abortion. Craig Conover chimes in, saying she didn’t want to declare her pregnancy and then have to explain herself seven months later. He must be practicing his defense techniques for that one day in the misty future when he takes the bar exam.
In one of the more memorable episodes this season, Kathryn brought baby Kensie to a polo match to meet Thomas and lost. Her. Shiz. She now says it’s because Thomas merely flashes that Joker-like grin. Everyone laughs and laughs at his choice in friends. Oh, that lovable, drunken scamp. What will he get up to next?
When Jennifer Snowden comes out to join the cast, she is pregnant and refuses to name the daddy. Jen is facing single motherhood and carrying a baby with health complications. Thomas mentions his own brother who has Down’s syndrome, and commends her for leaving it up to a higher power. During this difficult time, Jen and Kathryn have renewed their friendship. Okay, enough of that. Andy wants to know if Jen and Thomas ever hooked up. Jen neither confirms nor denies. Shep breaks in at this point and asks a simple question: if Kathryn can forgive Jen, why does she have such hatred toward Landon? Duh, Shep. Because Landon constantly posts herself pictured on with Thomas on social media, flaunting their friendship just to piss Kathryn off. Landon reasonably points out that she can post whatever she wants. Andy agrees, and thus it has been decreed!
Back to Jen. At Patricia Altschul’s flamingo party, Thomas lashed out at her, saying she was stirring up trouble between him and Kathryn. Jen wishes the cast would have stood up for her in that moment, but no one came to her defense—not even Counselor Craig. Then she begins to cry for walking the plank all season. Thomas whips out his handkerchief and hands it over. He now regrets getting so heated with Jen.
We finally get to Whitney Sudler-Smith. He’s still with his Austrian girlfriend, Larissa. They didn’t break up, but they did take a break. She was supposed to move to LA and join him in that sterile house of his, but has somehow managed to resist the temptation. Despite Whitney distancing himself from Thomas this season, they’re still friends, and he doesn’t believe that Landon and Thomas slept together—mainly because Thomas can’t keep a secret to save his life. In a gesture of disbelief, Kathryn gives an eye roll and kicks her leg up in the air like a spooked horse. If only she would have whinnied, she’d have nailed it.
We can’t finish the reunion without discussing Thomas’s dinner party. When he insulted Cameran Eubanks, she was terrified. Even watching it now, her heart races, but she admits that Thomas was right—she can be judgmental. Viewers have pointed out that Cameran should stop being so hard on others, considering she showed some bad behavior in her Real World years. And yes, she may have hosted a Girls Gone Wild video, but she didn’t realize what she was getting into. She wound up crying, begging the girls not to take off their clothes. Cameran wasn’t the only target Thomas hit that night.
He accused Landon of being catty, and unlike Cameran, she refuses to own up to it. Looking back, she’s glad Thomas defended Kathryn — but the way she says it, all robotic and tight-lipped, we can tell she’s totally lying. She finally breaks down and admits that when talking to her sister, she did say some rude things about Kathryn, and apologizes. But Kathryn isn’t buying it. And Thomas also called out Shep for being a mama’s boy. Shep points out that both he and T-Rav have benefitted from their family connections. He’s privileged, and he’s not ashamed. Thomas admits his feelings got the better of him that night, that he was raised to treat people better, and he failed his family, who have been here since the 1600s. Just in case you were keeping score.
Once again, talk turns to the Kathryn–Landon hatefest. By this point, I’m disliking them both equally. Kathryn is still angry that Landon said she needed shock treatments and used her kids as pawns against Thomas. In turn, Landon brings up Jekyll Island from last season, where Kathryn screamed at Whitney, then left in the morning when her hairdresser accused Thomas of domestic abuse. Landon claims that is the sole reason Thomas lost his campaign. At this point, Kathryn is literally on the edge of her seat, pointing a finger at Landon, desperately trying to take control of the conversation. Andy quiets them both, refusing to rehash old business.
The problem is, this all feels like old business. Kathryn obviously needs help and isn’t getting it. She’s failed a drug test and is caught up in this drama when there are two kids who need healthy, sound parents to raise them. Sadly, I’m not holding my breath.
What did you think of the reunion? Does anyone win in this Kathryn–Landon–Thomas triangle?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.