The seventh season of Sister Wives is behind us, and as we await details of the Browns’ reality TV future, several whoppers define their Tell-All past.
- The “haters” “came in and messed with our marriage.” Kody flips off the viewers, blaming social media-vocal critics, for infiltrating their cul-de-sac with opinions that supposedly morphed Meri into a needy nugget of catfish bait.
A follow question—“Kody—why do you refuse to take responsibility for the shady legal divorce decision—one which emotionally devastated your first wife? What hidden dynamic really triggered the shift that pushed Meri to troll for love?”
- Meri “didn’t know what was going on,” and refused to cross any scandalous line, although “the feelings [Meri] had were confusing.”
Another question—“Meri—how did you balance begging for attention, mouthing bananas, and photographing soapy legs through such blinding confusion?”
- NO emotional infidelity, NO line crossed—Kody doesn’t “see it in that light,” when asked if he believes that Meri was emotionally unfaithful.
Better questions—“Kody—how can you claim that spiritual marriages are just as valued and sacred as legal ones, when spiritual wives are allowed to express passionate love to randoms on the internet? Why won’t you answer any of the questions with a simple yes or a no?”
- Kody cites up to 30 fake people being involved in an evil, diabolical catfish casanova plot, when asked about how the identity discovery went down. One Fish is described as “they.”
A better question—“Kody—how would you explain your wife currently linking herself with more questionable online characters—whom you now seem to be confusing with Meri’s online lover?”
- Meri had no plan to cross any line, but notes that Fish made her question her ultimate desire, when asked if she wanted out of the five-headed nightmare. Meri claims to have concluded that even though Kody is sort of crappy, she wanted to hang around for the kids.
A better question—“Meri, if you had ruled out crossing into unfaithfulness, why haven’t you cited devotion to Kody and your spiritual marriage, as your reason for staying in the family?”
- Meri claims that “nothing” of the information put out by Fish is true.
A better question—“How do polygamists define ‘nothing?’”
- Meri insists that she had “never met this person.”
Better questions—“Who is your lady friend with the Oklahoma twang? You previously claimed to have met the woman, posing as Sam. Care to clarify?”
- Kody and Meri both insist that they had not listened to the incriminating voicemails or looked at photos, in response to a question asking about the ongoing drama.
Better questions—“You admitted to being forced into doing ‘insane things,’ because you were afraid. Why is there no sign of such fear in the scads of supposedly unseen evidence? What “insane” things did you do?”
- “This person” doesn’t exist, according to Kody. “‘They’ don’t exist outside our minds.”
A better question—“Are you speaking of Fish—or your fans?”
- Meri notes that Mariah remains angry a whole year later, and that she “can’t blame her,” when asked about her daughter’s feelings. Kody maintains that he is not angry, even through steely glares.
Better questions—“Meri—if you are a preyed-upon victim, why isn’t Mariah’s anger more puzzling to you? Why would anyone be bitter and furious with an innocently faithful wife and mother?”
These fishy black fibs just skim the surface, as the Browns try to paddle out from under an online affair that may have shattered their TLC paychecks for good.