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RECAP: #SouthernCharm Reunion Part 1 — Kathryn Flips Out When Her Failed Drug Test Is Revealed

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I'm a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.    

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For the Southern Charm reunion, Bravo stepped it up this season. The Charmed Ones got their own set, decorated to look like a homey front porch in Anytown, South Carolina. But that was the only charming thing about this group. Thomas Ravenel’s family decided his participation in a reality show was worse than his prison sentence. Harsh! The mother of his children, Kathryn Dennis, thought she received the bitch edit, but Shep Rose claimed they were all fairly portrayed—the cameras didn’t lie. And so begins our descent into the third season. The cast did their best to back-pedal and defend themselves, so let’s see how well they fared.

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Shep received Andy Cohen’s attention first. Apparently, Shep’s dive bar, Paradise Hotel, suffered a fire, but it almost back to its tacky norm and will re-open soon. He maintains that Speedos are “instant comedy” and also claimed that he didn’t get drunk every night and pick up girls who only ranked a six on the one to ten scale of hotness. Besides, his eight might be another man’s two. To each his own! However, there was one thing Shep regretted: saying his gal pal Bailey was DTF. He apologized, knowing he came off looking a little dickish for that comment, but he swore he’s not a misogynist.

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Next in the hot seat was Cameran Eubanks. In the world of social media, she fell a few rungs on the ladder by not inviting Kathryn to her dinner party. Cameran was tired of the drama that followed her ever-pregnant co-star. But what really stuck in Craig Conover’s craw was the fact that Cameran refused to meet Kathryn and have a cup of coffee. Where was the harm? Craig thought Cameran had been a wee bit ungracious. Cameran argued that she wasn’t going to fake a friendship with Kathryn for the sake of the show.

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Meanwhile, Craig talked about himself in the third person. This season, we saw a changed man. He and the Charmed Ones all agreed that Craig’s girlfriend, Naomie, should get the credit. And by the way, in the early stages of their relationship, Shep tried to hit that, but Craig put a stop to it. He wouldn’t have been able to pursue Naomie if Shep had gotten there first. He hasn’t changed that much. He updated us on the status of his bar exam. Because he never finished his thesis paper, Craig was ineligible to take it. Maybe next year. Oh, and he also tried to pass off Naomie’s promise ring as an engagement ring. Um, nice try, #OldCraig.

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Landon Clements, with her squeaky baby voice and annoying laugh, claimed that for the first time she put herself out there and really tried to do something with her life. Yes, she’s talking about that awesomely bad travel/lifestyle magazine presentation to money man, Lockheart. But he’s still helping to make her dream a reality, because he’s such a sweet pea. Question: what kind of dirt does she have on this poor man? How else do you explain his compliance? Landon also put her heart on the line by telling Shep she had feelings for him. Shep was flattered, but ultimately, he’s not into her. Sure, when she first turned up in Charleston he wanted to hang out, but she shot him down. Now he’s moved on. Craig thought Shep was insensitive to bring Landon’s friend, Robyn, to the Founder’s ball. But Shep thought Landon should get used to seeing him with other women. Because it’s going to keep happening. A lot.

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Finally, we get to Kathryn. And might I just take a moment to ask why she was dressed as a Victorian courtesan, in a corset, long pleated skirt, and choker? Well, she got the courtesan part right. Anyway, Kathryn did herself no favors with this reunion. She was hyper defensive and as immature as ever. She learned nothing from her past mistakes (as evidenced by baby number two) and still has zero self-awareness. She accused Landon of sleeping around. Um, honey, slut shaming might not be such a great idea when the only men on the stage you haven’t screwed are Andy and Craig. And Craig gave it his best shot back in season one.

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But we did find out why Kathryn was so angry with Landon. That trip Landon took with Thomas to London had originally been intended for Thomas and Kathryn as a Valentine’s Day celebration. Thomas argued that Kathryn demanded a separate room and they weren’t getting along. So natch, he took another woman. But Landon and Thomas were steadfast in their denials. They didn’t hook up. Nothing. Happened. I don’t quite believe them. Why would Thomas pick Landon of all people? And even though Kathryn might have requested a room of her own, you know these two would have gotten soused and wound up sleeping with each other. That’s just a foregone conclusion, no?

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Next, we flashed back to the night that Craig accused Whitney Sudler-Smith of having feelings for Kathryn. Whitney said he flew off the handle because he was jacked up on cherry flavored moonshine. He and Kathryn only had a one night stand. Her clothes were in his room at his mother’s home because she needed to change. But Kathryn remembers it a bit differently. She says he talked about marrying her. That she stayed over for breakfast, and recalls eating granola with Patricia Altschul in attendance. Thomas muttered words to back up Kathryn’s claim. Whitney finally admitted it might have been more than one night—but he’s adamant that it wasn’t a relationship.

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Patricia threw an all men’s dinner to celebrate Thomas’s baby this season. When talk turned to paternity, even Craig got in on the action, claiming Thomas shouldn’t be so trusting. Craig regretted getting involved and felt bad that he badmouthed Kathryn. Andy asked about the third paternity test. Thomas didn’t answer directly. He merely said the child was his.

Landon thought now would be a good opportunity to go in hard on Kathryn, the unstable girl who kept agitatedly kicking her leg high in the air every few seconds and telling everyone to shut up because they didn’t even know her like that. Kathryn was tired of everyone’s judgment. The only thing Thomas paid for was her rent. You remember when he cosigned? Well, he’s now picking up the tab. We all knew that was going to happen, right?

Andy brought up the fact that Cooper compared Kathryn to a young Patricia, implying they both slept their way to a brighter future. Whitney pointed out that by the age of twenty-four, his mother had a graduate degree and a teaching job. Once again, Kathryn got defensive, saying he couldn’t finish college because she got knocked up with Thomas’s super semen. Andy wondered why Patricia has such a hate on for Kathryn. Whitney thought it was because last season at Jekyll Island, Kathryn lashed out at him in a drug fueled rage. She leaned forward on the couch and demanded to know what drugs. Those pills spread all over her room? Those were anti-depressants that she had to take because of people like Whitney being mean to her! It’s always someone else’s fault with this one.

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So where do Thomas and Kathryn stand now. The two have participated in Twitter battles, but Thomas has stopped all that nonsense as of a couple of weeks ago. He won unsupervised joint custody of the kids and hired two nannies. Kathryn withheld his children from him for fourteen weeks. She labeled him an alcoholic. At that, Landon smirked and said Kathryn failed a drug test, so she shouldn’t be pointing fingers. Landon asked Thomas to back her up, but he told her to stay out of it. However, a moment later agreed that he did have proof that Kathryn had failed her test. Kathryn maintained that Thomas would have failed, too, but he cheated. Fed up, Kathryn leaped off the sofa and stormed off the set, mumbling incoherently.

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So what do you think? Did Landon and Thomas hook up? Was Shep out of line for brining Robyn to the Founder’s ball? And do you agree that Cameran changed this season, and maybe not for the better?

 

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