The Sister Wives Tell-All aired last night — in a possible final bow for a show that has been battered by scandal, and reinvented by lies. Five areas of interest, stood out.
The kids segment begins with the Brown offspring split into two groups, divided by age. The older kids banter about present and future engagements. Caleb proves himself annoying and too Kody-like to bear any longer. Maddie declares the family baby-hungry, kinda like a drowning man craving a drink of water. Logan plans to propose soon — an evidently hilarious disclosure. The younger kids take their turn in the spotlight, and no one will be surprised to hear that Robyn’s teen daughter, Aurora, is open to plural marriage. Several of the others shrug their shoulders at the suggestion — innocent youth with clouded scopes on the horror that surrounds them. Dayton emerges as the voice of reason — hoping to see the world before being tied down. YAY Dayton!
Christine believes that neither she nor Mykelti is ready to welcome this Tony character into the bosom of their cult. Christine knew nothing about the seriousness of the relationship and wonders how marriage could possibly supersede a teen growing up. Christine doesn’t know Tony, his family, or their relationship, so she can’t manage one sparkle of excitement about the impending doom of their nuptials.
Meri is re-declared vulnerable, or vacant — they can’t decide which. Kody cites the divorce as opening a catfish-shaped emotional gap in the demoted marriage. Robyn chimes in, calling out the “public” for making the post-divorce landscape difficult. Kody morphs into a dated hipster, labeling social media critics, aka US, “haters.” Kody flips the fans the bird — the first sign that the show might be in it’s swan song hour. WE messed with the Brown marriages — by having opinions about a creepy televised spectacle. Catfish Sam had a motive to cash in on their weakness — triggered by their own numbskull decisions.
Meri blames the divorce for starting a snowball, which buried her in a lovelorn snowbank. Hill asks Meri questions, while TLC cameras zoom in on Kody’s steely glare — half at Mare — and half at a viewing audience filled with fishy motives. Meri describes Sam as a barrel of laughs pal, whom she loved due to her trusting, needy heart. The “I love you” quips were casual, never begging, whining, yearning or lusting. Hill busts her for being a dirty cheater — and Mare notes that such a notion is impossible, due to her intense confusion. Meri swears that her love-boundaries are solid, and that she would never have crossed any soapy-legged line. Kody glares in obvious disbelief, as he states that he did believe that Meri was set to fly the compound. Hill asks Kody if he believes that any emotional infidelity went on, and as he exchanges knowing “HELL YES” glances with Mare, Kody chokes out, “heck, nah.” Kody believes that all that was going down was an evil, diabolical friendship.
Kody gives no credit to emotional anything — because he hears enough emotional yakking from Christine. Meri sputters through responding to when she discovered that He was a She, noting that she trusted Sam for a long darn time. Mare can’t believe that she was so dumb, and Kody throws out his own stupid, rambling about identities, avatars, and conspiracies. One catfish becomes thirty, with Sam multiplying faster than Kody’s spawn. Scratch that — because Kody really has no idea how many diabolical friends are in the picture. Kody may want to check who Mare is following on Twitter, to find out. Robyn notes that Meri cried that she “just wanted out of this,” then reinvents what “this” meant. Mare admits to wanting out — back when she thought that Sam was a bajillionaire hunk. Meri blames Sam for plunging her into darkness, and into a scandalous love for bananas.
Meri spills that Catfish is obsessed with all of the Brown wives — except hyper-ditzy Christine. Kody and Meri admit to unresolved issues — including seething anger. Meri claims that she was “forced into insane things,” like begging Sam for attention, a dozen times a day. Meri says that her love was really fear, and that such terror is pretty humiliating. Meri deflects from answering for the 200 voicemails, texts, and photos, claiming that she had never seen or heard such evidence. She hasn’t heard them, but “understands” that splicing did occur — about 200 times. Meri explains that she left messages bashing Kody, to stop Sam from bashing Kody, all dictated by Lindsay. Kody declares Catfish a figment of their imaginations, and calls it a day. No one cares about setting the record straight—because catfish disappear if you just fling your hair, and pretend she’s not there. The family is too busy to worry about other victims, because their Sister Wives Porn Closet is demanding, and no one trusts anyone anymore. Robyn notes that she was tipped off by a loon, a social media cuckoo who makes Meri look normal. Christine rambles that magazines and nosy teachers are a big pain, and assures us that no one is going anywhere. Meri is happy that Mariah loves the others, even though her daughter currently hates her lying guts.
The once fearless truth-teller has mellowed a bit — because Mariah works hard to keep a happy face. Mariah describes being the daughter of a catfished sucker as weird, and confirms that she knew about Sam from the beginning. Mariah doesn’t buy her mom’s victim act, but caves to Hills’ leading, cosigning to her mom being in a “weird place.” Mariah has no sympathy, is angry, and does not trust her mother. Mariah is still peeved that Meri didn’t listen to her, and has no more use for her banana shopping advice.
Nothing is said about another season, and Kody appears to narrate an ending to their run on reality TV. Erica Hill quips, “Seems like a beautiful place to end.” Did Tony miss the free ride by one season? Stay tuned as we await confirmation.