Tonight’s Southern Charm started with echoes from last week’s fight. We watched again as the Charmed Ones leave Thomas Ravenel’s newly restored home shell-shocked from his verbal attack. Thomas’s laugh sounds off kilter as he stumbles into the living room, where JD, Elizabeth, Danni, and Kathryn Dennis remain.
Kathryn is thrilled that Thomas confronted Landon Clements. She believes Landon is trying to “monkey branch” her way up to the top of Charleston society. Kathryn went so far as to call Landon a “Tarzan Bitch.” Well, that’s a new vocabulary word we can all pack into our verbal arsenal. The next time I get a bad haircut, that Tarzan Bitch is not getting a tip! Nah, I don’t think I can spew it with the same venom as Krazy Kathryn. After everyone except Kathryn leaves, Thomas slurs out a proposition, asking her to spend the night with a leer in his glassy eyes. She naturally agrees.
Over at Landon’s place, Shep Rose, Cameran Eubanks, Craig Conover, and his girlfriend, Naomie convene. Cameran believes this was a planned attack, that Thomas had the Charmed Ones in his crosshairs all along. When Shep accused Landon of fueling the fire, she scrunched up her eyes and declared her innocence. Um, does she not remember screeching that Kathryn was a “white trash loser” in the middle of the street? Because I sure do! But Landon says that Kathryn was the instigator and went all “Monk’s Corner” on her ass. However, Monk’s Corner seems to be a sleepy country town not known for its redneck girl gang activity, so I’m not sure what that means.
The next morning, Craig drops by JD’s office to get something off his chest. Beneath Craig’s slick-haired surface beats the heart of a lawyer. Now, he needs to study for the bar exam. JD is relieved when Craig, not exactly a stellar employee, quits.
Cameran has been in limbo about having kids. Sure, her invisible husband would love to be a dad, but she’s still not convinced it’s a good idea. After completing a homework assignment which consisted of a pro/con list, she understands that Jason might later resent her if she doesn’t give him a child. She’s been letting fear and anxiety control her for too long. Kids just might be in her future after all. Maybe.
Shep is building his dive bar empire one disgusting dump at a time. His newest watering hole, the Commodore, boasts wood paneling and a glittered ceiling. Landon drops by and she and Shep have a heart to heart. He’s been thinking about her declaration of love, and while flattered, he just doesn’t feel the same. However, he didn’t put it quite so succinctly, and she leaves with hope in her heart. Oh, Landon. Honey. This isn’t going to end well.
At Craig’s place, Naomie is getting ready for the Founder’s Ball. She tries on two dress of the lacy persuasion. Craig likes them both. He pours her a beer and tells her they need to talk. Then he circles the conversation like a crow over roadkill, sputtering about making some life changes. She, of course, thinks he’s talking about their relationship. Nope. Craig is simply a sucky communicator, which is a skill he might want to work on if he wants to become a successful attorney. He finally admits he wants to quit his job and focus on the law. Naomie breathes a sigh of relief and promises to stand by her man.
JD and Whitney Sudler-Smith have an intervention for Thomas. Whitney questions Thomas’s lack of southern hospitality by harassing his dinner guests and suggests that Thomas cut down on the booze and try to be a decent father. Keep in mind that they’re having this conversation over cocktails. Anyhoo, Thomas admits that he’s apologized—in text or by phone—to everyone. He wants to repair the damage he’s caused, but gosh dern it, he’s just so tired of everyone slamming the mother of his kids.
Later, Kathryn and the kids visit Thomas, and Kensie gets to check out her new room. Kathryn asks how he likes having the four of them under one roof, like a real family. He’s loving it—for now. He sees the Founder’s Ball as an opportunity to show all their “friends” that they’re a stable couple. All righty.
Over at Patrcia Altschul’s house, Whitney drops by looking for cufflinks and finds his mother resting on her fainting couch sucking oxygen from a machine. Though she’s not attending the ball, she’s playing fairy godmother to Landon, offering up her jewels and furs.
Meanwhile, JD, Shep, and Craig bond at the barbershop over a shave and a trim. Of course, Craig opts for a blowout. That hair isn’t going to pouf itself, now is it? The men talk about Thomas’s disastrous party. Shep has accepted Thomas’s apology, but he didn’t like the way T-Rav went after the women.
Before the ball, Thomas and Kathryn have a conversation. She wants his assurance that he will cut Landon loose as a friend. From her perspective, Landon has tried to put a wedge between them. Thomas agrees and sites Kathryn’s wisdom in such matters, wondering if she’s lived thousands of lifetimes to gain such knowledge about her fellow man. But Thomas has secretly called Landon and left a voice mail message throwing Kathryn under the bus. He apologizes and says that he has to live with the madness every day. The madness being Kathryn.
At Landon’s house, Patrcia’s stylist arrives to transform her from a wash n’ wear girl into a woman who will attract better class of men. Next, Landon heads over to Patrcia’s wearing a black evening gown. She tries on several fur coats and learns how to sit properly in a sable. You see, Patricia knows how to get a man to propose. She has a few tricks up her caftan sleeve, and if Landon would only listen to her, she might snag herself a rich husband, too.
Everyone arrives at the Founder’s Ball looking fab in their evening wear. Except for Patrcia, who would rather watch mud wrestling match than attend. Since Landon is flying solo, she expected Shep to do the same. But he shows up with Landon’s friend, Robyn, on his arm. He made it plain that Landon inhabits his friend zone, and if she doesn’t like it, too bad.
When Thomas and Kathryn land, they swan to the bar and ignore everyone. Once Thomas has a drink in his hand, he greets JD and Whitney, while Kathryn pulls up a chair to sit with the others. Cameran makes exaggerated faces, shocked that Kathryn would dare to sit at her table. But when Landon sidles up to the boys, Kathryn’s eagle eyes are trained. She sees how Thomas greets her nemesis with a cheek kiss and an ass pat. And it. Is. On.
Kathryn ushers Landon out of the ballroom and starts accusing her of propositioning Thomas, then she rightly makes fun of Landon’s baby voice. When Landon acts confused, Kathryn walks away, her sheer red cape swirling behind her like a Disney villainess. When Landon returns to the ballroom she snags Thomas and confronts Kathryn. Landon demands that Thomas tell Kathryn nothing happened between them. He obediently repeats her words as Kathryn stands up, calls Thomas a liar. Landon backs up, saying she’s afraid of Kathryn’s anger. But our ginger and storms out of the room in a very dramatic exit. Except it’s not over.
Shep wrangles Kathryn, while Craig convinces Landon that the two women should talk. The ladies square off. Kathryn wants Landon to be accountable for her actions. Landon maintains her innocence. Standing nose to nose, they call each other crazy. Again, Kathryn huffs away, and Landon says she’s above this. She stares at her WWPAD (What Would Patrcia Altschul Do?) bracelet and calls Craig darling before leaving the ball.
Back inside, Whitney considers this party to be low rent and demeaning. Shep talks about Landon’s refusal to take the high road for the millionth time. Then in the most dramatic moment of the season, Robyn turns to him and wonders if Landon will ever admit that she slept with Thomas. Shep does a double take, and the credits roll.
And so ends our finale. So did Landon really hook up with Thomas? Last week on Watch What Happens Live, she denied it. But after her friend, Robyn, posed the question, I’m wondering if Landon told the truth. What do you think?