Woo-hoo! Who’s ready for some Real Housewives of Orange County! The ladies are back and bringing the drama. We jump right in with Grandma Tamra who is in denial about menopause so she’s training really hard for a fitness competition and so her husband, Eddie, will pay attention to her. Tamra claims ever since her baptism, their sex life has been ah-maze-ing. Meanwhile, they haven’t even been married for three years.
Over at Meghan and Jimmy’s house, Meghan has light brown hair now and Jim’s brown eyes are still dead. They have a new house that’s not one of Jimmy’s old houses with one of his exes. And Jimmy has a new hobby to keep him extra busy from Meghan and that’s being a candle maker. Meghan is trying to have a conversation about their IVF journey, but Jim’s more interested with the bar codes on the candles. We learn that Jimmy had a vasectomy but had the forethought to freeze his sperm even though he didn’t want more children. What vision.
Next we are at Heather’s small house they are still stuck in because their personal hotel is still not completed. Terry comes home because the cameras are rolling and Terry will show up for the cameras. Heather is planning a yacht party and going over the guest list with Terry. Everyone is invited, but Vicky. Not yet. No one has spoken with Vicky since last season’s #cancergate and Heather plans to toast Terry’s abnormal echocardiogram – an abnormal reason to throw a party, but whatever floats their boat – and hopefully Vicky will see this as her chance to get on her knees and apologize to everyone.
We catch up with Vicky who has made a lot of changes. She’s redecorated her kitchen, lost some weight, and cut her hair. Vicki has broken up with Brooks Ayers (yay) but proclaims she still loves him (boo) and hates living alone (aww). She denies being involved in the cancer scam, but would still stand by her man, because that’s what you do. (Hello Shannon, who stood by her man.) There is segment of testimonials from the housewives about how they knew all along that something was rotten in the OC, but Vicky would never admit it.
Over at Shannon and David’s house, they are still together. How about that? Things are back to normal, and by normal I mean, Shannon is back to bossing David and the girls around. Shannon scolds her daughter about receiving texts from boys, questions what kind of dog they might get, and says they are not downsizing because of a lack of money. Their house is too big and they apparently never noticed this during all the time they spent designing and building it.
Meghan’s mom, Julie, is in town to go to her doctor’s appointments because Jimmy is anywhere else. Fun fact: Meghan is a fainter. She fainted when she got her tattoo and is deathly afraid of needles. She avoids fainting this time, but looks dazed after the shot. Then they show the prober probing Meghan who screams, “Oh my God it hurts.” This is not fun for her or us. Perhaps Meghan and Jimmy should look into a surrogate. (Oops too late.)
Heather has been doing nothing since we saw her last but building their mansion all by her little ole self. Today, Fancy-pants is meeting up with Tamra at the garden center to pick out landscaping, wearing a knit dress and high heels, of course. She breaks the news to Tamra that she’s inviting Vicki to the yacht party. Tamra says she hasn’t spoken with Vicki in months, so good luck with that and Shannon’s wrath when she finds out.
Meghan meets up with new girl, Kelly Dodd, at a bar because when Jimmy’s away, Meghan likes to play. They are long-time friends of one year. Kelly is from Scottsdale, not Phoenix, and these two are both women who say what’s on their mind. Kelly can relate to the lonely IVF journey because she went through it too. Meghan invites Kelly to Heather’s yacht party because obviously it’s the best way to introduce her to her new castmates.
Vicky’s daughter is moving back to the OC and clips are shown of Briana listing all the inappropriate crap Brooks pulled during his time with Vicki. Mother and daughter talk by phone and work out the details of Vicki flying to Oklahoma and driving back with Briana and the kids. Vicki then receives a phone call from Heather inviting her to the “love cruise” and to bring a friend. Vicky mentions bringing OG housewife, Jeana. The phone call is quick and easy, unlike how the party will be.
At a med-spa, Shannon and Tamra are getting topical face lifts that hurt like a bitch. Speaking of, can you believe these two are friends? The difference is, according to Shannon, Tamra is brutally honest, to your face and behind your back. Unlike Vicky who was involved in a cancer scam. Shannon will not tolerate lying. (Hello David, did you hear that?) Shannon has no desire to see Vicky at this party and it will be interesting to see if Shannon jumps overboard to avoid her. Fingers crossed.
Over at Kelly’s place, she has a house full of people. Her daughter is named Jolie, as in Angelina, and her mom and brother both live with her because they are Mexican and that’s how they roll. Her words, not mine. Kelly met her husband, Michael, in New York when she was 28 and he was 46. She says their marriage has been very tough, but they are true partners. They discuss Jolie playing tennis, not dance like she wants, because Kelly wants to keep her off the pole. This family loves to pick on each other, but they do it with love and a massive 4-story house on the beach with a bar on every floor!
It’s time for the yacht party! Nothing says whoop it up like a health scare, am I right? This yacht is freaking fabulous and probably cheaper than Heather and Terry’s new mansion. Jeana is at Vicky’s house looking great. Vicki tells her that she plans on apologizing because she doesn’t want conflict. Or everyone hating on her for another season.
On the drive over, David asks Shannon if she thinks Vicki has been nailed to the cross as of yet. Some people who have asked for forgiveness shouldn’t crack jokes. Know what I’m saying? Tamra arrives without Eddie, but he’s coming later. Meghan and Kelly arrive with their men and Kelly is introduced to Shannon and Tamra. Right away Kelly is cracking jokes. She tells Tamra to try and fit her boob into her mouth and rubs Shannon the wrong way with a snarky remark, but that only makes me like Kelly more.
Vicki arrives. Dun, dun, duunnn. Tamra wants an apology for anything from Vicki but doesn’t talk to her, nor does Shannon. Kelly knows Vicki from their mutual Botox shots and they have a fun talk. Shannon warns Meghan that her friend Kelly is talking to the enemy – as far as Shannon’s concerned. At the table Meghan passes along the warning, but Kelly isn’t interested, she’s there to party.
Fancy-pants gets up for her very long toast about Terry and his wake-up call. So basically, Terry needs to scale back one of his shows, but he probably won’t, and as it turns out, it was a false positive, so carry on Terry. Heather says that everyone needs a wake-up call, hint, hint, Vicki, this is your wake-up call. David makes a joke to Shannon about Terry’s news being like a cancer diagnosis, but then finding out you don’t have cancer. Glass houses, David, glass houses.
And of course, Vicki can hear it and doesn’t like it. She thinks Shannon’s treatment is despicable. Vicki gets up from the dinner table and asks Heather if they can have a quickie convo downstairs. Vicki thanks Heather for the invitation and confesses to…going about everything the wrong way last year and asks for Heather’s forgiveness.
And it ends there. Grr! Tune in next week when Heather isn’t so forgiving. And tell us what you think of the first episode.