RECAP: Real Housewives of Dallas Reunion — Brandi’s Hubby Wanted A Divorce; Marie Has A Restraining Order Against LeeAnne

Yeehaw, y’all! It’s time for The Real Housewives of Dallas first ever reunion show. And right off the bat Andy points out all the criticism the ladies have received for not accurately representing the city of Dallas (or the women of Texas). LeeAnne says for representation, look to your local politicians because, honey, they were not voted on to represent anyone.

Andy begins with Stephanie and how she set women back 100 years by doing the chores on the lists her husband, Travis, left for her. Guess what, y’all? They were in therapy the entire time during filming. And like a dog that poops on carpet, Travis was eventually house broken of that bad habit.

Speaking of poop, Andy asks why all the poop humor? Stephanie and Brandi think it’s just a way of life when you have little kids, and a sense of humor like they do that requires lots of Jesus Juice. Unfortunately, Brandi’s kids were kicked out of their private school for her continued mockery of Jesus Juice. For shame, but if there’s anything we’ve learned from RHOD it’s that charity does not begin at home.

Tiffany mentions the skeletons in her porn closet, but just like her acting career, her time in the world of “lots of boobies” on the Cinemax series was brief.

Andy asks LeeAnne which was harder – being a carny or being a housewife. LeeAnne says carny because she had to work for a living. Being a housewife only required her to drink and make an ass out of herself. Mission accomplished! Andy also takes a moment to point out that a wedding with Rich “seems doubtful.”

Next, Andy mentions that viewers got tired of LeeAnne’s constant plugging of her charity work. Stephanie says LeeAnne has an ego and charity should be inclusive, not exclusive, for the people, not the people attending. Cary says she thinks LeeAnne’s in it for the upward mobility and the personal gain. Then some name-dropping begins about LeeAnne’s other best friend’s wedding and Cary and Stephanie were only invited to the reception, so there. Cary and Stephanie tell LeeAnne they don’t care – and neither do we.

So Andy then asks about the ex-fiancé who tried to kill LeeAnne. It’s the typical, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy then wants to kill girl because if boy can’t have girl, no one can have girl. LeeAnne tells of a tragic tale of running for her life, people turning out their lights, his pummeling her face, and a woman stepping into help. Nothing happened to whoever this creep is because he’s supposedly well connected in Austin.

Cary’s husband, Mark is now joining the ladies on the couch. No shock he helped pick out her shoes and outfit. Mark admits to being a metrosexual, and when Andy asks if he cross-dresses, Mark says not yet, but he’s ready to go back to Andy’s place and give it a go. Cary received a lot of criticism about shaming her husband about being fat with man-boobs. She tears up describing how much she loves her husband and it was meant as a joke. Andy brings up the home wrecking rumors started by LeeAnne – who won’t fess up. Andy confronts LeeAnne about a tweet she made after Cary was on WWHL.

LeeAnne tweeted. “At least I didn’t take my man from a well-respected woman.” Andy says, “Isn’t that proof you were telling people that Cary is a homewrecker.” LeeAnne says, “That’s proof that you shouldn’t drink and tweet.” She gives Andy a wonky eye wink. According to LeeAnne and her so-called rumors, Cary and Mark were having an affair, and when Mark wouldn’t leave his wife, Cary married another man. Mark says this isn’t true, but during this time he and Cary became very, very, very good friends. And when Cary’s husband walked out after three months, Mark was there to pick up the pieces as any very, very, very good friend would.

A heated exchanged takes place between LeeAnne and Cary about a tit-for-tat exchange of back and forth rumors of not-born-into-society vs. being-a-homewrecker and who said what to whom. Mark jumps in and asks why LeeAnne spread these rumors WHY? LeeAnne asks Mark if he’s okay and needs a tampon. Cary tearfully tells LeeAnne that she’s hurting other people.

LeeAnne says, “I don’t want to hurt anybody. That’s not really what I do.” Andy asks the obvious, “What do you do?” LeeAnne says, “Charity.” Andy responds, “Is spreading trash about her marriage, charity?” LeeAnne says, “You know what, I went on camera and repeated information that I had been told.”

Andy asks the million dollar question of, why the eff do you care, LeeAnne. LeeAnne claims she doesn’t care, but actions speak louder than words. And then we enter the Twilight Zone because Cary starts complimenting LeeAnne about being a carny person. Then Cary can’t take it anymore and gets up and walks off because she can’t listen to the BS anymore. Tiffany says she tried to tell LeeAnne that she was getting the blame concerning the affair rumors (seriously who cares already!) but Tiffany is still her lap dog standing by LeeAnne. Brandi found it all repulsive. The girl who likes to talk about poop and farts has her limit.

So, remember the tacky comment Heidi made about Cary demonstrating how to deep-throat a corndog and the tacky Goth, carny, Frito-pie party? It was a set-up, according to Cary and Stephanie and I don’t think there’s a viewer that doesn’t agree with this. LeeAnne gives a sorry- sorry to Cary, then asks if she can give a weird and awkward hug while simultaneously insulting Stephanie.

Onto Tiffany and Keith Suburban – they’ve tried other haircuts but the one that looks best on him is the Keith Urban.

Now onto Brandi and how her marriage suffered big Texas time from being on the show. You know the dinner he walked out on? Turns out, Bryan asked Brandi for a divorce that night. He was a little pissed off about her breaking the “no strip clubs” agreement. Brandi says she was not aware of how bad her marriage was prior to filming, but was thankful for her friend, Stephanie, who provided unlimited Jesus Juice fellowship. And after being forced to watch the show, Bryan is now a better husband, traveling less, and the two have renewed their vows.

Bring on Marie Reyes. Tiffany can be heard calling her a “F**king a**hole” and doesn’t want to sit by her. More clips are shown of LeeAnne being all Judy-Attitudey with everyone. Stephanie says that instead of LeeAnne coming on the show to shine, she spent her time and energy discrediting everyone. Tiffany explains the clip of pushing LeeAnne on the street was because she exploded after months of months of having to constantly defend LeeAnne. Then LeeAnne gives the most honest statement of the entire season, “It’s easier to be a bitch then to be soft.”

After all that we learn Marie and LeeAnne aren’t friends anymore. Marie is still denying she told Taylor the poop in the bag story. She has since filed a restraining order and hired a public relation’s firm to destroy LeeAnne via social media, but hopes they can one day come to an understanding. A psycho says what? For the record, LeeAnne didn’t poop in a bag, she pooped in a basket. Makes all the difference, don’t you think?

So where are they now compared to then? Stephanie has found her voice and she and Travis are closer than ever. Tiffany is all about growth through Christian counseling. Cary understands that people think she and Mark are weird. LeeAnne is still in anger management and when she gets hurt, it brings it all back up. And for Brandi the show was a healing process with her Grandfather, brother, and husband.

Goodbye from Texas, y’all!

 

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