RECAP: Real Housewives of New York — Are We Inviting Luann To Mexico? [Season 8, Episode 11]

The Real Housewives of New York begins in Sonja’s townhouse, where Sonja and an intern are managing her social media demands. Luann drags Sonja into the kitchen, and asks her how she plans to manage Bethenny, in order to keep this reality gig going. Luann pushes Sonja to make the first move towards a Skinny-treaty, but Sonja wonders why, considering Bethenny skitters away like a mouse on meth, every time she enters a room. Preserving a supposed “friendship” is really code for “a job with Bravo,” as Luann tries to convince Sonja to reconsider linking herself to the Tipsy brand. Sonja thinks that the whole beef is silly, because Bethenny sells to bony boozers, and she attracts chunky lushes.

Sonja pegs Bethenny’s not-so-skinny ego as insulted, and says that she still feels hurt by the Dorinda snub. Sonja has quit the booze, to stay in good standing with this wet blanket of a cast. Luann spills that she is moving out of the brothel, excitedly sharing that she has met her soulmate, and will probably be getting married. Sonja appears perplexed, and shares with viewers that she has been boinking Lu’s future hubby on the reg. Luann giggles that Sonja is just one of Tom’s tipsy floozies. Sonja tries to catch a buzz on her non-alcoholic water, as she laments how to fill the Tom-hole in her schedule. Luann is giddy, and Sonja kindly congratulates her friend.

The ladies, minus Luann and Sonja, gather for dinner to listen to Jules complain about her deadbeat mini-husband. Bethenny wants to hawk a new Skinny-flavor which requires a quasi-business trip, south of the border. She announces a group trip to Mexico to swill tequila, and Ramona asks her  boss if Luann will be allowed a ticket. Bethenny isn’t sure, but her faithful steed, Carole, chimes in with a “neigh.” Carole cites Luann never being a good friend to Ramona, plus the fact that Lu’s whorish trolling is getting old.

Ramona thinks that Carole needs to get over it, and grow Season 8 storyline. Carole obnoxiously says that she won’t go if Luann is going, and Bethenny announces that she won’t attend without her favorite filly. Maybe Bethenny should snap her fingers, and cancel the reservations. Bethenny claims a disconnection from Sonja, along with a solemn code of  alcohol ingesting conduct. She may want to share her stringent standards with the perpetually slurring Dorinda. The group puts Sonja’s participation to a vote in a tacky display, which pleases Bethenny. They vote no—for Sonja’s own good, natch.

We jump to the Bethenny’s place, where Carole is clopping at the door for a visit. The girlfriends flop on Bethenny’s bed, and chat about their Bahamian vacation with Beth’s married boyfriend, and Carole’s grimy partner. Bethenny gushes over her new dreamy guy, who would marry her tomorrow, if he wasn’t married already. Carole thinks that such a sentiment is scary, especially because Adam doesn’t really want an old nag like her. Carole doesn’t care, because she is more than ready to glide out of the love-affair, and bury herself under foster cats. Adam can get lost, because Carole’s heart belongs to Vinny the Cat—whom she couldn’t commit to either. Vinny found another, and Carole wants her whole life to be temporary, making a fame-whoring vegan an ideal fit. Bethenny notes that she would indeed marry again, if she actually finds herself single, and with an unmarried candidate.   

Sonja meets Dorinda for manicures, and is happy to be let out of isolation, to reconnect with one of the women. Sonja comments that Ramona is behaving like a backbiting flip-flopper. Dorinda corrects her, noting that Ramona is solidly on the side of Bethenny—because “it’s best for her.” They agree that Singer is the worst, and Dorinda drops the bomb that the “B” may be freezing her out of the cast trip, along with Good-Time Lu. Sonja shares that she is quitting the booze, and Dorinda believes that the decision is a wise one—for Sonja. Dorinda pushes Sonja to can Tipsy and kiss Skinny, and Sonja reminds her of her business contract. Sonja hits a bullseye, when she wonders how she can call anyone who expects her to give up her business, a friend. Dorinda reiterates that shutting her friend out of the Berkshires was a stroke of genius on her part—except that the weekend was a complete disaster.

We then sit though a herb-throwing cookbook commercial, and get a looksie at Adam’s apartment. Carole gifts her plant lovin’ man with a terrarium, and the couple putters with a blender cake, and their book o’ grubby radish  love. Carole cuddles Baby, while Adam, aka, Papa, strums a guitar to his senior lover’s lookalike pup. Carole listens patiently, but would rather eat cake.

 

Bravo is feeling mighty generous—because Ramona is allowed her own commercial shout-out next. Ramona’s sex-kitten hair extensions score the spotlight, as Luann lends her support, sitting with Avery while Dylan, the hair-chunk expert, sews stragglers to her scalp. Luann tells Ramona that she believes that things are ok with Bethenny, clueless to the fact that she has been shut out of the Mexico trip. Luann shares that her love story from the heavens was foretold, and Ramona cringes through a forced smile. Luann is a happy lady, which doesn’t set well with crazy-eyed Ramona.

She repeats hurtful gossip about Tom, claiming he is still wooing an ex. Luann doesn’t believe it, and notes the nastiness of the bubble-bursting timing. Avery agrees. Luann snarkily asks if the ex was Carole..which would be the fourth Bravo-leb to be pulled into Tom’s macho roster of lovelies.

We join Dorinda and John, who are meeting up with Jules and Michael for dinner.  We get clues that Michael has an eye out for a new hottie, and that nannies and coat check girls are his types. Jules is pissed at her hubby for disregarding their plans—and the exposed vibe is clear, and pathetic. Jules notes that Michael is a lazy father, and crappy husband—perhaps someone should tell his mistress. Jules is stressed and losing her hair, while  Micheal takes phony tall selfies, while shrinking shorter by the minute. Dorinda drones on and on, rambling drunken blather, as Jules rolls her eyes, and considers Ramona’s hooker extensions.   

We jump to Luann, who welcomes Bethenny, who is arriving late for a wine date. Bethenny shares that she is bleeding profusely, probably leakage from her cold dark heart. Luann gushes out the news of Tom the soulmate, informing us that marrying quickly is the way she operates. Luann relays the story about Ramona raining on her love parade, and subtly digs at Bethenny’s friendless existence. The duo banters about Ramona’s casual dating relationship with Tom, and Bethenny believes that Luann’s standards are so low, that Tom could even be married to a 30 year-long friend, and get away with it. Luann chatters with so little concern to what Bethenny says or thinks, that Bethenny’s chubby ego decides that she can’t take Luann disregarding her skinny-ass out of the country. Luann owns Bethenny, and plays the game beautifully, affirming her superior’s concerns with her tongue firmly implanted in her cheek. She grabs an opening and accepts a non-existent invitation, and it’s excellent. On a side note, Luann’s dazzling white pantsuit more than makes up for the red lace unitard debacle of 2015.

Invite-gate gets bloody next week—don’t miss it! 

 

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