This is it, Southern Charmers, the episode we’ve all been waiting for—otherwise known as Thomas Ravenel’s whack dinner party. Before we jump into that, we meet up with Craig Conover as he stops by Kathryn Dennis’s place to see the baby Julien.
Kathryn talks about how easy it is to care for two babies. Well, easy if you have two nannies, that is. Craig states that the baby may have Thomas’s nose. But honestly, who cares if the baby is really from Thomas’s seed or not. Craig chooses to give Kathryn the benefit of the doubt regarding paternity. She tells Craig she’s not trying to control her man anymore and feels like she and Thomas actually have a shot at happiness. Craig tries to keep a straight face. He’s not the smartest guy who never took a bar exam, but even he can see this relationship is doomed.
JD and Thomas get together for a drink. Thomas thinks his dinner at Patricia Altschul’s was nothing but an interrogation about paternity tests. JD believes Thomas is such a gentleman that he’ll claim Kathryn’s baby as his own, even if Thomas knows he didn’t father little Julien. But Thomas just wants peace and acceptance from all his castmate—er, friends. So he decides to hold an ill-fated dinner party. Dum dum dummmmm.
Over at Landon Clements’ house, her sister Bam arrives bearing coconut soup. Landon bemoans the fact that though she’s the oldest, she’s behind her sisters in the game of life. Her presentation for the travel website was a disaster, and Shep Rosedidn’t return her declarations of lurve. Life used to be so easy when Daddy footed the bills. Bam is all, “Get a job, slacker.” I nearly applauded Bam, despite her name. As far as Shep is concerned, Bam thinks Landon should liquor him up and jump on his joystick. Landon doesn’t want casual sex. She wants forever.
Meanwhile, Cameran Eubanks meets up with Shep and gets the lowdown on the Landon sitch. He was speechless when Landon declared her love. Cameran calls him emotionally stunted, and she’s not wrong. Shep isn’t sure what he feels for Landon. Cameran thinks he should give it a go.
Back over at Kathryn’s, Thomas drops by on a rainy night. Little Kensie shows off her new room as Kathryn feeds the baby. After handing the kids off to Night Nanny Deirdre, Thomas notes that he and Kathryn don’t share a traditional marriage. Um, dude. You’re not in an untraditional marriage, and that’s probably a good thing. Anyway, he goes over his list for the dinner party, noting that Whitney Sudler-Smith and his mommy dearest aren’t invited. Landon, the object of Kathryn’s unreasonable hatred, made the cut. Kathryn tries to talk Thomas out of inviting Baby Voice, but he insists. Then she says she won’t come to the party if Landon gets an invite. Thomas gets angry and tries to leave, but Kathryn bars the door with her body. So he climbs out the window and stands on the roof. Kathryn backtracks and begs him to come inside. Once he’s safely in the house, she promises to support his decision. Did she mention something about not trying to control Thomas anymore? Hmm.
When Cameran swings by Craig’s house, they talk about her new diamond ring and her aversion to babies. Her invisible husband, Jason, is almost forty-one, after all. But he knew of her ambivalence to kids before they got married. Another thing Cameran is on the fence about is T-Rav’s paty. Should she go? It’s bound to be another shit show. Ultimately, Cameran decides to accept.
Kathryn asks Cooper for help in choosing a dress for the big night. While they’re shopping, she gets a call from Jen, friend of the Charmed Ones. Jen wants to see Julien, but heeding Thomas’s directive, Kathryn baby blocks Jen, ready to ice her out if it will make Thomas happy. Cooper approves of the decision and finds a dress that magically turns Kathryn into a Patricia clone. Even Cooper isn’t sure the black gown and bejeweled neckline is a good choice.
Speaking of Patricia, Landon arrives at Chez Chintz for a martini and a heart to heart. Patricia takes the younger woman under her wing and gives her some advice. Landon might still gun shy after her divorce, but she needs to snap out of it, change her image, and sex it up, even though Landon’s not comfortable with her sexy side. And hey, if things with Shep don’t work out, maybe Landon can land Thomas. Older men in need of reforming can be hot. Unfortunately for Landon, raging alcoholics with baby mama drama aren’t.
When Shep has lunch with his mom on the pier, they talk about his love life. She points out that romance with a best friend can be a good thing. But Shep just isn’t feeling that way toward Landon, even though she’d fit right in with his family trips to Palm Springs and dinner at the yacht club. He thinks his standards are simply too high. Yeah, that’s your problem, Shep. High standards.
Now on to party night! Thomas reminds us that his real reason for having this soiree is to show off his new remodel. The second reason is to prove that Kathryn isn’t a raving lunatic. Some of the group show up and Landon straggles in as Thomas is conducting a tour of the house. He greets her with a kiss and hug. Kathryn ignores her. Cooper tells Kathryn to act like the hostess and greet Landon with civility. He has met Kathryn, right? In the living room, Thomas offers Landon a cigarette, saying he’s going old school by smoking in the house while Kathryn mosies outside to light up. Landon points out that smoke isn’t good for children, but Thomas reminds her they aren’t yet in residence, so it’s all good.
Cameran, Craig, and Naomie finally arrive and everyone takes their place in the dining room. Thomas refuses to let anyone eat until he’s dispensed some words of wisdom. Things devolve from there. He starts by telling Kathryn how proud he is. When Shep tries to lighten the mood by making a joke, Thomas demands silence. Next, he claims Cameran she’s just like his sisters: self-righteous, judgmental, and sanctimonious. Cameran takes umbrage, and Craig complains, because those words are long and complicated. He may have gone to law school, but that doesn’t mean he carries around a dictionary.
Soon, T-Rav compares Landon to a rusty rock that, with a little polish, might turn out to be a diamond. Shep should give her a chance. Oh, and by the way, Landon has been catty toward Kathryn. That’s when all hell breaks loose. Shep points out that the animosity between the two women isn’t Landon’s fault. The blame lies solely with Thomas. Thomas retaliates, calling Shep a pussy and asks how much money Shep gets from his mama, referring to his trust fund status. Thomas is a self-made man, there’s no comparison. Shep says Thomas is less than. Shep is greater than. Them’s fightin’ words. Thomas jumps from the table and asks Shep if he’d like to take their argument outside.
Cooper physically holds onto Thomas in an effort to stop the madness. Everyone leaves the room. Thomas yells for them to get the hell out. He calls Cameran a bitch as he shreds her place card. Cooper tries to remind Thomas that he’s a Ravenel. Have some dignity already, but it falls on deaf ears.
Half the party go out to the porch and the other half congregate in the living room. Landon tells Thomas she tried to be a good friend, but she’s done. Kathryn thinks Landon should stop attacking Thomas. Landon calls Kathryn a bitch, and storms out.
On the street, Shep, Cameran, Landon, Craig and Naomie climb into a getaway golf cart. Thomas locks the gate and tells them not to come back while Landon screams that Kathryn is a white trash loser. Shep thinks Thomas should stop inviting them to dinner parties. Thomas sees red. He throws open the gate and marches up to Shep. By this time, Cooper is begging him to get off the street and takes a handful of T-Rav’s suit, physically dragging him back to the mansion.
Whew! What a night. If these people were smart, the next time Thomas throws a dinner party, they’ll eat beforehand.
So, do Thomas and Kathryn deserve each other? Will everyone forgive Thomas as they have in the past? And why is JD always making excuses for his best friend’s bad behavior?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.