RECAP: Real Housewives of New York — Bethenny Slut Shames Luann In The Berkshires [Season 8, Episode 10]

We begin this episode right where we left off, with Luann defending herself against Bethenny’s frantically wagging finger. Bethenny blasts Luann’s dishonesty, and past attitudes towards Carole, along with other random behavior that has nothing to do with her. Carole narrates under her breath and poetically chomps carrots in the background. Dorinda gets bored, and goes to look for a fun game to break up the torture. Dorinda and Jules kick off a round of Twister, as Luann apologizes for the umpteenth time, for dissing Carole’s icky romance with the grubby herb thrower. Carole offers no reciprocal apology for her part in last season’s social media bloodbath. Bethenny drones on about women feeling threatened by Luann’s womanly wiles, especially Ramona. Luann disagrees, and denies any hookerish  commentary coming from her tanked roomie. We jump to the Tipsy Girl herself, who is left behind, and preparing a care package for her daughter. Her interns keep her entertained, and due to the incessant cast nagging, she announces that she is swearing off being constantly tipsy. Back at Dorinda’s, Luann notes that Ramona is just jealous that she snagged dreamy Tom, who is shaping up to be the catch of the century. Bethenny unleashes, with Carole providing off-key, backup whinnies, blasting Luann for being a systematic, man-stealing whore.

Luann keeps her cool, and wonders what stick is up the butts of Skinny and Horsey. The pair discourages her from helping Sonja, citing pathetic mentoring skills. Luann insists that she is a true friend to Sonja, and that she is worried about her. Dorinda finally gets the memo that one of her guests is being bullied into a puddle, and feels kinda bad. Luann brings up Bethenny’s beatdown on Sonja, and Bethenny disallows commentary about things that the Countess did not witness. Are we to assume that Bethenny has witnessed all of her accusations against Luann? Bethenny finally half-heartedly apologizes for being a raging, hypocritical, heartless bitch. Dorinda breaks out the lasagna, which saves the day. Carole and Bethenny chew in unison, resisting morphing into teenage brats who just want to diss Dorinda’s furniture.

A female Santa Claus makes an appearance, and gives out gallon sized, personalized wine glasses. The Countess is touched that her’s doesn’t say Dirty Whore, and Carole informs us that she doesn’t want to be around Luann anymore—as if anyone cares. Luann apologizes for her part of the ruckus at Dorinda’s home, and Bethenny comments that she has beaten herself up, about being a horrible shrew. But Bethenny can’t resist round three, and claims that no woman should tiptoe into daylight with their man, whenever Luann is within eyeshot. Bethenny calls in backup, and asks Ramona her thoughts about the man-eating slut across the table. Ramona accuses Luann of being a pushy floozy, and Luann rolls her eyes, reminding us of Ramona’s desperate, televised come-ons. Luann admits to being a flirt, but declares that she has never taken or stolen a man from anyone. Bethenny certainly cannot say the same. Bethenny chokes out a fake apology, and goes to bed. Luann and Dorinda debrief, and agree that it was a good thing for Sonja to miss the crapstorm.

It’s a new day, and Bethenny and Carole are in bed, chatting about how horribly Bethenny treated Luann. Bethenny adds a bonus jab, accusing Luann of plagiarizing her book. The duo then grabs their bags and makes a dash to leave, then reluctantly returns to say goodbye. They exchange fake hugs, and Bethenny chooses to make her escape in pajamas. Dorinda lets Bethenny off the hook for wrecking her party, then complains that she is unappreciative.

We slow it way down, and join Jules and Michael in their morning routine, as Jules whines about not having a nanny. All Jules does is cook, but somehow she has not run into the need to identify a whisk. Michael is no help because he is lame, and not a hands-on father. 

We jump to Bethenny’s, where she is entertaining her carrot-loving backup dancer. Carole has obviously been watching the Beverly Hills franchise, and has absorbed Eileen Davidson’s apology anxiety. She proclaims Luann’s apology text an unsatisfactory 4 out of 10. Ramona is having a party that night, and Bethenny is worried about keeping her nasty yapper under control.

We jump to Ramona at the venue, wearing a QVC Zsa Zsa Gabore ensemble, tying to pick up the chef. Luann arrives on cue, just in time to have a go at him. Luann is wearing a vampy jumpsuit from her collection, perfect for luring any man away from his date. Bethenny and Carole arrive, wearing the themed Skinnygirl red and black. Luann tries to make nice, and is greeted by two icy mannequins, in weird outfits. Luann pulls a Vanderpump, and apologizes again—an effort which Carole scores a slightly higher 6 out of 10. Bethenny demands that Luann recite word for word that she had nothing to do with her stupid brand, and Luann willingly complies.

Sonja arrives, and lets us know that she received texts during the Berkshires weekend, warning her to drop Tipsy Girl, or be free forever of a hateful witch of a friend. Bethenny is leaving early, strangely noting feeling “beaten down.” Bethenny and Ramona snark about Tom, evidently shocked that he would want anyone who would wear such a controversial unitard. Ramona pushes Sonja to talk to the dodging and weaving Bethenny, and Sonja rolls her eyes, noting that Bethenny said she wanted nothing to do with her. Ramona calls Sonja hard-headed for not seeking peace from the woman who pounded her into pulp, and is now avoiding her like a cheeseburger. Dorinda approaches Sonja, knowing that she is likely peeved about being excluded. Dorinda assures her that her instincts were correct, and that she protected her from Hurricane Skinnygirl.

Ramona blasts Sonja for going “textis” crazy during the weekend, and Sonja clarifies that she simply texted Bethenny about their broken friendship, and Dorinda about being a rude hostess. Sonja rejected their bossy advice, because Bethenny showed no interest. Dorinda claims that certain other guests wouldn’t have attended the party if Sonja had been there, which doesn’t go over well. Sonja busts Dorinda for valuing others over her, also noting that she would never make such a ridiculous demand. Dorinda assures her that she would love to spend time with her, just never in groups. Dorinda keeps pushing that she was caring for Sonja by shutting her out, but Sonja knows that’s a crock, and storms out. Luann tries to talk to her about communicating with Bethenny—for what reason, I do not know. Sonja reiterates that Bethenny left, and angrily makes her exit. 

Tom continues to be the man of the hour next week, and another trip is in the works. Lord help us all.

 

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