RECAP: Southern Charm — Craig’s Laziness Affects His Job With JD [Season 3, Episode 9]

As a new day dawns on Southern Charm, Kathryn Dennis and her pal, Cooper get a little pampering at the spa. Kathryn is so pregnant she’s about to pop her thermometer like a turkey on Thanksgiving Day. Cooper, unwilling to sacrifice his sense of fashion, wears his shirt and bow tie under his plush robe. Kathryn expresses her nervousness about spitting out another baby. She points out that she’s only twenty-four and is a back-to-back single mother. Changing diapers for two is going to be hard, y’all! Um, perhaps she should have thought about that before allowing T-Rav’s sperm near her uterus. Just a thought for next time.

Cooper takes a moment to give our girl a reality check. Thomas is a fifty-four-year-old man who will never marry her. Kathryn’s kids are T-Rav’s last grasp at immortality. She just happened to be fertile and convenient. Kathryn, however, thinks Thomas is doing the best he can under the circumstances. He has spent his entire life child-free. Expecting him to stop sexing strangers, stay sober, and become a committed family man is simply too much to ask. He’s only human, damn it!

Over at Chez Ravenel, Thomas and JD ride polo ponies. Afterward, while sipping glasses of hooch, JD worries Thomas may not be the father of Kathryn’s baby. Sure, she says she’s being induced early, but he implies that she may be lying about her due date. After all, she was “dating” other men before she and Thomas reconnected. But Thomas has done his ancestral duty and fulfilled the Ravenel directive of reproducing. So, slow your roll, JD. He’s claiming that kid as his own. Got it?

Craig Conover has been hard at work, toiling the urban soil of corporate drudgery at JD’s company, Gentry Hospitality. He’s still upset that he didn’t get to take over the bourbon division, but at least he now has an office with a door. So #NewCraig is moving up. And he’s ready for his boys’ weekend in LA with Shep Rose and Whitney Sudler-Smith. Craig is willing to put aside his principals regarding Whitney’s shabby treatment of Kathryn if he can spend a couple of days partying with his bro dudes. Naomie expresses her concern. Isn’t the bourbon launch only days away? Doesn’t Craig have work to do? Shouldn’t he stick close to home and take care of last minute details? Craig tells his lady love to take a seat. He does not give two shits about the bourbon business because he feels like JD’s flunkie rather than a valued partner. This is not what he signed up for, people!

Meanwhile, Landon Clements and Cameran Eubanks need an excuse to socialize so they meet up at the make-your-own-candle store. Because nothing says “I did it myself” like a generic vanilla votive. Landon has been flitting around Charleston, taking pictures for her new travel-centric website. But sadly, her dating life is suffering. Where, oh where can she find a man who likes to travel and is on her level? (What level? Eighth grade?) Basically, she’d love to find a man like her buddy, Shep. They share a friendship she lacked in her marriage. But since Shep will nail anything with estrogen, she’s held off crossing the line. Cameran urges Landon to snag her man. Shep is just ripe for the picking.

When the boys finally arrive in LA, Whitney will hardly make eye contact with Craig. But once he apologizes, asking Whitney’s forgiveness, everything is cool. Whitney doesn’t understand why Craig even cares about stupid Kathryn and her stupid life, anyway. This #NewCraig isn’t as much fun as the work-shy #OldCraig. Oh, Whitney, if you only knew.

Once Whitney’s Austrian girlfriend, Larissa, awakens from her jet-lagged nap, they head over to a swinging LA party. Upon entering, Shep notices his two favorite things: bottles and models. He looks like a goob with his baseball hat and conservative blue blazer. The women are plentiful and Shep has a hard time making a choice. But the ladies aren’t bowled over by his southern manners and Chiclet teeth. He goes home empty-handed.

The next morning, JD calls Craig’s phone until the voicemail is full. Then he resorts to calling Shep. It seems Craig has left some of his work undone, and since the bourbon launch is right around the corner, JD needs answers now. But Craig is beyond caring. He’s tired of doing grunt work, and he doesn’t want to spend his holiday getting hounded by his boss. He’d rather get a massage.

Back on the east coast, Kathryn and Thomas have coffee. She’s super stressed about going into labor and having two young lives to care for. Thomas is worried about his decorator. There are style choices to be made. Of course he wants to be there for the mother of his children, but…paint samples.

On the day of the Charleston Cup, rain and responsibility shower JD. He’s schlepping cases of bourbon as he gets ready for the big launch day because Craig has decided to sleep in. After much coaxing from Naomie, Craig finally gets ready and hops in the van with Landon, Danni, and Jen. (Craig saw his future in Jen, who was once a friend of the Charmed Ones, and decided it was wiser to suck up to Whitney than lose a coveted spot in the clique.) Unfortunately, Shep will miss the event. His grandfather died and Shep’s headed to Alabama for the funeral. I may have shed a tear upon hearing the touching things Shep had to say about the influential man who made such a big impact on his life. Just a side note, Shep’s grandpa was a George Bush Senior doppelganger. Not even kidding.

Anyway, Derby Day is icy cold, so most of the girls decided to impersonate Carmen Sandiego by wearing fedoras. Cozy and fashionable. Craig is sick, suffering from what Landon calls the LA flu (a two-day hangover). And when Craig is cranky, he lets everyone know about it. He complained all the way to the races.

Everyone is impressed with Gentry Bourbon except for Craig, who refuses to acknowledge JD. When JD gives a toast and thanks everyone who helped make the bourbon a reality, he leaves Craig out of the speech. It’s a two-way freeze out. But JD finally gets Craig alone and tells him he needs to start pulling his weight. He was actually pretty mellow about the whole thing, asking Craig if should have possibly stayed in Charleston to work instead of hying off to Cali. Craig is like, “God, you old people and your dumb work ethic. LA was awesome.” #NewCraig #NoRegrets

The night before Kathryn’s induced due date, Thomas stops by with dinner. He allows her to hug him awkwardly and tells her he’s apprehensive. She lets him know she values his friendship. The next morning, as she’s nervously eating her Lucky Charms, Thomas arrives to take her to the hospital. A few hours later, a sweet little boy was brought into the Ravenel-Dennis madness. St. Julien Rembert Ravenel. Congratulations, you two nutballs!

Will Landon land Shep? And does that baby look like Thomas? Because you know we were all checking for a Ravenel resemblance.

 

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