RECAP: Real Housewives of New York — Bethenny Forces Dorinda To Exclude Sonja Amid Tipsy Girl Battle #RHONY

The Real Housewives of New York begins with Dorinda and Jules doing some funky Christmas shopping for an upcoming gift exchange/caviar party at Bethenny’s. The duo snarks about Ramona, as they wonder if a large cookie jar could possibly contain all of her meds. They chat about the dramatic party the night before, and that tall, red-faced, “biiiiiitch”-breather that busted onto the scene. Dorinda feels burned by the always in the mix Ramona, and is worried about seeing her frenemy again. Dorinda drops a bomb, accusing Ramona of wanting John—a blast of sweet verbal revenge.

We jump to Bethenny’s caviar party prep, where we see Bethenny restraining herself from ripping apart a cheap Disney-esque server. The ladies begin to arrive, as Bethenny and Carole launch into their usual mean-girl snark about Jules. Ramona struts in, ready to drink and gossip, as we jump back to Luann and Sonja, rehashing the Rey riot. Luann explains that Rey is kind of a weirdo, but an ok roll in the hay. Ramona dishes to the gals at Bethenny’s about Rey, reenacting John’s pudgy palm action, leaving out that she went to the mat for Crey–Rey. Jules’ and her necklace try to clarify the whole story, as Sonja fills in Luann about what happened after she escaped. Dorinda arrives, and Ramona is nervous about seeing her, as if her big mouth has a life of it’s own.

Bethenny pulls Dorinda aside, and Dorinda shares that she had felt anxious about coming to the get-together. Dorinda shares that Ramona’s latest stunt triggered a flood of sadness, fear and worry. Bethenny prescribes “quiet” alone time, but she stops short of ordering her to kick her big icky lug to the curb. Miss Know It All Bethenny declares that Dorinda is unhappy, and terrified of being alone.

Ramona falls all over herself to dish Dorinda up some fish eggs, hoping to pretend that nothing happened. Jules and Ramona lick the same pancake, as Bethenny bellows out the Berkshire trip invitation. Dorinda is not inviting Sonja, because Bethenny is mad at her for being a tipsy traitor. Dorinda doesn’t want tension, so she makes sure that babbling Bethenny is first on her guest list. Carole immediately starts griping about Luann, clearly another dream guest. Ramona begins gushing her rinse and repeat apology shtick all over Dorinda, and Dorinda cites Ramona’s new single status for turning her into a raging bitch. Dorinda forgives Ramona—but not really. They open their silly gifts, and it’s a cute scene.

It’s a new day, and there’s nothing like a peek up Luann’s nightie, to start the day off right at the uptown whorehouse. Sonja announces that Luann is canoodling with a mystery man, and Luann confirms that she actually likes the guy. Luann tells us that his name is Tom, and that she has been keeping him a secret. Luann and Sonja read an article in the Post, which details the grimy Rey-ruckus. The gals chat about Luann’s rigorous sex schedule over bagels, indeed a delightful combo.

Sonja meets Dorinda for a walk, and Dorinda is excited to communicate with a sober Sonja. They giggle and banter as they walk, then sit down to talk. Sonja spills her concerns about Ramona spreading tipsy gossip, and being a loony bitch. Ramona lands somewhere in the loving, psycho liar category, and Sonja doesn’t know how to navigate their friendship. The ladies agree that Ramona is enjoying shifting the crazy drunk label from herself to Sonja. Sonja notes that Ramona turns into a monster with sex-kitten extensions around the other women, and the behavior strains their friendship. Dorinda launches into a lecture, from one lush to another, and shuts Sonja out of her  holiday event, supposedly for her own good.

Dorinda declares the other women unhealthy for Sonja, and formally insists that she not attend her sleepover in the Berkshires. Sonja doesn’t get it, considering Ramona was the one who caused a CreyRey mess at Dorinda’s last party. Sonja comments that the SkinnyBitch is the only problem within the group, and that she thinks that Dorinda is probably sucking up to the majestic mogul.

We are then treated to a calm dinner party, where Luann debuts her new beau,  Tom. Only supportive, and not horrifying friends are invited, aka Jules and Dorinda. Dorinda and Luann slam Ramona, as Tom nods, recalling his brush with the ramonacoaster. Tom has been out with Ramona, but the pair parted as  friends. Tom tells the story of how Dorinda and John introduced him to sultry, sexy Luann. Tom is smitten with Luann, and because filming is going on, Luann has kept him a secret from her catty reality friends. Luann is concerned that Sonja isn’t invited to the girls weekend, but Dorinda assures her that Sonja is too fragile to be in Bethenny’s jagged air space.

We switch locations, and hop up to the Berkshires, where Dorinda is decking her house out for the holiday weekend. Ramona and Dorinda have lunch, while Ramona’s dog poops on the floor, likely providing an astute note of foreshadowing. Ramona pries about Luann’s new man-love, and notes that she once dated the mystery hunk. Ramona thinks that it’s uncool that Luann didn’t clear her love affair with her, as another variety of poop continues to be revealed on Dorinda’s rug.

Luann and Jules arrive, as Ramona hides out in the living room. Ramona takes a dig at Luann’s “Money Can’t Buy You Pitch” pipes, and the various stuffed Santas agree, as Bravo cameras pan their panicked faces. Jules worries about her hospitalized dad, her fleeing nanny, as she simultaneously wonders what state she is in. Luann shares that Sonja feels excluded, and that she feels guilty for being there.

Dorinda stands by her decision, and thinks that keeping Sonja Bethenny-free, was a wise move. Ramona thinks that yoga, charity work, and “spiritualzation” is just what Sonja needs to sober up. Bethenny tromps in, ready to take over, and become the subject of all conversation. The women jabber over Sonja’s texts, before Bethenny launches into her expected biting criticism. She proclaims Luann flopping at Sonja’s “crazy” then points out that she is slopping on Ramona’s leftovers. Bethenny dubs Tom the new Harry Dubin, while bursting into hysterical laughter over the idea of slutty Luann mentoring drunkie Sonja.

Bethenny thinks that it’s utter nonsense to believe that loser Luann could mentor a pooping dog, and Ramona agrees, giggling obediently. Luann blames the Skinny vs Tipsy debate, as Bethenny launches into self-praise, until Luann points out that she contributed to her brand concept. Here we go again!

Next week the eggnog hits the fan—and the drama is real! Sonja may be happy that she missed it.

 

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