RECAP: ‘Sister Wives’ Meri and Janelle Decorate For The Family’s Thanksgiving Dinner [Season 7, Episode 3]

The sun is rising over the cul-de-sac, as a new day begins on Sister Wives. It’s the Thanksgiving season, and Janelle and Mare are thankful that they can stand to be in the same room for five whole minutes.

The Browns are expecting seventy of their family members for dinner — hopefully we won’t have to hear the gruesome details as to how they are all related. Mare and Janelle are on table decor duty, and are shooting to avoid a bloodbath, before they jam bunches of flowers into Costco corn cans. The wet bar gets a shout-out, highlighted in all it’s utilitarian glory. Meri is sure that she and Janelle will have different styles, and one of them will be super lame. All of the kids are coming home for the holiday, and Kody wants to hang lights over the cul-de-sac, to bring back the good ol’ days of gyrating in the streets.

Christine and Kody continue their lovey act, while the ladies snark about their pathetic sap of a husband, trying to decorate the compound. Janelle joins Mare by the wet bar, while recalling their awkward couple’s therapy. Decorating for Thanksgiving has never before symbolized such deep-seeded plural horror. Janelle shows up late for the fall explosion, and is shocked at Mare’s clearance craft bounty. Janelle squints in bewilderment, expressing her sincere desire to accomplish something through this nightmare of complete boredom. She’s annoyed, because Mare has ramrodded her own plan, and kicked her to the side — just like in the terrible old days. Janelle can “feel herself” disengage, or rather begin anew, in her hatred for the bitchy Martha Stewart wannabe. Meri sighs, and notes that Janelle is a lame and vacant assistant. Janelle decides to go with it, because she is getting along with Mare, and she can do zero work. Janelle determines that fall colors and candles are a must — indeed a daring Thanksgiving direction.

Kody is busy flipping his hair, excited to connect the homes with lights, as the return of Hunter’s mullet is eagerly anticipated. The lights are symbolic of the connection of the family — even through scandal. TLC treats us to a boring explanation, as to why hanging the lights will take forever, forgetting to explain why we also have to endure the boring project.

The crafty endeavor continues, as we join Janelle, along with a bunch of cans, probably rescued from Robyn’s garbage can. Janelle gave painting a whirl, choosing a festive shade of battleship gray. Janelle appears barely awake, but is hanging in there, even though she is feeling pushed around. Janelle whines about Mare being a big, orange, white-stitched bossy pants, but can’t seem to take initiative. Cue the doofus music — because Janelle’s cans are declared major failures. Mare grimaces, but catches herself, in an unusual moment of personal growth.

We watch another snoozy scene with cables, lights, and falling ladders, as Paedon debuts a snazzy windblown ponytail. The wives are concerned that a gust may blow Kody off a roof, but I know we won’t be that lucky. Christine notes that Kody would battle any natural element, to victoriously join the families with light bulbs. Kody admits that the feat was risky, and that he is indeed a windblown example of bravery.

Back at Janelle’s, the decorating project from polygamous hell continues. Robyn and Christine discuss the personal dynamics of the project from the side, like wannabe CNN analysts. Some of the kids join in the homespun fun, as Kody gives us a sermon about the importance of being an empathic flower arranger. Janelle feels disconnected, forgetting that it’s ok to be disconnected from an activity that one despises. The ladies bond over hot glue, and Mare has high hopes that their sister-burns may be the ticket.

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the gang is swarming home. Meri hugs a clearly resistant Mariah, and all of the kiddos are welcomed back to  the compound. Janelle comments that they almost lost Mare in the fishy drink this year, and Meri responds, by nervously twitching a white-stitched leg. We watch Kody peruse through a pile of Christmas stockings, which includes one for Logan’s nine month long girlfriend, but not one for himself. The women think the diss is utterly hilarious, apparently an inside laugh-riot from some insider cult handbook. Kody’s boyfriend soon-to-be son in law, Caleb arrives, and Kody comments that this may be the last Thanksgiving he will be able to call Caleb his own. 

We jump to Robyn’s planned nursery, which she is planning to split blue and pink, for Sol and Ari-May. Janelle thinks that  the idea is clever — quite a compliment from the one who managed to make a tin can look worse than it did in the garbage. We see the finished room, with silly mismatched curtain panels being the only prominent sign of the split color scheme. 

Everyone is waiting breathlessly for Hunter, and the symbolic light show. Hunter arrives, minus the mullet, and everyone is excited that his hair isn’t horrible anymore. Kody scampers outside, and hits the switch, illuminating the dazzling polygamous unity. The kids respond with an “Eh.” Kody knows that they will one day appreciate his windy heroism. Thanksgiving day is here, and the massive prep is underway. They set up the mess hall, and squabble over the table arrangements.

Mare gives us a little clue about why she was canoodling online, blaming Christine for disobeying Kody’s persnickety demands. The place looks like a Homegoods threw up all over the tables, and there is barely room for any plates. They conclude the decorating project an awkward, cluttered success, as Kody reflects on adoptions, weddings, births, and dirty cheating spiritual wives. 

God bless us all — at least until next week, when Meri and Mariah struggle though the catfish fallout. See you then!

 

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