Sister Wives took a nosedive last night, and expectedly dodged the catfish storyline for almost two hours. TLC touched on the salacious fun, but largely sat in the Browns’ typical dysfunctional nonsense.
TLC only dabbled in the fishy frolic this week, with Kody and Mare tossing out discombobulated thoughts about Meri’s tacky affair. Kody is confused, but is confident that things can to be worked out, with clueless kindness. Mare is processing all that has happened, determining that texting another random, is a sure way to heal from online abuse. Mare labels Sam as her most stressful life-fibroid, a growth that triggered tears, stress, and imaginary fasting.
Meri claims that stress along with potassium overload literally ate away her stomach. Meri still feels lonely, but is taking steps to fill the Sam-shaped hole, phone in hand. Mare is still dealing with the “online crap,” and believes that the lies, deception and evil are all pretty darned frustrating. Meri looks to the bright side, noting Janelle’s generous support for her choice to flee the cult, as long as she agreed to return for the holidays. Mare does find it annoying that she has to shop for stupid fall decorations, instead of being thankful on another cul-de-sac, with Sam.
Aspyn and Mykelti have been living and packing on the pounds together, but Aspyn has determined that living with Mykelti stinks. Aspyn is moving back home, but is ditching her own mom to live with Robyn. Aspyn loves to smother-mother, but would rather care for anyone other than screechy Truely. Mykelti dropped out of school, adventurously following in Maddie’s footsteps, and plans to explore her gift of hoard. In other plural offspring news, Garrison wants to join the military, to be a part of something bigger than himself. Kody encourages him to to enlist in the National Guard, but is worried about his son actually fulfilling his commitment, in those pesky nuisances called wars. Brother Hunter swaggers in, glowing in his achey breaky glory, spouting off know-it-all, mouthy commentary. Garrison is thoughtful, and decisive in his commitment to serve.
Kody and Janelle finally relent, and Kody even expresses pride in his son. Mykelti is moving her junk collection to another town, and the women cackle over Mykelti inheriting her adorable packrat tendencies from her dad. She is set to work in a St. George, Utah pawn shop, a dream career opportunity from heaven, for any gifted hoarder. The Browns are thrilled, because Mykelti’s local anchors, Chris and Dawn, are religious, moral, and kinda normal. Mykelti moves, and starts her job, and Kody and Christine bust in, to check in on her first day. Kody makes them all guffaw by trying to hawk a gifted watch from Robyn, dropping jaws across America. Mare is thrilled—because it means that Kody may be losing a tad of Robyn-lust. Kody tries to shirk sales tax, showing his rascally fraudster side, and along with Christine, acts like a show-offy loudmouth. Mykelti does not look amused. Back in Vegas, the family gathers to hear Garrison announce that he was accepted into the army. They are worried, but proud.
We catch up with Mare’s physical melodrama, marked by symptoms described as stomach issues, and invisible weight loss. It’s been a crazy summer for Mare, with catfish passion and filmed stirrup shots, all occurring within the same few months. Meri reminds us that she is a private person, except on Twitter, and that no one but TLC viewers are allowed to accompany her to the gynecologist. Mare’s doc has good news, and is sure excited to be in the TLC spotlight again. Meri is diagnosed with a mini-fibroid, and decides to name it Janelle.
There’s a new spawn on the way, and while Christine isn’t sure how far along Robyn is, she sure looks like a whale, which means it’s time to party. Christine is giddy over her shower details, as she prepares for the baby bash. Janelle drags in, unenthused, but doing her part, by offering bakery ordered, fetus-themed cupcakes. Christine knocks herself out, and is proud of the thoughtful shindig. Robyn’s niece Mindy pops in, and we learn that she is their trusty and crucially needed babysitter, due to their overlapping, though nonexistent, work schedules. Evidently, the lonely tinted lady next door, hasn’t been available to help out with the kiddos.
The party gets started, and the honored whale washes ashore. Christine’s mom forces out a glazed over smile, and warmly welcomes the expectant mother. Robyn is thrilled to have a happy day, with understanding cult-de-sac outsiders. The wives banter and giggle over the ridiculousness of Robyn having boobs, and the cringeworthy ickiness of Kody boinking and knocking up four different women.
TLC launches into Janelle and Mare’s supposed commitment to hash out their issues. Meri and Kody boing back and forth, telling their history with Janelle, accompanied by upbeat happy music, and illustrated with super awkward throwback pics. Kody and Meri roped Janelle into the cult back in the day, and Kody pounced on her immediately. Janelle was naive, but liked Kody, although their sibling-like chemistry was glaring. Kody remembers a progressive territorial vibe from Meri, while Christine and Robyn offer muppet-like balcony commentary, from the TLC couch. Mare admits that she felt jealous, and Kody notes that it’s perfectly normal for women to fight over his caveman charm.
Janelle claims that Mare was loud and mean, and Mare clarifies that she just wanted to bully a wife into being a movie buddy. Mare was a raging bitch, and Janelle decided that career would always trump hanging out in a hellish home. Janelle shares that Christine’s entry helped calm the climate in the house, and Christine testifies to the frequent domestic clashes. Janelle explains that she was cool with surface level functionality, but Meri had to wreck it, by desiring overrated emotional depth. Meri began to feel sorry for being a crazy shrew, but Janelle wasn’t interested in her lame-ass remorse. Janelle finally saw the light, and Meri made her sweat for months, before she agreed to seek peace.
Good ol’ Nance the therapist was then called in, to mediate the catfight. Janelle would rather not talk about the past nightmare, but Nance believes that it would be healthy to touch on the historical horror. The pair plays role reversal, and agree that they portrayed each other accurately. Janelle shares that she was always taught to be nice, and wasn’t used to coexisting with a nasty tyrant. They agree to work on their “style differences,” and hope that they can effectively balance bitchery and passivity. They decide to test the waters, and see if they can shop together without killing each other. Kody doubts that such a daring endeavor will work out.
Janelle is relieved that Mare decided to ditch her mystery lover, at least for the holidays. They hit the shops, and Janelle is enchanted by a gaudy wreath, excited to be part of the tacky decorating chapter of the Ya Ya sisterhood. Mare notes that she needs to have patience, and restrains herself from shoving the damn wreath down Janelle’s throat. She is hoping that Janelle will be patient with her cemented backbiting ways. Robyn and Christine offer bonus muppet commentary from the TLC balcony, as the show ends.
Next week, it’s a May Thanksgiving—and the beloved wet bar is front and center as the daunting sister-team decorating begins!