The sixth season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is behind us, with the bitter haze of part three of the reunion, still in the air. The spectacle was a sorry one — a thrashing of the queen of Bravo, with some pointed comments from Kathryn Edwards, and a waft of stench from the Bravo castoff dump, rounding out the finale.
We begin with the women dictating Lisa Vanderpump’s emotional health. Lisa tears up, as she recollects a brief abusive relationship, which brings gasps of relieved joy from the cast. At last, the icy chess master shed a tear, revealed a crack of vulnerability — so bring on the condescending nods. Lisa notes that she is more of a softie than they know, and Eileen jabs hard, accusing Lisa of caring more for dogs, than bitches in tacky dresses.
Eileen apologizes for hurting Lisa’s feelings, and Andy cheers her effort, labeling the words as a perfectly executed apology. Eileen admits that she morphed into a raging bitch this season — and Lisa is shoved into admitting a less than passionate love-affair with fake apologies. Kathryn provides a breath of fresh air, sharing that she had seen Lisa Vanderpump in many vulnerable moments.
We take a brief intermission from the Lisa drag, and watch Kathryn and Erika hash out tattletale-gate. Kathryn insists that she wanted to stay above board, but Erika is incensed that she blabbed the FILMED Lisa diss. Kathryn blasts Erika for speaking mad smack about the whole cast, except the one she is paid to defend. The word c*nty is discussed — and Kathryn busts Erika for using the word in the traditional, non-sassy sense. The duo bickers over which one of them called Lisa elderly, and even more unbelievable, harmless. Erika swears on her abandoned son, that she never called Lisa a harmless old bag, while she notes that Kathryn is the sassiest c*nt around. Kathryn also denies the comment, poignantly remarking that she has never heard Lisa say a mean word about any of them. Lisa explains that she finds it unnecessary to snipe at silly, hysterical women.
Bravo allows Brandi to appear from some tacky flea-market storage closet, and viewers are treated to her systematic verbal judgement on each woman. It is tacky and desperate nonsense, and not worth the effort it takes to describe the disgusting spectacle. It is a reunion low — hard to imagine, but Bravo manages to lower their own gutter-level bar.
We rejoin the Vanderpump slaughter, as Andy accuses Kyle of sticking with the queen, no matter what. Kyle shrugs her shoulders, because the pals love each other, and she is smart enough to stick with a winner. They cop to chuckling over Yolanda’s loony Instagram account, because everyone, including Yolanda’s 1.7 million followers, agree that Yolanda’s Instagram account is a laugh-riot. They all agree that her toaster-head shot, wins the top booby prize.
They give Lisa a breather, and all have a go at her dreamboat hubby, Ken. Andy plays back Ken’s greatest hits, including labeling Rinna a stupid, bitchy, crazy-cow wanker. That sweet-talker sure has a way with words. Yolanda and Rinna gasp at the puke-provoking audacity of a husband saying such things about a woman. Yolanda butts in, reminding us of all of Ken’s past miscues, as Bravo rewinds Ken’s snarky comments. Kyle laughs them off, and Rinna knows that her chosen comebacks, such as “fat, vagina-seeking cat hoarders,” are snappier than Ken’s lame insults.
We rehash Yolanda’s hypocritical bipolar jab at Rinna, and Rinna forgets her shtick for a minute, and wonders if she was actually manipulated. Eileen drags her back to the dated side, and tells her to be terrified of Lisa, or else. The women blab on and on, about the unforgivable sin of daring to mention a feasible mental illness. Basically, Rinna and Kyle chatted about what could explain Yolanda being such a loony-tune, and Lisa shared her concern about Rinna’s inner-tube lips dragging them all into the Lymey deep. Rinna admits that she alone, brought up the dirty M word. The group spins in circles, the same old rehashed story boring a hole into the brains of viewers.
Rinna and Eileen murmur disrespectfully in the background, and shake their heads at the sheer nerve of a woman who won’t cave to relentless badgering. Yolanda proclaims Eileen the truth-victor — as if anyone but Kiss-Ass Cohen cares what that cuckoo thinks. Eileen concludes that Kyle is co-signing Rinna, and Kyle flops at backing up Lisa.
Andy moves in for the kill, and blasts Lisa for being manipulative, all backed by recycled clips. Lisa finishes strong, and doesn’t apologize for being above trashy reality show antics. Andy gushes over Yolanda in closing, while Rinna preaches growth — at least until someone else dares to cross her. Erika claims that she has no idea what’s going on, and Lisa regrets not fully supporting Mohamed’s ex. Rinna chokes out a nice word about Lisa, and Lisa’s lowered eyelids don’t budge, as we say farewell to Season 6.
That is a WRAP folks — thanks for all of the support for 23 weeks — see you back east!