Hello, Southern Charmers! In last night’s episode, Craig Conover got ready for his first day of work. He used more hairspray than the entire cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race and wore pink and blue striped socks. Then he spent some time patting himself on the back for being an adult by having a job and living with his girlfriend. Good work, #NewCraig. When he reached the office, JD warned him to keep a pair of work clothes on hand in case he needs to tear down walls on a site. Craig and manual labor? I have a hard time picturing it. On the plus side, Craig need never don a hardhat. His helmet hair is OSHA compliant.
Next up, Shep Rose tries to face-time his mom, but she can’t figure out how to turn on the camera, which was adorable. For the past six months, he’s been in his newly remodeled house. He’s living the dream and impressing the ladies. Cameran Eubanks drops Chez Shep by for a brewski. She wants him to reactivate his realtor’s license and come work with her. But that would require Shep to get up before happy hour, and he only rises early for skiing, duck hunting, or sexy time. Cameran lays down the law. If Shep works for her, he’s going to have to get his ass out of bed and spend some time showing houses and charming the lady clients. Cameran’s new purpose in life is give Shep’s life purpose.
Now we zoom over to Thomas Ravenel’s home where awaits his crazy baby mama, Kathryn Dennis. First, he treats himself a whiskey and Coke, then lights a few candles. Is he expecting things to get romantic? I guess if she’s already knocked up, what’s the worst that could happen, right? But Kathryn isn’t here for sex. After finding a home to rent in town, she wants Thomas to co-sign for her. Since he previously offered to rent her an apartment, there’s no reason why he wouldn’t help her get a house. Thomas has made a lot of promises he hasn’t kept, and Kathryn is tired of his games. And besides, she doesn’t want the kids to come home to a rinkydink house after spending time in a Ravenel mansion.
T-Rav agrees to sign for her, hoping that if they’re living closer to each other, she’ll allow him more access to the kids. Then he throws Kathryn a bone. He invites her to a polo match over the weekend and offers to take her and Kensie to the beach for a little family time. Kathryn agrees, but she feels like she’s making a deal with the devil. (Girl, you did that the moment you drunkenly consummated your relationship.)
Hey, Thomas, if you want more time with your babies, take her to court. Oh, that would mean you’d have to pay child support every month, not just when you feel like it. Don’t get me wrong, Kathryn is no angel. She’s holding those kids hostage for more dinero, obviously. I just feel sorry for the babies who are caught in this crossfire.
Next, it’s time for Patricia Altschul to start thinking about her flamingo soirée. Her party planner rushes right over wearing a flamingo scarf to show his dedication to the project. Patty‘s been offered a book deal on southern entertaining, and she wants lots of pictures. Because…flamingos, people. Nothing screams gracious living like a bunch of pink plastic birds floating in a dirty pool.
At a dive called Martha Lou’s Kitchen, Danni and Cameran wait for Shep. He arrives late, tired, and hung over from his drunken hookup the night before. Cameran is sick of hearing about Shep‘s mating habits. She’s ready for him to get serious about the real estate business. In fact, they might get a billboard. Shep wants to be a pictured as a centaur with Cameran riding him and carrying a whip. Oh boy. Then they tuck into the most delicious looking fried chicken and greens I’ve ever seen.
Across town, Landon Clements is on the driving range with her dad. Though she claims to be a lifelong golfer, she can’t manage to hit the ball. Just like after claiming to be an artist, she outlines dark trees against a blue background.
Landon is a daddy’s girl, but now that she’s in her thirties, Daddy wants Landon to take responsibility for her own life. Silly man! How is she going to pay for a bourbon bar, an online magazine, and a shop selling her stupid artwork with her own meager funds? Daddy tells her to pick one thing and stick to it. And by the way, he’s getting tired of this open wallet policy. Landon whines that she doesn’t want to be limited to one thing. In her tearful talking head, she claims that some days she can’t get out of bed, and figuring out her life so, so hard.
Sell that bullshit to someone else, because most of us have had to work for everything we have. Welcome to the real world, honey. I just couldn’t find any sympathy in my cold, tiny heart for Landon. #RichPeopleProblems
With Kathryn, the struggle is real. No, I’m not talking about her bun in the oven or her issues with Thomas. I’m talking about the fact that she was not invited to Patricia’s flamingo party! She calls Thomas to complain about feeling left out. He decides to man up and do something about it.
#NewCraig is getting serious about life, too. He meets up with Cameran his sister from a different mister, to buy a ring for his rich girlfriend, Naomie. He’s punching above his weight with this one, so he wants to lock it down and he needs Cameran to help him pick the right pre-engagement ring. *record screech* What now? A pre-engagement ring? Boy needs to look up the definition of adult, because adults get fully engaged.
Thomas decides to honor at least one promise. After using his pink Clarisonic he heads over to Patty’s house. He tries to bribe her with a big ass candle and lots of empty flattery to get Kathryn an invite to the party, but Miss Patty ain’t having it. In her opinion, Kathyryn is a hot, angry mess. Final answer: not in this lifetime.
Now comes the big day for the polo match. JD and his wife, Elizabeth, are excited to see Kathryn and the baby. They can’t understand why Kathryn has distanced herself from them. They are Kenzie‘s godparents after all.
Jen makes a two hour drive in her Maserati to pick up Kathryn and the baby. Then she turns around and drives another two hours to the polo match. But when they arrive, Kathryn refuses to get out of the car. She’s disgusted to see T-Rav‘s friends present, sipping cocktails. How dare he invite these people to his own event? This was supposed to be a family day. When she does finally emerge, Kathryn acts bitchy to everyone. She leaves Nanny Dawn in charge and makes for the porta potty. When she steps out, she sees Elizabeth helping Kensie put on her shoe, and all hell breaks loose.
Kathryn has all sorts of excuses for her anger. She was upset about having alcohol in Kensie’s presence. (Right, because Thomas is sober.) Elizabeth offered to douse the drinks, but Kathryn doesn’t care, she just wants to leave.
I couldn’t figure out why Kathryn was being so irrational. It made zero sense, but JD claims he’s seen this type of behavior before, and I believe him.
Kathryn orders Nanny Dawn to take the baby back to her parents’ home. Another two hour drive. If I were a betting woman, I’d say Kathryn wanted some baby-free time with Jen before going back to the country. Why drive separate cars if they’re all heading home, hmmm?
Thomas loses his polo match, and as he looks around, he wonders aloud what happened to Kathryn. After a few minutes, he realizes the baby isn’t there either. “Where’s my baby?” he demands. He whips off his shirt in anger. After all, he only gets six days a month with Kensie. He promises retribution against Kathryn.
And there you have it. So what’s your take? Should Craig go full-on engagement ring? Should T-Rav and Kathryn have their baby-makers tied? And what is Kathryn’s deal—hormones or cray-cray? I’ll let you hash it out in the comments.