RECAP: Real Housewives of Dallas — Brandi Redmond’s Dog Poop Drama [Season 1, Episode 2]

Welcome back, y’all. This week on The Real Housewives of Dallas we will be attending yet another charity event. The ladies are a little more subtle this episode, except Brandi. At least this week there’s no mention of Jesus juice.

Brandi and her side kick, Stephanie, stop by Marie’s beautiful home (again why wasn’t she selected as a housewife?) to teach her daughter some dance moves. Brandi apologizes to Marie for making a scene at the No Tie party. Marie tells the ladies to watch out because LeeAnne is Jekyll and Hide, depending on the social setting, but both sides are great, y’all.

Over at Cary’s house we learn a little more about her and her husband Mark. Did you know Mark, the plastic surgeon, is lucky to have his “lifetime achievement award” of a wife? He used to be a chubby doctor with man-boobs, but thanks to Cary’s “magical junk” Mark is a new man who knows his way around a kitchen. They have a sweet two year-old little girl named Zuri who is already quintilingual, thanks to her nannies and tutors.

Across town, LeAnne and Tiffany are at the hat designer’s store to check on LeeAnne’s hat concoction for this week’s charity event. The Mad Hatter is THE social event of the season, and LeeAnne won last year with a colorful flowered monstrosity that draped to the ground. How in the heck she made it from the car to the curb, I have no idea.

Across town, Brandi is making her hat and Stephanie is helping. Brandi has the brilliant idea to add fake poop to her hat. Isn’t that funny, y’all? Stephanie wishes she could be so funny, but Travis’ family is in charge of charitable contributions, plus, Travis didn’t put “poop hat” on the list, just “wasp nest” so Stephanie can’t wear one. Stephanie informs Brandi that she wrote an apology email to LeeAnne because Travis told her to she didn’t want LeeAnne to feel ganged-up on at the No Tie party. Brandi is hanging out in the wind alone now.

Tiffany and LeeAnne are barbequing with their men. Did you know that when Tiffany and LeeAnne first met they hated each other? Now they love each other. Aaron shares a tale from the Outback that involves a man’s arm entering the cow’s anus to inseminate her. Good times. Let’s eat. LeeAnne shares that 20 years ago Rich won a best-legs contest in college. How scandalous. Texans sure are wild and crazy people. #not Then the ladies start putting the pressure on Rich to hurry-up and marry LeeAnne already because Tiffany wants to plan a wedding and it’s been six years. Speaking of cows, we all know you don’t buy it when it lives with you for free.

Next, we get to know Tiffany and Aaron a little better. He wants to record five more albums. She wants to buy a McMansion in the Big-D for them, but shucks it all to hell if she didn’t spend the money she made in LA partying and traveling. So now the couple is in limbo. But what the heck, let’s go look at a large house they can’t afford anyway. It’s modern, but considered very LA, so Aaron won’t be homesick. But he is because he knows deep down he needs to be in either LA, Austin or Nashville. Aaron is honest with Tiffany and tells her he doesn’t know if he loves Dallas enough to buy a home. Tiffany is heartbroken, but not hopeless.

Brandi is trying to help her little girls make a cake, while holding her dog, for their grandmother’s birthday. It’s going to be a tea party. Stephanie drops by and the two complain about how difficult their lives are, how tired they are, even with all the help they have, bless their hearts. Stephanie leaves and Brandi’s mother, mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law, whom she spends more time with than her husband, arrive. Brandi tells her mother, who had her at 15 and was shunned by her father, how crazy she is, and that’s where she gets it from, so thank you.

LeeAnne has her pearl necklace dress out for the Mad Hatter event and asks Rich if he thinks there’s too many necklaces. He says, hell yeah. But LeeAnne doesn’t care. It’s Texas. Over accessorizing is not only expected, but written in the state’s bylaws. And since the Mad Hatter event is mostly for women, Rich doesn’t have to see it. He is very relieved.

It’s charity time! And Brandi’s hat is a dis-gus-ting mess. Seriously, if her husband is a swampy wilderness kind of hunter guy he can borrow it. Moss dangles from every direction, camouflaging Brandi. And the poop, what can you say about the poop, except that everyone poops – but that doesn’t mean you have to hot glue it to your hat, hon. I guess they do things differently in Dallas. Stephanie’s hat is the opposite of Brandi’s it’s so-bor-ing. Did she borrow it from her mother’s Easter collection?

As the women arrive at the event, everyone gives air kisses so not to smudge their lipstick. LeeAnne’s pearl hat is classy with her “April in Paris” theme, but not enough to win – and we don’t know who wins because they don’t say. Cary lies to Brandi and tells her she looks good in shit. Some of these hats at the event, I don’t know how the women keep their heads held up, but the quick glances Bravo gives us are interesting.

When LeeAnne hears that Brandi is wearing a shitty hat to such a treasured, graceful, and elegant event such as this, she is dismayed. LeeAnne thinks Brandi might as well be giving all the ladies at the charity a virtual bitch slap. LeeAnne says that Brandi obviously doesn’t get that she’s ruining her reputation. And besides, Brandi is an ex-Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, her reputation enters the room before she does.

But that was before Brandi placed the fake dog poop on one of the chairs at the event with Cary’s help distracting the ladies. You can dress these ladies up, but obviously you can’t take them out for very long. LeeAnne is horrified and feeling baited into a confrontation by Brandi. Instead, LeeAnne tattles to the Mad Hatter police, but nothing happens other than people looking down their noses at Brandi.

Tune in next week when some of the ladies go to a strip club and Brandi joins the guys onstage. I wonder what charity that’s for, y’all.

 

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