It’s a wrap for the regular season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, with the finale episode airing tonight. It’s off to the reunion we go, but before we change gears into reunion hysteria, let’s walk down memory lane, and reflect on a cast, that has provided this writer with endless snark, for months.
Let’s start with the veterans.
Lisa Vanderpump (YES—the queen is FIRST) navigated the season with fun, class and grace. I would nominate Lisa the least changed—she is delightful, snarky, and sharp, season after season. We watched her throw out a pitch, march for abused animals, gift her son with a jeep, and add to her menagerie. She patiently waded through the drama, throwing side-eyes, whenever someone deserved them. She celebrated her hubby with a lush birthday lunch, and allowed us, along with her swans, into her fabulous home. Her rosy reality got run own by a couple of obnoxious lawnmowers, but fans know that she will surely bloom again. I am NOT sorry to say— I am a fan.
Kyle Richards was, well, Kyle Richards. She didn’t have her sister to cry over, so that was a plus. Portia stood in, as Kyle hawked her pint-sized co-star, in scene after scene. Kyle hogged the camera every chance she got, always trying too hard, to impress. She worked her acting chops, and those teary napkin dabs at the Lyme fundraiser, earned her rave reviews. Kyle became a Lyme-believer, a Lisa shader, and a chief instigator. Her family dissed her, Yolanda scolded her, and people with good fashion taste were blinded by her. Kyle stood firm, with her pubescent hair helicoptering her through the season. I nominate Kyle as the wife least likely to change, grow, or step away from the camera.
Yolanda Foster has been the dreary drag that has kept a cast running in circles. We witnessed Yolanda bare-faced, discussing drugs, worms, and exhaustion, all accompanied by an ex-hooker backup dancer. It was Lyme, Lymey and Lymier—morning, noon, and night. Brief breaks in her “journey” were taken, to gossip, lecture, and rant like a dutch banshee at anyone who dared to breathe in the wrong direction. She delivered a bloody boob-baby, and let go of a ponytail nub—and those were her high points. Her love shifted from her king, solely back to her three angels, whom we had better find breathtaking—or else. I nominate Yolanda as the most likely to end up in a loony bin—taking padded room pics, on her phone.
Lisa Rinna crashed like a smashed wine glass, moments before escaping this season as a lone truth heroine. She started out strong, calling out Yolanda’s game, then hustled backwards, hiding behind her soap hero, Eileen Davidson. Rinna faced conflict head-on like a good reality sport, hawked her wares, shared nuggets of her home life, and dished it like it was. A scene filmed with Davidson on the beach, was excellent. Rinna had a fantastic start, but tripped at the finish line, smashing her big lips into the finale asphalt. Rinna gets my vote, for the biggest letdown of the season.
Eileen Davidson went from a refreshing drink of water to an annoying dog with a bone, overnight. She made it her mission to pin Lisa Vanderpump to the mat, over and over, until viewers yelled “HOME WRECKER,” desperate to shut her up. She revealed a guilty conscience, that no apology could remedy. She gushed over her daring new pal, Erika, and secretly wished that she could gyrate on a stage on her days off. She managed to assert herself as a villain and remain boring at the same time—an unforgivable combo, in my book, especially from a career soap star. Eileen wins the most likely to be tossed into the Glanville-Graveyard award.
Kathryn Edwards busted onto the scene attached to a dark time in history, and lured Faye Resnick out of her lair, to sip the OJ. She was half deaf but refreshingly candid, with a young, handsome, adoring husband. She hollered her way through gossip, but offered a neutral and reasonable balance, as the women ricocheted off the walls around her. I enjoyed Kathryn, and vote her most likely to hear better, and talk quieter. I hope she returns.
Erika C**nty Jayne Girardi rounds out the cast. Erika fancies herself an enigma, but she really came across as a run-of-the-mill gold digger. Erika was brought on to rah-rah Yolanda Foster, and due to her extensive obedience training, she pulled through. She claimed a brazen spirit, but actually shirked away from conflict, and confrontation. Erika was an odd character, a cocktail waitress turned porny dance queen, funded by a grandhusband who wanted to provide her a career. She boasted a solid marriage, as long as he kept her mouth shut, a private jet, and gobs of allowance money. Her glam squad posse added a whole other dimension of ostentatious weirdness. Erika’s porn-princess persona ineffectively masked a seemingly ordinary, and pretty dull girl. I would give Erika the oldest story wrapped in the tackiest package award.
How would you vote these six lovelies, as we wave goodbye to Beverly Hills? See you at the finale!