Remember when Real Housewives of New York started, all those years ago? Luann de Lesseps was a hot mom and wife, living in a swanky townhouse, playing tennis on the weekends and not missing her older French husband when he worked away from home for weeks at a time. Fast forward to now. Luann is a divorced empty-nester looking for that perfect NY apartment. And talking about how to give the best blow job. So much has changed. Excuse me while I wipe away a sentimental tear.
“Since my children went away to college, I’ve been looking for a small pied-à-terre in New York. When I don’t stay in hotels, I stay with Sonja and we always have fun together. She’s an empty nester like me since her daughter went to boarding school, so I thought she might like a break from rambling around her townhouse alone.”
Oh, God. The townhouse. Why doesn’t Sonja Morgan unload this piece of crap? Yes, I’m sure it’s still worth a fortune (at least by my standards) and was once beautiful in its heyday. Now its skeletal garden is full of dog poop. Sonja has to unclog her own toilet and live without hot water. That place is going to fall down around her ears one day and take all those interns with her.
Okay, back to Luann. Last season, LuLu hated on Carole Radziwell for dating Adam, the hot chef because: 1. He used to date her niece. 2. He was a member of Lu’s staff. For God’s sake, are we heathens?! One does not date the domestic of a friend—because we’re all living in Downton Abbey. 3. Me thinks Luann was a little jealous on the heels of her breakup with Jacques.
“Carole’s still holding a grudge against me for commenting on her boyfriend Adam’s age, but my concern wasn’t his age, it was about her getting involved with someone who was dating a member of my family. They’ve managed to make love last and one year later, they seem very happy. At this point I’m over it…”
First of all, Luann didn’t merely comment on it. She said nasty things to and about Carole for most of the season. So much for being a gracious countess.
“As for her saying she won’t have Adam and me in the same room, honestly, I think that’s very immature since I don’t hold a grudge against her or him.”
Yes, but she’s made it so uncomfortable, why would Adam subject himself to that?
Moving on, Luann gives her opinion of the other ladies. Ramona claims to have new boobs, but has she copped to getting her face done? Those brows are sky high. But she needs a fresh look to bag a new man, right?
“I think all that Pinot has gone to her brain? She couldn’t remember Avery’s friend who spent an entire weekend with her in the Hamptons and then became irritated and dismissive when Avery pointed this out. The look on the girls’ faces as they watched Ramona flirt at the bar was priceless!”
Ramona is probably pickled in Pinot by now. As for Dorinda Medley, she’s still with John and spent the summer cutting back on the booze.
“…I know many people who temporarily quit drinking to cleanse their systems, but that doesn’t mean that they have a problem. For a gal who owns a liquor company, Bethenny is very judgmental about how much we party. She’s always commenting about how much we drink all the while plying us with cocktails from her line…”
Come on, now, let’s be fair. Bethenny Frankel’s judgmental about everything. Always. And she’s not too happy with new Housewife, Jules Wainstein. But Luann seems ready to give her a pass. For now!
“Jules…isn’t shy about sharing what’s on her mind. She is an optimistic and idealistic person, and I like that about her. Her kids are cute, although I can assure you bribery leads to bratty behavior… I think Jules and Michael are a great couple.”
Are you happy the New York ladies are back? Hopefully, they’re healthy, so we won’t have another Cancer/Lyme scenario. I’m ready for some bitchy fun and wild behavior. How about you?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.