The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with the ladies getting picked up in fancy cars to go to a fancy mall, which Erika notes as the whole reason that she traveled across the globe. Lisa, Kyle, and Kathryn are in one car, chatting about the bitch-fest from the night before, and what they can publicly blurt, to get thrown in jail. They arrive at the mall, and are blown away by the money spending potential.
They are chaffered around the monstrous place, and it’s cool, if you like malls. Eileen and Rinna behave like snotty bitches, and freeze Lisa out, like mean girls on an overpriced playground. Lisa begins to wonder why she came. Rinna takes credit for shutting Lisa up, as they head out to tackle the Burj Khalifa. The women arrive at the massive structure, and are greeted by a guide, who takes them, three at a time, to the 152nd floor of the 2,716 foot tower. Kyle reminds us that she is scared of heights, as Rinna astutely describes the building as “very high.”
The women step out on the deck, and the view is jaw dropping. The ladies look down on an airplane, as they take a quick group selfie. Lisa pulls Eileen aside, ready to try out Kyle’s coaching on apologies that sound sincere. Kyle promised her that Eileen would shut her pie hole if Lisa recited obediently, so Lisa decides it’s worth a shot, for some bloody peace. Lisa furrows her brow beneath her sunnies, and apologizes, and Eileen accepts—-again.
Back in Cali, Yolanda is meeting up with her best robotic cheerleaders, Brandi and Kim. As Tea reported—Brandi is wearing a charming top from her “Drunk is Where It’s At” collection, in the presence of a raging alkie. It’s kinda like she never left. Yolanda lays out her Lyme-friendly picnic, while she gushes over the glory of hanging out with her easy-breezy booted besties. Yolanda drops the word “manipulating,” and viewers around the country, yawn in unison. Brandi tries to shock the audience with her blathering whore antics—but her mouth was so last season!
Brandi seizes her five minutes, and hawks her brand shamelessly, gifting the women with tacky t-shirts. Kim is underwhelmed, and likely horrified. Yolanda rambles on about being tossed away, by a to-be-announced-next-week culprit, because she is a sick, dreary drag. Yolanda preaches against shunning crazy junkies, and Kim looks uncomfortable to be chosen, as her poster child. The scene is stupid, and a throwaway.
We jump to Erika, who is sharing her glam squad with Kathryn. It’s Kathryn’s birthday, and the duo hopes that the night won’t be sheer hell. The ladies are shuttled to a luxurious yacht, and they all toast to the birthday girl. Rinna and Eileen immediately launch into gossip “about last night,” chomping at the bit, to get the party started. Lisa explains that her apology was what Eileen wanted to hear, but she really just wanted the relentless hag off of her back. Eileen and Rinna whip a Yolanda and Lisa hatred theory out of thin air, and begin trying to convince the viewers. Bravo flashes back to random scenes, in order to build their case. Rinna ups the drama, noting that the duo HATES each other, and will do ANYTHING to “get at” each other. Kyle sidles up, hoping to catch the latest dish.
Kathryn’s mom interrupts, and phones in with birthday wishes—a wonderful moment, in the midst of a hot mess of an hour. The women get teary and share mommy memories. Kyle sneakily feeds Lisa a line about Rinna being emotional over the night before, as Eileen works the same angle in her corner. Eileen feels sorry for Lisa, because Lisa is so fabulous, she feels on the outside, of this utter cast nonsense. The group sits down to dinner, and Kyle can’t stand the sound of peace, proclaiming a dinner without accusatory gossip, “weird.” Rinna blurts out her Yo vs Lisa theory, and informs Lisa of her own anger. Lisa admits that she was hurt by Yolanda’s lash-out at Ken, but does not cop to their lame theories. Rinna wants Lisa to admit that she’s caught, and Lisa doesn’t blink. Rinna and Lisa agree to stick to their guns, and Eileen blasts Lisa for betraying Kyle.
Kyle and Lisa bicker about the post-Munch convo, and Kathryn asks Kyle to admit that she believes Rinna. When, how, where and why Kyle was brought into this boring mess, is beaten into the ground, as Lisa rolls her eyes. Erika states that the relationship between Kyle and Lisa is “leveraged,” unlike the true friendships she shares with her stowed away men-in-waiting, or her favorite sickie-pic photographer. Lisa admits that she was worried about Rinna’s big lips dragging everyone into the Munch-mess, and Eileen indignantly storms off, in a huff. Kyle admits to being protective of her friendship with Lisa, and Dr. Rinna diagnoses Kyle with relating to Lisa like the sober sister, she never had. Lisa and Kyle begin to hash out their discrepancies, and Eileen eavesdrops, even though Kathryn tries to stop her. Kyle begs Lisa to confess, so she doesn’t look like a brainwashed ass-kisser, but Lisa passes. Kyle admits to Lisa that she believes Rinna, and begs her to give her a reason not to sell her down the river. Lisa passes. Kyle references Taylor Armstrong ratting her out, for snarking on Lisa’s ego, to show that she refuses to lie about their friendship. Kyle, the all-caring truth warrior, pushes Lisa to change her story, implying that she strayed from the whole truth. Lisa passes.
Rinna rambles in the background about the drama stemming from one person, forgetting to note the person as herself. Rinna self-righteously labels herself and the others as collateral damage, resulting from a narcissistic fight for the throne, between Yolanda and Lisa. Her dramatic assertion is utterly hilarious. Kathryn thinks so too. Lisa offers to lie, beg, borrow, or steal to shut Kyle up. Kathryn doesn’t understand Kyle and Lisa’s friendship, but points out that it’s none of their concerns. Kyle finally gets smart, and and drops the subject. Lisa is upset that Kyle believes Rinna, even though Kyle is cool with drinking Lisa’s delightful pink kool-aid. Kyle knows which side is the ultimate winner—so cased closed. Kyle wants to salvage Kathryn’s birthday, and they try to pull themselves together around her birthday cake. Kathryn wishes for civil bitchiness, as she blows out her candles.
The next morning, the women gather for one last meal, before they prepare to leave. They chat about their adventures, and Erika toasts to ending this nightmare of a trip. The finale is next week, as the cast gathers for the final showdown. See you there!