Little Women LA begins with Briana and Matt walking hand in hand, and chatting about the Mexico trip. Briana spills about the girls chattering endlessly about Matt, and notes that the trip actually backfired, and made them all hate each other more. Briana says that Jasmine and Elena are the only ones invited to their pretend wedding—and Matt agrees with the decision. Christy is riding the guest list razor’s edge, and remains a maybe. Matt thinks that Briana should invite her family, but Briana isn’t so sure.
We jump to Tonya and Terra, who are perusing photos from the vacation from hell. The photos are phony and drag-queeny—which inspires Terra to gift them to Briana, as a heartfelt peace offering. Terra wants to give Briana another shot, but Tonya doesn’t trust her. Terra whips out a pretty good Christy imitation, while they diss her for being a double-dealing do-gooder. Terra decides to give Christy another shot, but wonders if she is really crapping on her, behind her back.
Briana pops in on Jasmine, to thank her for her horrifying gesture. Briana dishes that Terra has been butt-kissing via text, and Briana mentions that she hasn’t been feeling well—obviously a hint to a possible pregnancy. Briana asks Jasmine to be her maid of honor, and Jasmine is thrilled to be able to stand up for her bestie, at her faux wedding.
We jump over to Christy, who is cooking, and Todd, who is cracking gross jokes about his icky mustache. Christy tells Todd about the pyramid outing, and about Elena’s pregnancy. Christy shares about her jealous disappointment, and hopes that Todd will admit that he is miserable about Preston and Elena’s happiness. He doesn’t cop to selfish, immature jealousy, which Christy thinks is more upsetting than his gross mustache.
Elena, along with Terra, is meeting with her Morphe rep, Linda, to discuss her makeup line progress. Linda notices Elena’s blooming status, which makes a woman pregnant with TWINS, annoyed. Terra muses that Elena is super-vain, but will do fine as a chunky mommy. Terra announces a line-dancing event, and hopes that the girls will come. Briana is ignoring her texts, and avoiding her like the plague. Terra just wants Briana to be honest about her hatred.
Briana and Matt go on an odd ceramics date, which serves as the perfect random spot for Briana to break her pregnancy news. Matt is thrilled—and I just hope that they don’t tell Christy, until the season is over.
We skip over to Terra and Jasmine, who are shopping for cowboy hats for the line-dancing shindig. Terra complains about Briana’s silence, and Christy’s shady attitude. Terra pries for info, and claims false accusations from Christy are polluting her relationship with Briana.
Matt and Briana are mini-golfing with the kids, and Briana is trying not to spew all over the course. Briana tells Matt that her family is badgering her about the pregnancy, and that they need to tell the children. They spill the beans and the Leanna is excited, and Eric musters a bored smile. Jasmine and Briana have an appointment with Briana’s wedding dress designer, and when Briana is a no-show, Jasmine becomes worried. Jasmine calls to check on her, and finds her in the ER, with a racing heart.
We jump to Todd and Christy, who are checking in with their family therapist. Christy shares about her jealousy over Elena’s pregnancy, and her disgust with Todd, when he didn’t co-sign with her jealousy. Todd complains that Christy is a mean bitch, and Christy admits it, and complains that Todd is a fat, lame-ass. The therapist sympathizes, and encourages them to hate each other in a loving way.
It’s the night of the line-dancing event, and Terra and Tonya arrive in their western wear. Terra shares that she is working to be a better friend, as Tonya shoves her leather covered butt onto a bar stool. Terra complains about Christy being a master mini-manipulator, and Tonya agrees that Christy is a double-talker. Jasmine and Elena saunter up, and Jasmine spills the tea about Briana being in the ER. Tonya immediately doesn’t buy it. Christy and Briana appear, and Terra is pissed that Briana doesn’t look like death. Briana explains that she went into breathing arrest, but was somehow able to call her own ambulance. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong—but it sounds like a classic anxiety attack to me. Briana shares that the baby is fine, but that she still wants to keep pregnancy secret.
The ladies line-dance, and their short little cluster looks cute. Terra is happy that the gals had fun, but wants to spice things up, by instigating a fight. She demands answers from Briana about the ignored texts, and Briana claims that her silence is nothing personal, just disdain for the whole group. Tonya butts in, and offers a random texting etiquette lesson. Briana is annoyed that they are pushing, and the women continue to relentlessly lecture her. Elena pushes about the questionable wedding invites, and Briana doesn’t think that there’s enough time to give her any desire to have them there. Terra snarks that Briana is pretty dumb if she thinks that she can’t just pretend that Matt isn’t at his own wedding. Briana points out that the hatred for her husband is problematic, but that she would be happy to accept their support apart from her marriage. She drops the bomb about the pregnancy, and the ladies are shocked, but offer weak congratulations. Christy controls her jealousy long enough to nicely give Briana a hug. They all launch into self-serving blabber about visiting privileges with a baby that won’t arrive before they weather at least another 50 fallouts.
Terra launches into a Matt rant—a sure way to win Briana back. Briana nails it, and asks Terra if she is just looking for a fight. Terra blathers on and on, and acts like a complete self-absorbed lunatic. Briana doesn’t bite, so Terra viciously turns on Christy. We flash back to the most unwanted bachelorette party in history, and the horror of anyone daring to use the word “force” instead of “convince.” Christy admits that she hates Matt as much as the next gal, but that she forced no one to go to Mexico. Terra calls Christy a liar, and Christy lashes back with the same accusation. Terra loses it, and tosses a drink in her face, much to Tonya’s smirking delight. The duo hurls everything they can lay their hands on, including ice cubes and glasses. The show dramatically freezes when a glass hits Christy in the noggin.
All pregnant ladies need to quit this brawl of a show, STAT. Find out how badly Christy is hurt—next week!