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Erika Girardi Wears REAL Fur, Talks Brandi Glanville & Being Subservient to Her Husband

I'm a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.    

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On Watch What Happens Live, Erika Girardi may be a star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, sport black and white fur coats that remind me of the Cruella De Vil outerwear line, and stuff herself into catsuits that show off every nook and cranny of her body, but it was Saturday Night Live funny girl, Rachel Dratch, who stole the show.

When host, Andy Cohen, introduced Rachel, she was holding up a full bottle of Ramona Pinot Grigio and sipping from a very long straw. She rattled off a few Debbie Downer one-liners about tonight’s RHOBH trip to Dubai. Then after the first break, she reentered the clubhouse wearing a long blond wig, thigh high boots and a pink faux fur coat as her alter ego, Rachel Jayne. She debuted her new video “Pat the Tush”, which looked as though it had been shot that afternoon in the Bravo offices. She even crawled around on the conference room table in a send up of Erika Jayne’s “Painkiller” video.

Erika loved it, and Andy couldn’t keep a straight face.

All right, back to all things Housewives. As you know, on tonight’s episode Brandi Glanville made her triumphant return as Yolanda Hadid’s real friend as opposed to those “Hollywood” friends who are still regular cast members. Brandi comforted Yolanda in her Lyme-time of trouble. Then Andy showed a clip where Brandi bizarrely claimed that Lisa Rinna was batshit crazy from all the wig glue she’d been sniffing. Yes, Brandi maintained that Rinna’s hairdo was faker than Yolanda’s old boobs.

So let me get this straight, Rinna has been wearing the same damned wig for the last twenty years? If that were true, wouldn’t she update that ’do? Why keep a tired style if it’s not her real hair? I’m just asking the hard-hitting questions, people.

Next, Andy listed a host of things real people do and asked Erika about them to gauge how normal she is. Just in case you ever wanted to know, Erika goes grocery shopping without makeup and she used to take public transportation when she lived in New York. She’ll pick up dog poop “if she has to”, but you won’t find her at the waterpark. She does, however, feed coins into the meter and pumps her own gas. “I have a Lamborghini and I don’t want anyone to touch it.” Of course she doesn’t.

Next week’s sneak peek features the ladies dining in Dubai, where everyone wore way too much eyeliner for some reason. Erika admitted she liked Rinna better now than when they first met and claimed she doesn’t judge the ladies. (Liar!!!) Rinna said she was off put by Erika’s sexy video. Then Erika spent the rest of the clip in her one-on-one interview judging the hell out of Rinna for being a hypocrite.

A caller noted that Erika’s much older husband, Tom, seems to talk down to her. Erika’s response?

“Lawyers think they’re the most important people on the planet. I chalk that up to being a lawyer for a million years.”

A million years is right, sister. Andy pointed out that Erika acts subservient to him.

“I don’t know if it’s subservient…mostly respectful. His time is precious, you know, I just try to make the most of it.”

When your husband shuts you down and treats you like a child, telling you to go to your room and you oblige him? That’s subservient. Case closed, your honor!

Another viewer asked Erika’s thoughts on the talk Rinna had with Eileen where they discussed Yolanda’s “illness” and whether she uses it to her advantage.

“Obviously that hurts because I’m close to Yolanda, but listen, everyone’s entitled to their opinion…a lot of time has passed since then.”

Another caller wanted to know that since David Foster and Yolanda are now splitsville, is Erika still on good terms with David? Also, did Yoyo bring Erika on the show to help take down Lisa Vanderpump?

“No to your last question. Tom and I are friendly with David and Yolanda. We always have been, we always will be.”

And what’s Erika’s relationship with LVP now?

“We saw each other at the reunion… It’s fine.”

Um, thanks for elaborating. Honestly, listening to Erika give simplistic answers to these questions is like listening a three year old tell a longwinded story—frustrating and pointless.

She wrapped up her less than fascinating interview by giving Andy an Erika Jayne coffee table book. I wonder how much he can get for it on eBay? Any takers?

So, do you think Erika is subservient? Do you want her back next season or is she too boring for this crew?

 

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