RECAP: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills — David Foster’s Caught Doubting His Marriage To Yolanda [Season 6, Ep 16]

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with Yolanda checking in with The Gigi, who is off looking amazing on some runway. Yolanda is preparing a speech for a big Lyme event, and she’s nervous, because her brain free-flows mostly BS, these days. She believes that the ladies will benefit from coming to her event, because their hearts are closed, and haven’t been interested in going on her loony journey.

We jump to Kathryn and Donnie, who are meeting with an audiologist, to pick up the hearing device for Kathryn. The tiny aid should make Kathryn bearable at dinner parties, and she is excited. The device works immediately, which brings tears to Kathryn’s eyes. Kathryn had no idea all she had been missing, or how  loud she bellows, whenever she speaks. Kathryn realizes that she was hollering at Erika’s grandhusband, and she probably should apologize for being deaf and aggressive.

We join Camille, who is checking out the pricey jewelry that will be part of a fundraiser at her home, to benefit women’s cancer research. Yolanda arrives at the event, and has cut her hair short, and because her hair looks cute, (and clean) I offer a moment of silence for the nub, then let go of the scraggly memories. Yolanda is proud of Camille for sharing her cancer journey, but Camille ignores her overused shtick. Rinna arrives, and is petrified of seeing Yolanda, and Kyle is rocking a sequined blazer from the 80’s. Lisa and Ken arrive, as Camille delivers a rather frantic speech, thanking the crowd. The women all get to shopping for jewels, and Kyle is thrilled for the opportunity to flaunt her wealth, for a good cause. Yolanda greets Rinna, who practically vomits out her enthusiastic NYC decline all over the table. Rinna doesn’t trust Yolanda, even if it means a free trip.

The ladies sit down, and Yolanda begins blabbering something about isolation making her raw and extra sensitive to the energy of those who fear her. Anyone with eyes and one good ear can tell that Rinna is uncomfortable. Yolanda decides that all of her wonky treatments have made her psychic, so she jumps up to hug the horror out of Rinna. Kyle and Lisa snark on the sidelines, as Rinna whines about Yolanda dodging Erika’s dinner, only to cosign an unacceptable hashtag. Yolanda points out that she ran out of gas after showing loyalty to her junkie bestie. Brandi and Kim are Yolanda’s key journey-supporters, especially when they are not falling down drunk. Yolanda is indignant, and doesn’t need to explain her horrible judgement to anyone.

Erika points out that it was her dinner party, and she readily accepted Yolanda’s swollen brain excuse. Is it just me — or does Erika seem relieved whenever Yolanda bails? Rinna and Yolanda agree that they both have trust issues, and Yolanda blasts Rinna for “starting the whole thing.” I think I hear Eddie Judge sneezing bulls**t, all the way from the OC. Rinna keeps pushing the issue, and Yolanda tells her it’s none of her darn beeswax. Yolanda is peeved because she doesn’t feel the love, and her psychic integrity is being questioned.

Thankfully, morning breaks and we find ourselves in Lisa’s gorgeous home. Kathryn arrives, to support Lisa’s efforts to stop a dog torturing/eating festival in China. Lisa is saddened, and has organized a protest march to the Chinese embassy. Kathryn loves Lisa — just like the rest of us — and is happy to support the cause.

Another evening, another gathering — this time the cast is meeting for dinner. Mauricio toasts to the women combining painting with gossip, for Habitat for Humanity. Kyle introduces the idea of a Dubai trip, and Lisa is nervous about Erika showing her naughty bits, and needing bail money. Eileen apologizes for choosing to take day off, and not attending the march. Lisa should have put Erika in charge, and Eileen would have shown up, in a new slutty dress. Eileen decides to push the envelope, and remind Lisa that she’s pretty manipulative, and Rinna jumps in to prove it, noting that   dastardly Amsterdam shopping trip. Lisa earns a pink star with me, when she reminds Rinna of her fake profession of love to the one who had to pick  her glass shards out of her hair. Rinna decides that Lisa’s manipulation could be categorized as directional, and Eileen’s most obnoxious buttinski hits are replayed.

Rinna calls Lisa a liar, and a devious phone call denier. Kyle speaks the truth, and calls Rinna a weak follower, and Rinna begs to differ, labeling herself a proud people pleaser. Eileen points out that Lisa manipulated this conversation onto Rinna, who excitedly jumped aboard.  Kathryn decides to turn her hearing aid off, to avoid this stupid conversation. The day of the march has arrived, and Lisa is excited, and hoping for a big turnout. Ken greets Rinna, who is evidently rocking her wounded follower face, for the whole episode. Kyle tries to kick off more drama, but Lisa shuts her down and snarks for everyone to take in all of her pretty brainwashed followers. The crowd wanders around aimlessly, then stops in front of the wrong building, bellowing their message to a random church. They switch directions, and make their way to the consulate sign, and yell for a few more minutes. Lisa is thankful, and proud of those who participated.

The gang gathers at the Girardi private jet, to travel to Yolanda’s Lyme event, in NYC. Yolanda bosses Kathryn into apologizing to Erika’s grandhusband, and she does so willingly. Yolanda shares that she tried to manipulate Brandi and Kim into coming, but Bravo said no. Yolanda promises that everyone’s eyes will be opened by the miraculous event, as the plane takes off. Kyle dishes about the girls’ trip to Dubai, and the group dodges a bullet, when Yolanda passes on the invite.

We jump to Rinna and the insecure Eileen, who is shopping for impressive luggage. They decide that lots of drama needs to be addressed, and when better than while traveling overseas. Kathryn and Kyle gossip about the never-ending rift between Eileen and Lisa.  Rinna butt-kisses and validates the nonsense to the perpetually needy Eileen. We bounce between plane gossip and land gossip, and watch the women beat the same dead mini-horse into a bloody pulp. Rinna looks up what “scapegoat” means, and decides that she should hustle for photo spot by the definition. 

The crew arrives in NYC, and checks into their hotel. The group gathers in the opulent jewel suite, and David and Yolanda welcome their guests by playing a clunky duet on the piano — no doubt a symbolic swan song.  Yolanda is wearing a pajama sweatsuit, and her Lyme brain forgets to put on a bra. Erika shares that her grandhusband has to approve jewelry purchases, and that she plans to consult his secretary. The group goes to the rooftop to look at the view, and it is indeed gorgeous. David toasts to the end of Yolanda’s ponytail nub and super-gross robe, and Yolanda toasts to Daisy, for busting her hump for $200 an hour. Yolanda toasts David, and there is an undertone of begging in her voice. 

Yolanda mingles with her guests and gushes over Erika, making sure we all know what a fabulous paid cheerleader Erika turned out to be. Bravo let’s us eavesdrop on David speaking to a friend, about the hopelessness of his marriage. The friend notes that he wants the old David back, the one who looks 20 years younger. Yolanda excuses David’s disgusted impatience, noting that the shell she is today, used to be his bra-wearing wingman. Yolanda’s journey has taken her to places out of her control, and evidently the trip has beaten the love out of David.

Next week, the Lyme continues, and we jet to Dubai. Don’t miss it!

 

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