The time has come to say goodbye to the ladies of The Real Housewives of Atlanta – not counting three more reunions shows. The season finale will be a holiday party hosted by Phaedra with Dwight handling all of the fabulous details. She tells him over the phone her theme is: New Beginnings.
Over with Kandi, she can hardly get into Todd’s truck. Sure would be nice if Todd would keep a step stool for the woman carrying his first born son so she could climb in his behemoth truck. Compensating for anything, Todd? Kandi describes the perky, new, smaller B cups she wants for herself. Todd doesn’t look too thrilled.
Back with Phaedra, Porsha stops by in a full-length, red gown because every southern girl needs to be red-carpet ready at all times. Phaedra shares the surprise that she will be clogging at the holiday party for this year’s entertainment. Who needs a choir when you can clog? And guess who will be by her side? Kim’s husband, Chrissy. Porsha ponders a great questions, “Do black people know how to clog?” Time will tell.
Back again with Kandi and Todd, they visit Todd’s mother’s grave. Flashbacks are shown with Sharon Joel Wells in happier times. Kandi is thrilled that Mama Joyce and Todd are now bff’s. Kandi says Baby Wells is the bridge that brought them together. Btw, the bridge is kicking.
Another jump and we are back with Porsha as she shares the Dish Nation news with Phae-Phae how the Feds seized Apollo’s motorcycles at Kandi’s house. Peter and Cynthia were also visited by the Feds. Phaedra barely offers a, “Mmm, isn’t that interesting.” Phaedra knows exactly how much it sucks to have the Feds show up at your house and help themselves to your stuff. Mmm-hmm. Porsha informs Phaedra that people are libel to think it was her who called the Feds, since it was probably her who called the Feds.
Matt drops by Kenya’s house to bring her the gift of two new sassy puppies named Twirl and King. We are talking about dogs. So, did you know Kenya was raised Jehovah’s Witness? That’s why she’s so excited to attend Phaedra’s holiday party. Growing up she wasn’t allowed to celebrate much. Kenya tells Matt she thinks Phaedra dropped-the-dime on Apollo-the-hood and this makes Phaedra-hood-adjacent. Kenya is looking forward to going all out for a “crazy costume.”
Peter and Cynthia had a major breakthrough in the naked department while in Jamaica. Cynthia no longer dreads seeing Peter naked and is more optimistic about their future. She has planned a romantic evening with lots of candles, a massage and a happy ending for dessert. Peter strips down and hops on the table. As Cynthia begins rubbing on Peter and climbing on and climbing off the masseuse table, her daughter and baby-Daddy walk in the room. But that’s not the total mood-killer. This is: Cynthia tells her ex to call her in 20-minutes.
Porsha and Lauren drop by to visit Porsha’s Ob/Gyn to learn the post-surgery news about Porsha’s fibroids. She is sick and tired of Lauren hogging the pregnancy limelight. When’s it going to be her turn to be the baby-mama? Porsha is making jokes but the nurse is having none of it. Fertility is serious business, y’all. The doctor informs Porsha that the fibroids are now the size of walnuts and this should make things A-OK for carrying a baby to term. Porsha is given a window of several years before she’ll need to run to the Sperm-R-Us depository.
It’s party time! Ms. Juicy Baaabee of Little Women ATL is the hired elf for the night. They have the misfortune to hear Phaedra have an inappropriate conversation with her son Dylan about when it’s good to be naughty. Bob Whitfield is dressed as Ghetto Claus and he’s still trying to win back Sheree. Kim and Chris arrive and are boring. Meanwhile, Dylan is sitting way on top of this pillar as the Shelf on the Elf without a seatbelt or an adult holding him. Great parenting, people. And guess who else is there? Tammy, but not with her Nazi-white husband because that would be weird.
NeNe shows up and tells Dwight his drink is too sweet, chile. They haven’t seen each other in for-ever, but NeNe notices his nose job. You think she likes it more than her own nose job? NeNe moves onto the other girls. Kim says she tried to look cool holding a mosquito (mojito) but couldn’t pull it off. Porsha and Shamea’s legs look like Clydesdales. But the best part is when Tammy corners Bob and confronts him about telling Sheree they hooked up when they didn’t. Bob starts sweating profusely. He’s dripping red and pleads the fifth. Best tag line of the night from Sheree about Bob. “Slut got your tongue?”
Kenya shows up dressed as The Grinch. Apparently the theme was switched from New Beginnings to Come As You Are. Can we all agree that green skin tones don’t flatter humans? Parrots, beautiful. Frogs, wonderful. Snakes, okay what was my point? Never mind. Matt looks hot!
Some quick updates. Todd received half the money owed by Phaedra and has given up on the rest. Kandi and NeNe have agreed to hit the reset button, if Kandi will just stop making those faces. And Kim informs Phaedra that it takes a village to raise children, and since her village idiot is gone for 8-years, Kim will do what she can to pitch in.
Can I just say that Cynthia is a knock-out in her dress and knows how to wear green the right way? But the big talk at the party is about the Feds showing up at other cast members homes looking for Apollo’s possessions, curtesy of Kenya bringing it up. She tells everyone she thinks it’s crazy that the Feds knew exactly where to go and exactly what to get. You’d think his stuff would be safe at the homes of people on a reality show. Live and learn, they say, along with hell hath no fury.
It’s time for Mr. and Ms. Bojangles to Riverdance! Chris is awesome, I’ll give him that. He tapped circles around Phaedra. As Season 8 comes to the end, here are the final updates.
Kandi – Baby Ace made his world debut in January. Kandi’s body has snapped back thanks to breast feeding. She still doesn’t know who called the Feds. – TMI and CRS.
Porsha – Her business savvy has landed her on Celebrity Apprentice. She still wants to have twins one day…but for now she’s happy with Coco and Channel. – Raise your hand if you think Porsha will be the first to get fired.
Kenya – Moore Manor is almost officially complete. Rumor has it the first room she’s furnishing will be a nursery. – I think we all know Kenya’s first room furnished will be Kenya’s.
Kim – Is headed to the next season of Dancing with the Stars. No word on how she’ll handle childcare while cross country. – Or all those industry rumors about her husband.
Cynthia – Continues to spread shade with her successful eyewear line. While her friendship has remained on track with NeNe, she and Peter are still a work in process. – Tune in next season and they will still be a work in process.
Phaedra – Is keeping her romantic life private until her divorce is final. She has not made plans to take the boys back to see Apollo in prison. – What romantic life?
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.