The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills kicks off in Erika Jayne’s makeup chair, where Erika’s glam-squad is hard at work. Erika is having a coming-out dinner party for her grand-husband, and all the girls are invited. Yolanda phones in to give us all a mobile sickie pic, and a visually convincing excuse to bail on Erika’s invitation. Erika assures her that no one will miss her pitiful ponytail nub, and to stay in bed. Kathryn swings by and picks up Lisa Rinna, and comments that she is excited to meet the famous Tom Girardi. The caterers prepare the classy dinner, as Tom creaks onto the scene.
Kyle and Eileen aren’t coming, and Yolanda has a swollen head, so we all catch a break with the guest list. Lisa Vanderpump arrives, and it becomes clear that leopard is the print of the evening. Erika’s negligee-like dress escorts Tom into the pack, and he meets the women. They all sit down, and Tom shares a few career anecdotes. Kathryn warns that she loves to argue, and can’t wait to get stated. Kathryn needs a Countess Luann lesson—STAT. Tom seems initially entertained, but Erika looks nervous.
Erika explains that getting to know her is a slow process, and Kathryn isn’t impressed. Kathryn lets her know that her attention span won’t last the length of an Erika Jayne song, and that she needs to make it snappy. Erika’s grand-husband objects, but Kathryn overrules, and continues her loud cross-examination. Rinna wants to know where the fire is—and Kathryn comments that her blaring passion waits for no one. Kathryn wants to connect with Erika, but Erika informs her that she doesn’t share her trashy false eyelash tricks with just anyone. Lisa is enjoying the banter, and spectates with a slight grin on her face. Rinna wishes that she could muzzle Kathryn, and knock her out with a choice piece of Erika’s jewelry.
Erika explains that people confuse cautious for icy, and Lisa comments that people often confuse a master chess player, with a web-spinner. Erika is still peeved that Kathryn ratted out their ON CAMERA convo, and Kathryn blasts her for rolling her eyes, out of order. Kathryn tells the viewers that she was born loud and obnoxious, and that Erika is about to be sentenced, for being a loser. Tom asks “Do you guys do this all the time?”— clearly not Bravo a viewer. Kathryn admits that she is a mighty fine web-spinner herself, and that Erika is just being over-dramatic. Tom offers a closing argument, and shushes anyone who dares to interject a peep. Rinna proclaims them all crazy, and Erika is mortified, and vows to never try this again.
We sit as spectators, as Erika and Kyle fumble through a friendly game of pickle ball. They discuss the upcoming Habitat for Humanity service project, and their foreshadowing desire to travel to Dubai. We hop between Erika and Kyle and Kathryn and Donnie, discussing the lively courtroom dinner party. Erika explains that she got in big trouble, and broke all kinds of gold digging rules. Erika feels effed over, and wishes that they could have kept the girl drama away from old guy with the cash. Donnie pushes Kathryn to soften up her game—and offers the advice without a shirt, which makes him extra convincing.
Eileen and Rinna meet up at the beach, and after some small talk, sit on the sand to chat. Eileen approaches Rinna about the night in question, and challenges why she acted clueless about Lisa’s web-spinning ways. Eileen defends her secret girl-crush, because Erika has spot-on instincts, whenever she isn’t lying like a cheap rug. Rinna proclaims that she loves Lisa, but now feels the need to ditch the phony protective pretense, and dish the dirt. Rinna admits that she’s powerless to the Vanderpump power, but reminds Eileen that being a manipulator is a prerequisite for this show. Rinna spills that Lisa and Kyle have been yapping their heads off about Munch-Gate, adding pictures for bonus giggles. Lisa allegedly told Rinna to confront Yolanda on camera — so she could go back to giggling in private, with Kyle. Lisa never does her own dirty work, because that would soil her pink frock. Isn’t that why we love her?
Rinna blames a phone call from Lisa for nudging her to spill the gossip—even saying that without the push, she may have stayed quiet. Rinna is annoyed that she allowed herself to be used as a pawn, and claims that her eyes have been opened. Eileen is is amazed that she is scoring such shocking and inflammatory statements. Rinna spills that Yolanda caroused with Brandi and Kim the same day as her mobile sickie pic, and admits that she really doesn’t trust anyone. Eileen clutches her pearls, while Rinna blasts Yolanda for choosing Trashbox Glanville and the Kim-Junkie, over PatThePuss Girardi. Rinna feels painted into the corner by Yolanda’s shady condition, but Erika Jayne’s #1 fan, chooses to give Yolanda a pass. Rinna is on a roll, and nails Yolanda’s ponytail nub for prowling for sympathy. Rinna thinks Yolanda is THE master-spinner, and Eileen gasps in soap-opera horror. Rinna doesn’t blink—because her gut tells her that Yolanda is the big Lyme kahuna of manipulators. HOORAY—SOMEONE said it! Eileen 100% disagrees, but Rinna is clearly over it, and doesn’t care.
We abruptly shift to a boring scene, where we watch Kathryn undergo a hearing test. Kathryn tells the doctor that she uses her deaf ear to holler and entertain at parties. The doc shares that a device exists, that may help her not to be such a loud bitch of a guest. Donnie is wearing a shirt, so I move on. We jump over to Daisy and Yolanda, who is celebrating Lyme-Life by wearing a bright green sweatshirt, substituting white jeans, for white sweats. We learn that the girls are all invited to NYC to watch Yolanda accept an award, and validate the worldwide sisterhood of Lymmies. Kyle asks why she was scolded, via email, in front of the whole group. Yolanda’s naked, scowling face makes me want to run for the hills, and join Rinna. Kyle decides to move on, because you can’t argue with crazy.
The gang gathers for the Habitat for Humanity project, and everyone is excited to get dirty, for a good cause. Erika arrives at the site, and they all exchange fake kissy greetings. They all begin to paint the house, and Lisa continues to beat a dead mini-horse, in order to drive Erika nuts. Kyle keeps whining about being scared, like a paintbrush is terrifying. Eileen arrives, as Erika shares that she is miffed at all of the spider snark. Rinna asks Erika her thoughts about her dinner party, and Erika is still pissed that Kathryn got her in deep doo-doo. Eileen summons Kathryn over to join her in pounding another non-issue into the ground—clearly Eileen’s forte.
Erika is mad that Kathryn wrecked her potential friendship with Lisa, and monopolized the conversation at her dinner party. Eileen and Rinna giggle at pulling off some legit drama, to distract from actually working. The group powwows to determine exactly how horrible Kathryn is, and Rinna sums it up, by calling her simply full of it, at least in one ear. Kathryn admits that she made a mistake, and that she needs to reign in her shtick around these sensitive party-poopers.
Next week, Yolanda loses her beloved ponytail nub, and it looks like her King, is next.