We are finally back with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. It’s been an awkward few weeks with the Super Bowl and #OscarsSoWhite causing sporadic breaks, and after tonight’s episode, next week is the season finale. #IFeelCheated. But let’s begin anyway.
Kandi’s due date is in seven weeks and she and Todd are having a boy named, Ace Wells Tucker. Mama Joyce is along for the ultrasound and she and Todd are now bff’s, btw. Dr. Jackie praises Kandi for her perfect pregnancy and then proceeds to tell the couple how to continue to have safe sex – in front of Mama Joyce. Eww. Side by side and over the kitchen sink, in case you’re wondering.
Kim has a video chat with her manager, Art. There’s potential for a pilot and a few commercials. Art asks Kim about the project with Kenya, the one with her running around with a knife in a wedding dress. Kim says hell to the no. However, Kim does say Kenya’s pilot has potential, which is gracious of her. Art explains that people in Los Angeles typically figure ways to work with people they don’t actually like. Apparently it doesn’t work that way in Atlanta. Moving on.
Phaedra’s attorney, Ronne, drops by with this year’s trendiest holiday gift – a menorah and divorce papers! It’s all the rage, chile. Apollo will be served, one way or another at Fort Dix, his new digs. This place is more appropriate for children, says Phaedra, and Babies First Prison Visit should be held at an appropriate place, every southern belle knows this. Phaedra has to fly to Philly then drive an hour to Fort Dix to make this happen. She’s not telling the children about it, until she knows they’ll actually get to see Apollo. I’ll spare you the chocolate baby/white-chocolate mama talk between Phaedra and Ronne.
Manor Moore is moving along. The home has a very modern look, which surprises me, I thought Kenya would prefer Gone With the Wind fabulous. Matt is with her and he’s got his working boots on. Aunt Lori stops by and it’s as if that whole thing in Detroit never happened. Lori flirts with Matt and then Kenya and Lori walk around by themselves, looking at all of the work that needs to be completed. The plumbing. The kitchen. The bathrooms. The everything. Aunt Lori wants to know what’s going on with Matt and Kenya says she is trying to move slow, though we know the how-many-kids-you-want-and-when talk is right around the corner.
We pop over to Porsha’s place where she is picking up dog poop. So get this, y’all, Porsha thinks raising two dogs is just as difficult as raising two kids. Bitch, please! Porsha is planning a photo shoot with her sister Lauren for her naked lingerie line. Lauren won’t be there for it because she’s fixing to go on maternity leave. They call the creative director by phone and discuss body types like, cement, concrete and stone. The director puts it best when he tells Porsha and Lauren “they got the brains of a paper cup.”
Cynthia stops by to see her eyewear commercial Kim is editing. They run it and Cynthia likes it. It was fun and colorful and short. Cynthia asks Kim about the gay husband comment Kenya made, and Kim says it’s all good. She told her husband and they just laughed and laughed like two schoolgirls over it. Cynthia asks Kim where she’s at with Kenya, and Kim says she ain’t anywhere with Kenya. It’s an empty plate.
Phaedra, looking like a fluffy Siamese cat, stops by Kandi’s for a visit. She doesn’t tell Kandi about taking the kids for a prison visit, so I’m not sure why she’s there. The conversations is, “Blah, blah, blah. Yack, yack, yack” about the trip to Jamaica, then Phaedra gives Kandi nipple cream.
It’s time for the fashion photo shoot! Cynthia, a real model, is going to be part of it. I commend Porsha for having women of all sizes as models. But they are taking forever to get ready because Lauren isn’t there to manage things like, time. Because of this, Porsha loses the sunlight and the rest of the shoot has to be inside and not outside by the sparkling pool.
Phaedra and her mom take off by jet for their journey to get a divorce from have the boys visit Apollo. Phaedra hasn’t seen Apollo since that time he made a fool of himself in the garage last season. The boys still don’t know where they are going, but they are so cute. Say what you want about Phaedra and Apollo, they make pretty babies. Phaedra’s fear is this visit will traumatize her boys when it’s time to leave.
Matt is taking Kenya on a date to The Melting Pot – the restaurant where you cook your own food. Kenya quizzes Matt on his past relationships. He’s lived with two other women, but wasn’t ready for marriage, so it ended, but now he’s ready. He’s an old-man looking for his old-lady. And he’s found her with Kenya! Yay! And by the way, Matt, the old-lady’s clock is ticking. TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK. Unfortunately, Matt’s isn’t. He wants to wait a couple of years. Kenya informs Matt she’s already looking into fertility options. Run, Matt, run.
We return to Phaedra and the children are up before dawn for their visit with Apollo. Cameras are not allowed inside Fort Dix, and 2.5 hours later, Phaedra returns to the car with the boys. Good news, the kids seem well-adjusted, like it was no big deal. Ayden didn’t like his daddy’s new hair cut – a Mohawk – and again demonstrates he’s the smartest one in the family. Phaedra is relieved this is behind her now, but reveals Apollo said he won’t sign the divorce papers. Phaedra doesn’t look worried and says she’s ready to close this chapter of her life.
Tune in next week for the season finale. And then we have the reunion! It’s going to be a fun couple of weeks.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.