RECAP: Little Women LA “Couples Party Catastrophe” [Season 4, Episode 5]

We catch up with the Little Women of L.A., in Jasmine’s fathers restaurant, where her hubby Chris has taken on a job. Chris is waiting for his dream railroad job, and isn’t keen on the restaurant biz, but is sticking it out. Jasmine wants to have a party, and even invite her arch mini-lookalike, Elena. It’s going to be a date night party, and Chris feels awkward shlepping trays, while being the hostess’s date.

We check in with Tonya, who is having a cocktail with Terra, and filling her in on her renewed love affair sales pitch with Kerwin. Terra shares about her daughter Penny’s health issues and past surgery, along with her bitterness over her friends not standing by her. Terra thinks that Tonya should quit working with Jaa, in order to have a shot with Kerwin—who is, in the meantime, smooching with another woman. Terra thinks that Kerwin is the same old guy, and is worried about Tonya diving in with him again.

Meanwhile, Briana and Matt are at a fertility doctor’s, figuring out what the deal is with Briana’s empty uterus. The doc takes a looksie with an ultrasound probe, in a scene that makes me cosign with Matt’s “things just got weird” t-shirt. The doc finds ovarian cysts, and assures her that the problem can be treated. The doc thinks that the couple can get pregnant, and Briana can’t wait to get started—another moment of visualized weirdness.

Tonya is popping in on Elena, to yak about, what else, Kerwin. Elena does Tonya’s makeup, and shares concern about Tonya’s needy, fickle heart. They discuss Jasmine’s party, and Tonya is annoyed that the theme is boy/girl, and her date is busy shacking up with another woman. Elena is worried that Jasmine may something stupid, but is going to hang with the stupidity, so she can be with her other friends.

We catch up with Christy and Todd, who are in a couples therapy session. They forget that the therapist isn’t a realtor, and begin by yammering about their housing issues. They discuss their infertility, and then finally address the big mini-elephant in the room, namely Todd. They forget to mention the slightly smaller one, named Christy. The therapist gives Todd three months to get off his duff, or off to the surgeon he goes. Christy and Todd later look at a house, and aside from the odd floor patterns and bordello drapes, it looks like a winner. 

Tonya calls Kerwin to whine about not having a date for date night, and Kerwin promises that he will think about her sales pitch, while Tonya flies solo. Kerwin doesn’t trust Tonya to not back out, and decides to talk it over with his girlfriend, for awhile longer.

It’s the night of the Mexican date party, poor Chris is bartending, and Jasmine is wearing a bizarre dwarf department, J-Lo dress. The couples arrive, Briana is worried that the stumpy mob may gang up on Matt, and Tonya is peeved that her date is boinking someone else.  Elena and Preston arrive, and Elena immediately disses Jasmine’s theme, because there is no romance in the ole’ air. How romantic can an evening be—one step up from Taco Bell?

Tonya and Elena move their combo plates to another vinyl tablecloth, and Terra is annoyed that they are leaving her hanging with just her lame husband. Tonya keeps ranting about being dateless, and daringly promotes Elena to her best enabler of desperate stupidity, over Terra. Christy and Briana go outside to hit up the taco truck, as Christy runs down their past friendship issues. Christy is upset that Briana is a filthy liar, and Briana is tired of being attacked over her deadbeat reason for lying. Christy apologizes, forcing a reciprocation out of Briana, and the duo decides to seal it with a taco.

Jasmine hangs up a piñata, and all the lil’ ladies take out their frustrations on the poor paper donkey. The piñata is filled with porny prizes, and the women seem to enjoy the activity. Jasmine remarks that she wishes that Elena would have more fun, and Elena responds by crapping all over her party. Elena wants to eat a spaghetti strand with Preston, like Lady and the Tramp, and her demanding attitude is beyond bratty.

Tonya evidently would rather die than eat an enchilada without a man, so Jasmine tells them both to feel free to leave. Terra sticks up for Jasmine, asserting that she didn’t want to leave anyone out. Elena continues to rant and rave like a fool, while the men take shots to blur the screeching nonsense. Terra finally unleashes on Tonya, and Elena defends Tonya’s supposed past loyalty. Terra tells Tonya and Elena to eff-off, because neither supported her during her baby daughter’s spinal cord surgery.

Tonya sputters, and admits that she missed that “one situation,” and Elena screeches that Terra was too busy to pick up the phone. The duo flounces out, as Briana basks in the reality of the drama not being about deadbeat Matt. Who knew such little ladies, could make such a BIG racket? Until next week!

 

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