RECAP: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills — Yolanda Holds a Lot in the Vault! [Season 6, Ep 13]

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with the crew gathering for a spinning class, a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity. Everyone is excited, except Lisa Vanderpump, but Kyle assures us that soul-straddling for charity, is where it’s at. The session looks squished, but FUN. The girls have fun peddling and then head to lunch. We hear that Yolanda may be healthy enough to throw on some sweats, and show up. We travel backwards to Erika’s carnival, where Eileen is annoyingly defending the hypocritical Yolanda.

Yolanda arrives, greasy ponytail nub in tact, as the women banter about their fitness routines. Yolanda invites the women to a future dinner party, and Kyle cracks open the gossip door, asking if she is cool with Lisa Rinna. Kyle and Lisa V. rudely chat as a twosome about Yolanda labeling Lisa R. as bipolar, and Yolanda calls foul, her ears clearly not affected by her #InvisibleIllness. She informs the group that she never said that Lisa was any such thing — while describing every incident that could be used against Lisa since she joined the cast. She could POTENTIALLY call Lisa bipolar, but perish the thought, because even with Lyme-brain, Yo could never hallucinate such a breach in integrity.

Kyle nails her for being a hypocrite, and even though Kyle kicked off the snark, I love it. Yo explains her attitude, informing us all that ‘no whispering’ was the first rule that she taught “The Gigi,” and she is a #ProudMommy first and a crazy condescending bitch, second. Erika is uncomfortable with the argument, because without her “c*nty” necklace, she is a big weenie. Erika hates women tearing each other down and taking sides — so why in the world did she take this ‘Housewives’ gig? Kyle tells Yolanda to chill the H out, and it is excellent.

We jump to Lisa Rinna, who is co-hosting with Jenny McCarthy on McCarthy’s radio show. They chat about their history, as Rinna admits that she needs to hustle relevance to bring home the bacon. Lisa shares that men like Harry, but Harry likes women.

Back at the lunch from Ponytail-HELL, Yolanda and Kyle are still bickering. Yolanda asks Kyle to drop the subject, and  threatens to release scandalous secrets from her jam-packed Lyme-vault. Kyle asks if the comment is a threat, and Yolanda brushes it off, assuring her that her vault will likely be confused by tomorrow. Yolanda is smirking behind her hands, clearly pleased with herself. Yolanda passive-aggressively blasts Lisa V. for mentioning “The BellaAnwar,” and Lisa reminds her that she defended Bella when Drunkie Glanville accused Yo’s  daughter of living as tanked as she does. Eileen continues to butt in with her annoying translations, as Lisa V. makes her exit. Yolanda is thrilled, but Kyle is peeved that Lisa left her alone in the crazy Lyme infested trenches.

Kathryn is meeting Erika for for snacks, a workout, and to get better acquainted. Kathryn wants to know why Erika only hangs with gay men, and Erika explains, asserting that it’s because female friends suck. She feels judged, except by Yolanda, who loves her no matter what, at least since she joined the cast. She opens up about her close relationship with her deceased grandmother, and we get a brief glimpse of the real Erika. Erika muses that women are either bitches or cool girls, and all must be evaluated with a keen eye.

We hop over to Lisa and Ken who are lunching, and talking business, then we’re ricocheted over to Kyle’s, where she is hanging out with Lisa R. We learn that Yolanda opened her vault, and shot a scolding email to Kyle, inviting the all of the others to read along for fun. Yolanda shares  that her brain was actually mighty cloudy during her smirky lunch, and the middle of the night was when all of her cylinders were on point. She explained in the email how infected her paralyzed noggin is, and informed Kyle that she was an epic failure during the smirk-lunch.

Bravo gives us a HILARIOUS sequence of the women reading the email out loud, with priceless side-eye expressions on their faces. Kyle is in TROUBLE — because Yolanda is sick, and they should have gone all Aviva Dresher and made her a RAH-RAH banner to celebrate the dragging out of her ponytail nub. Lisa nails Yolanda as a vicious, mean, narcissist — the description is perfection. Lisa understands that the vengeance is REAL, as we flash back to Lisa V., who feels indignantly innocent, and confused. Back at the Girardi’s, Erika labels Lisa V. as selectively honest, and manipulative.

Lisa V. is having a casual dinner party with the women, and is floating around on a pink pool flamingo, to relax before the bitch-fest. It’s adorable, and as Eileen arrives, the menagerie is out in full force. The women appear  and greet each other, in Lisa and Ken’s lovely outdoor bar. The women sit around a pretty gazebo table, as a dozen animals frolic around in the background. Kyle brings up the email, and Eileen AGAIN waters down  Yolanda’s snarky move as “organizing her thoughts.” Kyle notes Yolanda’s midnight sharp noggin, as Lisa V. defends herself against Eileen’s endless excuses. Kathryn begins to share about her lunch with Erika, then drops the bomb that Erika snarked about Lisa V. behind her back, warning Kathryn to not get sucked into her British chess match.

We see a brief flashback of Erika calling Lisa a sneaky sniper, as Kathryn continues to spill the tea. Kyle tries to lighten the mood, but Lisa is clearly insulted. The ladies all pretend to be confused by the comment, but Eileen is just puzzled that Kathryn was dumb enough to blab the comment out at all.

Eileen translates that Erika was referring to the Hamptons drama, and Lisa V. believes such a theory is bogus. Eileen launches into rehashing the whole snoozy beef with Lisa, and accuses her of glossing over things. Eileen rambles that she needs to whinny like a mini-pony to get Lisa’s attention, and Lisa snarks that she got an invite to her fancy pony pen, so what more  does she want? Eileen needs to let it go, but finally pummels Lisa into an apology. Lisa V. points her finger and challenges her to let it go already, and they agree to simply Mars and Venus their friendship. Eileen thinks that Lisa should be accountable for her feelings, and Lisa is clearly over her soap-star histrionics. Checkmate.

The show wraps with a rundown of the rest of the season, which includes a trip to Dubai, and the return of our favorite careening wrecks, Kim Richards and Brandi Glanville.  The 90210 has never felt more crowded.

 

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